"I really hope you aren't taking a photo of this, Mum, or I'll live forever in infamy as the star of a series of not-at-all humorous Photoshops in which I hold various items of fruit and/or vegetables. I only want to be like Pavarotti! Is that so much to ask?"
Little Timmy wanted to be Wally Watermelon after reading about the adventures of Johnny Appleseed, and after eating too many seeds, Timmy decided he didn't like Johnny Appleseed or his stupid adventures anymore.
After a rousing rendition of the "Truffle Shuffle" (Thanks Goonies!) Chunk proceeds to do his best impersonation of the Nutty Professor by chanting "Hercules! Hercules!" while downing a piece of watermelon.
"When the band started playing the watermelon queen said Let me show you something that you ain't never seen She grabbed me by the arm said come on let's go She dipped down spun around and doe-see-doed She rocked back on her heels dropped down to her knees Crawled across the floor then she jumped back on her feet She wiggled and she giggled beat all you ever saw Said this is how you do the watermelon crawl
She said we got a hundred gallons of sweet red wine Made from the biggest watermelons on the vine Help yourself to some but obey the law If you drink don't drive do the watermelon crawl"
His blowdart now sticking firmly in the boy's dimpled buttocks, Marlin Perkins was still on edge. He knew it would take at least three men to weigh this specimen then tag him and release him back into the wild.
Young Rod Blagojevich auctioning off his watermelon piece. == TARP is replaced by WARP Watermelon Assistance Recovery Plan. == I need more stimulus to finish this piece.
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"I DON'T WANNA MAMA!! This ain't fried like yo promised!" WAAAAH!!"
ReplyDeletePilfered early photos of the MA Fat Woman surfaced recently and were expected to bring nearly a dollar apiece at the upcoming Sotheby's auction.
ReplyDeleteBrain Freeze!
ReplyDeleteTimmy Bob wowed the judges of American Idol with his highly original performance of
ReplyDelete"Meloncholy Baby"
Watermelon, Watermelon,
ReplyDeleteWatermelon Rind
Don't you dare look at
My fat behind!
MAMA......why do I always get the smallest piece
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteSo it IS true, you CAN get pregnant from eating a watermelon seed waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
ReplyDeleteTHESE ARE SEEDS, NOT M&M'S!!!
ReplyDeleteDelicious fruit was Fatman's Kryptonite.
ReplyDeleteTen bucks says this is where all the e-coli comes from.
ReplyDeleteJust plant a watermelon at the head of my grave,
ReplyDeleteAnd let the juice run through.
"I really hope you aren't taking a photo of this, Mum, or I'll live forever in infamy as the star of a series of not-at-all humorous Photoshops in which I hold various items of fruit and/or vegetables. I only want to be like Pavarotti! Is that so much to ask?"
ReplyDeleteSorry 'bout that, went on a bit of a rant there.
La la la la la la Bamba
ReplyDelete"Mo-om. Cousin Manny just told me you are what you eat and called me FatFace RoundPants. I AM NOT A WATERMELON!"
ReplyDeleteI wanted a watermelon candy and a chupa chup and you gave me this... wwwwaaahhh
ReplyDelete(need to add the waaahhhh in, it seems to be what you do around here)
"It's too smaaalll! You said I could have the big piece!"
ReplyDeleteAugustus Gloop was disappointed to find that not everything in the Wonka factory tasted like chocolate.
ReplyDeleteLittle Timmy wanted to be Wally Watermelon after reading about the adventures of Johnny Appleseed, and after eating too many seeds, Timmy decided he didn't like Johnny Appleseed or his stupid adventures anymore.
ReplyDeleteAfter a rousing rendition of the "Truffle Shuffle" (Thanks Goonies!) Chunk proceeds to do his best impersonation of the Nutty Professor by chanting "Hercules! Hercules!" while downing a piece of watermelon.
ReplyDeleteWaaah! I thought you said this was a pie eating contest?
ReplyDeleteTracy Byrd as a child...
ReplyDelete"When the band started playing the watermelon queen said
Let me show you something that you ain't never seen
She grabbed me by the arm said come on let's go
She dipped down spun around and doe-see-doed
She rocked back on her heels dropped down to her knees
Crawled across the floor then she jumped back on her feet
She wiggled and she giggled beat all you ever saw
Said this is how you do the watermelon crawl
She said we got a hundred gallons of sweet red wine
Made from the biggest watermelons on the vine
Help yourself to some but obey the law
If you drink don't drive do the watermelon crawl"
How in the heck am I gonna keep my figure eating watermelon?
ReplyDeleteHave a great day Crotchety. :)
The Plane...The Plane...!!
ReplyDelete"ah num num, next is your head"
ReplyDeleteHerbie Hancock...The Artist As A Young Man
ReplyDeleteHow the mafia gets criminal watermelon to talk.
ReplyDeleteThe McWatermelon debuts to scathing reviews.
ReplyDeleteI thought you said this would taste as good as candy!
ReplyDeleteHis blowdart now sticking firmly in the boy's dimpled buttocks, Marlin Perkins was still on edge. He knew it would take at least three men to weigh this specimen then tag him and release him back into the wild.
ReplyDeleteAs Raul geared up to headbutt the watermelon for a third time, we realized the doctors were probably right.
ReplyDeleteI bit my tongue!
ReplyDeletecoming soon to a theater near you:
ReplyDeleteAttack of the Killer Watermelons!
Arg! this thing tastes like Zima!
ReplyDeleteAfter finishing all of his Halloween candy (and his sister's and his brother's) Javier decided to go after the Jack-O-Lantern...
ReplyDeleteYou lying bitch, this fruit!!!
ReplyDelete"Hey Uncle Johnny, you bastard! This ain't no freakin' harmonica!!"
ReplyDeleteAs a child, Enrique was always happy to lend his special talents to the "Most Frightened Wedge of Watermelon" contest.
ReplyDeleteIn Soviet Russia, watermelon bites you!
ReplyDeleteIt ain't funny, Bubba. Don't make me eat anymore, I've already et 4 of em. I don't wanna get fat like you.
ReplyDelete"Hey Uncle Johnny, you bastard! This ain't no freakin' harmonica!!"
ReplyDeleteLOL :)
Why do i have to make my own bicycle helmet?
ReplyDeleteMom: Charlie!! Come up for air!
ReplyDeleteCharlie: *GASP*
Are you sure this is where babies come from?!?!?!
ReplyDeletei said SHE NEEDED big melons, NOT ME!! :(
ReplyDeleteYou said it was seedless.. I'm gonna sue, I think I broke a tooth!
ReplyDeleteMy mouth says yes but my belly says no!
ReplyDelete"Who sucked all the chocolate off?!"
ReplyDeleteAy, yi, yi-yi,
ReplyDeleteI got mel-on in my ey-e!
Oh No! My precious watermelon, my best friend...num num num. delicious best friend.
ReplyDeleteI was going to caption but then I read Jenn's. I can't compete with that...
ReplyDeleteWaaah Moo-ooom dis one has seeds! You promised!
ReplyDelete"I feel goo-ood" danananananana
ReplyDelete"..I knew that I would, now"
danananananana
"I fee-ee-eel good" danananananana
"..I knew that I would, now"
danananananana
"So Good!" da da
"So GOOD!" da
"I got FOOD!!" da da da da DAH!
Young Rod Blagojevich auctioning off his watermelon piece.
ReplyDelete==
TARP is replaced by WARP Watermelon Assistance Recovery Plan.
==
I need more stimulus to finish this piece.
Those effin neighbor kids are bacccckkkk !!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteBilly Bob throws his head back and gets ready to do his impersonation of a charging Rhino eating a big juicy water lily.
ReplyDeleteDr. David Banner's early experiments with irradiate fruit go horribly, horribly wrong.
ReplyDeleteHow Luccio Pavarotti got his start:
ReplyDeleteSinging for his supper
"YOU MEAN I GOTTA SHARE THIS???"
ReplyDelete"Waaaaaaaaaaaaa"!
{An analogy of the stimulus recipients}
Aaaaa! Yeeeessssssss! Sticky melon orgasm!!
ReplyDelete