Change is coming

I expect to be discharged in a few weeks. Mrs. Crotchety isn't too thrilled with my embracing of the diapered life, and she mentioned something about potty training.

Or was it paper training?

Ether way, warm soapy water clean ups are a thing of the past.

And I don't expect to say "Don't be shy, dig in there," anytime again soon.

Youse may have noticed I'm answering your cumments again. Proof I'm doing better.

I'll cut this short as the ambulance will be here shortly to take me to the doctors for an appointment and the pain meds are kicking in.

In about 5 minutes the hallucinations start.


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The crazy night nurse strikes again

Regular readers know about ny crazy night nurse. She woke me up one time at 2 a.m. for my 4 a.m. pickup for dialysis. Another time she woke me up at 2 to make sure I wanted to get up at 3;30.

Well Friday she struck again.

My wake up time is 3:30 a.m. (Jealous? Don't be a hater)

Anywho, she comes into my room at 3:40 and I am sound asleep. She wakes me out of what was obviously a deep sleep then she asks me if I'm ready to go.

I smell like warmed over gym clothes, and my diaper smells exactly as you think it would.

No, I'm not. So she tells me they'll be in to get me ready, and hands me Dilodin. Normally, I get it before dyalysis because the transport guys are as gentle with me as Rocky with a side of beef. But if it is too early, I babble incoherently. It was too early. So I got to explain to transport what they had to do while I was high. Surprisingly it all worked out.


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Groping nurses and more

As most of you know, September was a Dilodin filled month. I spent most of it sleeping and hallucinatting.

Or so I thought.

According to Mrs. Crotchety, and my doctor, both fairly credible sources, I had taken some nurse and refused to let her go.

I asked Mrs which nurse it was and she said she didn't know. I told her Ihoped it was Nurse Treena because she is the most beautiful nurse in the world. No such luck.

And now Mrs. isn't speaking to me.

Oh, I wanted to thank Marisa who called me yesterday. Her call was a pleasant break from the incredible boredom around here


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So much great blog fodder

So much to say, I hope to have more days when I feel well enough to sit up and blog.
I hope to visit everyone's blogs soon. I've gone to a few over the last couple ofdays.

Because of my drain bamage I have trouble reading longer posts because I forget what I just read. I have trouble counting, too..



The mission of pt is to try to get me to stand up. I haven't stood in months, so it's kind of a major undertaking. They have put me in a couple weird Rube Goldberg (Kids look it up) machines. They have used various devices to do it, but so far, no luck. Today they couldn't even get me out of bed.

Be back tomorrow with some Diloudin-laced adventurous memories.




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In Support of Adult Diapers

I have been diapered for a few weeks, and to be honest, I'm enjoying them.



I'm sure most of youse still buy in to the "Big Boxer" Cartel or are under the spell of the "Tighty Whitey" Syndicate.



I'm here to tell you of the joy of adult diapers. Yes, friend, they are not just for funny pictures on Google images any more.



Here, in handy list form, are the top 10 reasons for the move to diapers.



1. Never again fear the wet fart.



2. The Texaco station bathroom is a germ infested nightmare. No problem.



3. Win bets with your friends. Next time at the bar, have a contest with your non diapered buddies, last one to use the restroom wins. Pound your favorite brew while enjoying the others squirming.



4. Your naughty bits and bum are cleaned with warm soapy water. Aaaah, yes, warm soapy water.



5. You can pee while talking to your mother-in-law. Expand the mental image as needed.



6. No need for a Halloween costume. You'll be the hit of every party.



7. Add a sash and instant Baby New Year. And it will be every bit as hilarious as Halloween.



8. Never leave in the middle of a movie for a bathroom break.



9. Now you don't have to carry a seat cushion to a sports event.



10. They are available in such designer colors as sea foam and eggshell. They go with any outfit.


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The Floodgates Are Open

Yesterday I set a record for the rehab center, 6 poops on one shift. Yea me.

Two qualified as mega pooooooooops.

So today, I took a chance with solid food, sausage and pancakes. The pancakes are a speciality here as they are crunchy.

Don't ask.

Because my bum and naughty bits have been so traumatized by recent events, the pt staff got a special cushion for my wheelchair. It cost $5000. You read that right.

My butt should be pleased.


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Important poop update!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know this is important because of all the exclamation points.

Yesterday, after the Fleet arrived, there was still no movement.

Then, while cleaning me up, the aide tried to help, erm, "manually."

Yes it did hekp because it appears my butt had Been atempting to form diamonds, not realizing that would only work if I ate a coal based diet.

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