Crotchety Gets A Brazilian

This is a smoother and more manageable Crotchety here.

It seems one part of a heart catharazation involves violating my naughty bits in a way they had never been before.

That's right, I got a Brazilian. The good thing is now it takes only a minute to get dressed. And, of course, every nurse has to check the incision--and see the old man and giggle at his baby -like smoothness.

Since I've been in the hospital, they have removed some excess water fron my body.

How much?

Nine (9)gallons!!!

By the way, my phone number in rehab is 732.287.9555 ext 170. Mornings are ususlly the worst time. I'll start visiting my friends blogs soon.

http://www.humorbloggers.com

I Have Access!!!

Mrs C has been girlie-ing up the blog, so I had to take matters into my own hands and eventually convince the doctors to transfer me to a rehab center with access.

Here's my first post:

I’m in rehab, and not the good kind with partied out celebs. I’m here with your phlegm-y Grandpa. But I do have access to wifi.

I managed to get out of the hospital thanks to all your good thoughts and prayers. It certainly wasn’t due to the doctors who did their best find every test they could give me before screwing up.

“Sorry about lowering your blood pressure too much and causing that stroke, Crotchety. But that was actually a good thing because it was a minor stroke and now we know you have to be careful because you are susceptible to a deadly one.”

Yeah that was the quote, except for the apology.

I got hit with enough gamma rays (Noocular Medicine they call it) that I have the Hulk’s greenish hue, but not his strength.

I have catheters hanging out of me and more needle tracks than the average junkie.

And I’ve developed a taste for green jell-o and graham crackers.

I’ll try to be back tomorrow with some surprising news.



http://www.humorbloggers.com

Room 444

Play that number!

I had my catherization today. It just wore me out. They picked me up from JFK this morning at 12:00 am and brought me here to RWJUH...Kept me up asking questions that were already in my files. By the time I finally fell asleep it was time to go to the Cath Lab.

I do have some blockage but it can be treated with meds and I will be getting a pace maker down the road.

I have yet to speak with a new neurologist for my brain stuff.

Now for a nap!



http://www.humorbloggers.com

Moving On

Dictated today at 1:30 est...

It turns out that I did have a mini-stroke and there are other brain occlusions. Since I am going to a another hospital, Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital in New Brunswick, the brain guy is going to have this checked out further.

Tomorrow I will be having a cardiac catherization/angiogram to let me know why the chest pain. WISH ME LUCK.

By the way Corky, how is that couch-raising fund coming along?

Thanks to everyone for their phone calls and cards. Your kindnesses are so appreciated.


http://www.humorbloggers.com

From Room 4330

Dictated to my "private secretary" at 4:00 pm today...

Greetings from JFK Hospital in Edison, NJ! I wanted to let you all know I really appreciate all the good thoughts and prayers from my fellow bloggers. My most recent phone is 732-321-7364. Should you call be aware that my speech may be a little slurred which is reality right now and not for comedic effect. If you would like to be on equal footing enjoy a half bottle of JD prior to calling...

Beware pornish content ahead:

As luck would have it I was assigned a student nurse -- WOOO HOOOO -- Of course I got the only male nurse on the floor. His first order of business was to check with me to see if I wanted him to bathe me so I asked to see if he had drawn the short straw or lost a bet. I must be living right because he left and returned with two lovely FEMALE student assistants -- a blonde and a redhead! THANK YOU!

I am having a lot of wierd problems. The audio specialist, a.k.a. Dr. A_ _ H_ _ _ , was convinced I was faking my not hearing. The doctor covering for my PCP came to my rescue and let him know that the first week I was not having any communication problems. All the new nurses, physician assistants and doctors that have been paying me visits since Saturday ask if I have always been confused and having these verbal challenges.

I still have my part-time position here as a pin cushion. High number of sticks today is 11.

I look so forward to getting on line soon!


http://www.humorbloggers.com

The Saga Continues

This is just to let all you followers know that Crochety still does not have access to the internet from his hospital bed...yes, I said HOSPITAL BED. This is incredulous I know.

He was set to go to a sub-acute facility for physical therapy last Friday, but got chest pains so he was kept for observation. Then they gave him the wrong med dosage and he lost his hearing and speech. Since his cardiac doctor was away they didn't do anything until Monday. Very scary! He had every test going with good results but still has intermittent "white noise" in his head and he can form sentences now. I can understand him when he talks at this point.

He did get annoyed with me when I didn't have my camera to take his picture for you while he was getting his EKG. The look with all the wires attached to his head was priceless.

Yesterday while getting physical therapy he had chest pains and then again later last night. He has been shuttling back and forth between the telemetry unit and the "I am ready to get out of here floor." Today is a CT scan. He is continuing dialysis and is bedridden. Spoke briefly with him this morning and he sounds exhausted.

I will print out any comments and bring them to him...not much else cheers him up...except for the lovely young nurses!

Thanks for the prayers and good thoughts!


http://www.humorbloggers.com

Update from Mrs. "C"

The old man is still in the hospital...and still hating it, especially since he can't get an on-line connection. They moved his room Wednesday morning one floor down to the old wing. This crisis is more frightening to me than the others have been. Maybe because he waited much too long to admit it was one.

Joe just found out he has a staph infection. The heart doc is trying to level out his blood pressure, which keeps spiking, so he cannot go to a sub-acute facility as was planned. He is currently scheduled for surgery some time today to have the shunt put in his arm for the dialysis.

Much thanks to everyone for their calls.

Your prayers and good thoughts are very much appreciated.



http://www.humorbloggers.com

How to Win Friends and Influence People

While in the hospital, I get to meet lots of new and interesting people.

My nurses are great. And, unlike previous visits when care was provided by nurses named Sarge or Dave, this time it has been mostly beautiful and caring nurses. They could be underwear models, they are that pretty. And no, not underwear models like from the old Sears catalog, but the good kind.

There is Nurse Toots, and Nurse Wicked Awesome, both credits to the health care industry.

And then there are the Poking Techs. I have no idea why, but the techs are borderline evil.

Always poking around where they don't belong. And for some reason, they are always angry.

Angry pokey people suck.



www.humorbloggers.com