Bunch of rambling stuff

Has anyone noticed Brendon Fraser has gained a lot of weight, but all in his face?

The EMT transporting me today looked exactly like Zena the Warrior Princess.

I thought that was weird.

I wonder if being an impersonator would be a good job? It would certainly be easy enough. I look enough like John Popper to impersonate him, unfortunately no one knows who he is.

I've been making progress. I get in a wheelchair using a sliding board.

Sounds like fun, huh?

Imagine shoving a board up my bum, then shimmying down to the chair.

Oh joy. Splinters on my naughty bits are just one hazard.

Speaking of my naughty bits, a new aide started last night and within minutes, she was introduced to my naughty bits.


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Whoosh!!!!!!

Christmas came and went and Mrs. Crotchety didn't get a present from me.

Let me run my idea past youse because usually your ideas are pretty good. I was thinking of a stripper pole. Good idea or great idea?


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Merry Christmas

Merry Chrismas to everyone!!!

May there be Peace on Earth!!!



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Guess where I'm going in January?

Well after conferring for 2 months about my foot (not the reason I've been in the rehab center,) the doctors decided I need to be operated on.

So, until the sawblades have another whack at me, my phone number is 732.650.8419

If you haven't done your Christmas shopping for me yet, a phone call is the perfect gift.

And a special thank you to The Middle Aged Fat Woman who sent a box o' Christmas Goodies, along with phone calls.

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Holiday Shopping

I wanted to buy Christmas presents for all my bloggy friends, but the shopping opportunties are rather limited.

Here is what is in your virtual Christmas package:

An adult diaper, available in white (how borinng)and sea (foam much more festive.)

4 oz. cups of cranberry juice

An autographed picture of my naughty bits ,suitable for framing, (not so special as nearly 300 health care professionals and a dozen nursing students have seen them already.

A Sponge Bath by Dave

Let me know which you picked... Or whether you picked them all.

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Formula for sleep

Since so many of my internet buddies have trouble sleeping I'll share my sure fire way to a restful 8 hours.

Step 1 : Have bum washed with warm, soapy water.
Apply powder and fresh diaper.

Add Ambien 5 mg

Plus Dilodin (Also spelled Dilodid) 4 mg equals good night sleep.

You're welcome

By the way, Ambien is known for hallucinations involving giant chickens I am disappointed to say I was hallucinaton free.

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I think I need another pain pill

Here's the long awaited first pulished photo of my surgery. Just looking at it makes me want to have the Lovely Nurse Treena inject me with some Dilodin.

I've been sick and in pain this week, so I haven't been able to post. Prepare to be filled in.

I had minor surgery on Monday. Idiot assistant doctor caught my back in some machine 4 (four, IV, quatro) times. leaving me slightly bruised. Yay for pain meds!

I decided to give up cursing, so if anyone calls me I'll mime most of the conversation.

This will be funnier for those who know me: I'm on food supplements and apettite enhancers. The nurses giggle when they give them to me. The supplemnts taste like a melted McDonald's vanilla shake, with added chalk for texture.

Type to youse soon.



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