Monday, January 29, 2007

Rambling thoughts from my hospital bed #2

I wrote this in the afternoon on 1-19-07 after Physical Therapy (PT.)

PT is full of triumphs and disappointments. Yesterday I spent a few minutes tapping a balloon back and forth with the Occupational Therapist. It made me wonder exactly what type of job was she preparing me to return to? Did she think I was a combination magician/animal balloon maker at Chucky Cheese? Perhaps she thought I was a Special Olympics caliber volley ball professional or a circus clown. Either way, I don't recall ever having a job (and I've had plenty of bad ones) where a balloon was used regularly. Could she be subconciously suggesting to me that I seek a new career?
I put get a "how to make animal balloons" book on my list of things to do as soon as I get out of here. I should probably get a "how to juggle" book, too. I'll need something to do after I've made everyone a balloon poodle.
I mentioned disappointments, and I've had quite a few. When my overly perky miniature PT suggested that she would get one of her cohorts and we would get in the shower, well, every post puberty fantasy raced through my head. Of course, this mind movie was scored like a 70's porn flick. Bwaaah, bwaah bwaaaah. Ooom pukka puuukkka.
Turns out all they wanted to do was watch me get out of my wheelchair, pivot, and then slide onto the shower bench, and then reverse the procedure.
But hope springs eternal. When she suggested that we get into bed, again, that same 70's soundtrack kicked in. Bwaaah bwaaah bwaaaah. Ooom Pukka Puuukkkka.
We went into a seperate room with a standard issue hospital bed. She drew the curtains. I got into bed just as she asked. I rolled over when she said to. Yeah!! I wondered which of my buddies I was going to call first to tell them the old man still had it!!! Then, in a sultry voice, she huskily whispered, "OK, now give it to me hard, big guy."
Wait, that was from my mental movie. What she actually said was, "Ok, now get your big butt out of bed if it isn't too hard."