Dear Santa Claus

It's been a while since I've written to you.

It's been a pretty f'd up year, so I figure you owe me big time. Normally, I ask about the wife and the elves, but this is all about me. I want stuff, and lots of it.
I want a race car set. Yeah, I know you got me one over 40 years ago. But that was given away many years ago. And I miss all the good times I had with it. There was something relaxing about sending the cars streaking around that circle. At that time, it seems hard to believe that an 8 year old needed to relax, but after a hard day of reading, writing, and all that crap, I had to get my mind off the pressures of school and watch the cars go around and around. I was pretty easy to entertain back then.

And you know what Big Guy? It hasn't changed much.

And if you could pack an electric football game in that bag, I'd be pretty happy. I know the guys never went where the should have, and I don't remember ever playing anything resembling the game of football because the thing was noisy and pretty much sucked. But I want one anyhow.

I used to like building model cars. For some reason, I always painted them baby blue with an overspray of gold. I'm sure they looked like crap, but to me they were beautiful. And I don't have any because me and Eddie from up the street used to blow them up in the field across the street. I promise not to blow them up. Besides, I don't know where Eddie lives any more.

I'd also like a couple model rockets. I used to have a fleet of them. I have no idea why, but I always painted them orange and black. I guess I thought that was a good combination. I'm not sure what color I'd paint them now. Maybe baby blue with gold overspray.

And I definately need soldiers. Don't try sticking me with those little stupid green army men, either. I want the 6" ones from Marx. And I want a few of each. Nothing sucked more than playing army and only having American soldiers and one German guy. And I'll need some Japanese soldiers, too. Make sure I get the guys throwing grenades. The Japanese one looked a little like Dice K and I want him to be the first to get shot by sniper fire when I play. I also would like some Roman soldiers. You can give the cowboys and Indians to some other guy seeking a second childhood.

This was usually the part of my letter where I asked you to bring me less presents because some poor kids needed them more. And I probably asked for peace.

Santa, we go way back. I don't really want to be greedy. Just get me the race car set. And have a nice Christmas.