What exactly is a sport, anyway?

ESPN used to be a pretty good channel. It showed alternate baseball teams, so I could watch other games when the Yankees or Mets weren't on. Of course, TBS also showed other teams, but, you get the idea. They also showed football games after enjoying the Giants or suffering with the Jets. Stiil, it was all good.
So many sports like soccer, they needed ESPN2. A slight drop in what I liked to watch, but it was still all good. I like watching the extreme stuff once in a while. Then they started showing classic clips. Gradually, it became classic games. Then they launched a classic sports channel. Ok, now it is becoming a little more difficult to find interesting things to watch. I don't like basketball, auto racing, or soccer. I don't like watching classic games, though I will watch a classic boxing match. Once in a while, bowling is on. I can almost call bowling a sport. But I do sometimes question how someone can be an atlete competing in a sport while smoking and drinking beer.
Now, fast forward to today. What was on ESPN? The Soapbox Derby. It was on for 2 hours. I watched 5 minutes, and I got my fill of Soapbox racing. 5 Minutes was enough to last me the rest of my life. Who the hell watched it for 2 hours?
Coming up is some Poker showdown. Ok, when the hell did poker become a sport?
I guess is was the same time the dominoes championship that was on the other day was declared a sport. The next big thing on ESPN is darts.
Ok, a sport that is also accompanied by smoking and beer. What the hell happened? How did this happen?
I'm waiting for "Sitting on My Ass and Watching TV" to attain the level of professional sports. Then I can add "Athlete" to my resume.