Tuesday, August 10, 2010

My Romantic History, So Far

Don't worry, this isn't porn related, or anything shady, and no body part references where you have to close your eyes. It is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Sometimes funny, sometimes sad, and yes, a bit pathetic. While I have titled it, "So Far...", it is most likely finished, but I do have to keep Mrs. "C" on her toes as she has checked out Nurse Juan. Her idea of Mr. Perfect.

It starts at the NY World's Fair 1961-65 when I was just a Young Crochety. You know the Fair with the big globe still sitting there in the background of the Mets games. If you went you probably have a picture of it with your aunt and uncle somewhere in your family photos.

What is important to note is that this is where I stopped in at the Philippines exhibit. Yes, now you know how I developed my life long attraction to Filipina nurses. It may also explain some of the issues I had with the overly affectionate Filipino mail nurse from many posts ago. Now I will have something else to chat about with my therapist, I guess *sigh*. Thought I was cured.

My first crush was a young asian girl (surprise). I tried to show I was interested by breaking off pieces of my eraser, trying to get them stuck in her hair.

Advice to any young lotharios: This pisses off your object of affection and usually gets detention. Choose another method.

The next young lady was a bit flirty with me so I was thinking about asking her out. Then she died. I refused to date dead chicks. While it is true they don't complain about the movie choice, they do attract flies at the drive-in.

After this audacious start, I started dating some cute little blond of viking descent. That should have been a BIG hint. A few weeks later I got a "Dear Joe" letter as she went off and joined the Marines.

Next was cute blonde 2.0. She asked me out. Few straight males would turn that down,. Most would have been cautious. Most men would have known they were being cheated on, not me.

Soon I met the first Mrs. "C". How would I sum up our marriage? KAPOW! ZAP!! BOFF!!! AAAAARRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!. Nuff said. So was this the end? Or would Crochety manage to find another terrible relationship?

Place your bets...

And the winner is...

Met a woman through the classifieds. Spoke for a few weeks on the phone. We found a mutually agreeable day to go to dinner. She then proceeded to eat more chinese food than a small group of sumo wrestlers while telling me about the great guy she met a few days before. With that you would think she'd offer to pay for part of the meal.

While going from flower to flower I joined a self-help group. Had a lot female members there so I stayed. Eventually an old friend of mine who was also a member brought a woman he had been casually dating. From the moment I set eyes on her I was smitten and have been ever since. Yep, I wooed her big time. What choice did she have other than to fall in love with me. I was a suave, debonair, stud muffin,and a prime piece of American beef on the hoof. AHHH, TRUE LOVE AT LAST.

Going strong for over 17 years, isn't this a happy ending "SO FAR"?



http://www.humorbloggers.com

14 comments:

Sandee said...

Awww...she's a lucky gal, or is she? Bwahahahahahaha.

Have a terrific day. My best to Mrs. C. :)

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Don said...

...and now you're getting anonymous comments in the form of paid ads? Sheesh! You've struck gold! Way to go Joe, and congratulations!

nonamedufus said...

I'm really happy to hear you married up, Joe. Congrats on 17 years of bliss. Um, how's that enlargement thingy working out?

ReformingGeek said...

You are one lucky guy, Joe!

I'm glad you don't date dead people. That would be like talking to a corpse.

Oh.

;-)

The Hawg! said...

There's an advantage to dating the dead -- they don't give you no lip.

Hope you're doing OK...

FishHawk said...

Yep, you have finally done went and rendered me speechless. I think I'll go lie down now.

vanilla said...

Yep. Keep it going!

Moooooog35 said...

You lost me at 'this isn't porn related.'

LL said...

Does Mrs. C know about the love of your life?

Marilynne said...

I love the story. You must be having a good day today.

Janna said...

This is kind of sweet, in a cute but disturbing way. :)

I'm still chronically single. This is a bummer sometimes, but it does have hidden benefits when I feel like spontaneously driving to Taco Bell at 1:00 in the morning.

apartments in dubai said...

Ah wow that's a lovely story. I must say you are very interesting person and I loved digging your posts. I must say that was a weird way to show her your interest by breaking off pieces of your eraser. LOL. And yeah Asian girls are always looks beautiful so anyone can get crush on them.

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