Sunday, September 19, 2010

I'm a Big Kid Now

Been a while since I've typed to youse so I'll bring youse up to date.

As youse can tell, from the title, I've graduated to pull up diapers. Note to men: they are kind of bulky so they are great for speculation if you are into the bar scene.
I report to the butcher (surgeon) weekly, and one week he wants to chop again and the next he saya all is fine. Either way he "cleans it up" which is one extremely painful procedure.

Now I have an ethical question. Some of the old folks are up half the night raising a ruckus and interferring with my beauty sleep. And of course they sleep in their chair all day. So. when I see them dozing, I kick the chair to wake them. The pretty young nurse calls it mean, I call it tough love. What do youse say?

Quote of the month "Hey, I need that stuff."
Can you guess what the physical terrorists were doing to me, or where?

Did you hear about the bank robbers who tried to escape by driving through a car wash?

They wanted to make a clean getaway.

P.S. Kevin I lost your phone number. Please call me at 908.222.5142

Everyone else is welcome to call, too. Or else I'll kick your chair while you're sleeping.



http://www.humorbloggers.com

25 comments:

ReformingGeek said...

Hey there Stranger! It's good to hear from you.

I think kicking the chair is perfectly OK.....but it's best that you don't rob any banks, 'K?

f82bfat said...

I came across your blog a while back and love it. Have been wondering for a month how you are doing. I'm all for that tough love shit...my daughter and her boyfriend sleep all day and play games all night...think I might try kicking the bed...or maybe just kicking some ass. Take care Crotchety Old Man, your attitude shines truly bright in this dark world of political correctness.

00dozo said...

You've graduated to pull-ups? Does this mean your now a stand-ups kinda guy? Sounds like progress!

Yeah, kick the chair - just make it look like an accident.
;-)

nonamedufus said...

"Hey I need that stuff"? Joe, they aren't doing away with your naughty bits now are they? Lord knows they've pretty much played with everything else! Cause if they take your naughty bits those cute nurses won't be able to say things like "Hey is that a pull-up or are you just glad to see me?"

I think of you often. Glad to hear things are progressing.

The Queen said...

Hey, I was just thinking of you today. I had a dream about you last night..

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and you were GREAT!

vanilla said...

One-legged man kicks sleeping peoples' chairs. Have at it.

It is good to find you back here!

Dani Cally said...

Long time no hear! Glad to see you're ok

Marilynne said...

I have visions of you going through the home and kicking the chairs of people who are asleep. You are alive because you act alive.

Good luck with the physical terrorists.

LL said...

Just desserts if'n you ask me, and of course... you did.

FishHawk said...

What kind of bars are you talking about?

Deb said...

Kick 'em hard enough to knock 'em over 'cause then they'll be awake longer. An added benefit is that with all that kicking you are strengthening your leg which means less physical terrorist time.

Don said...

Been wondering about you. Now I know. Kicking chairs and looking manly in those pull up padded panties.
Good luck with that "cleaning" issue. I can only imagine how much that crap must hurt. That would be enough alone to make me want to kick somebody's chair.

Janna said...

When you have a dull moment, you could take a permanent marker and draw ads for your blog on the Pull-Ups.
Either that or ask all the PYN's if they want to autograph today's Pull-Ups.

Probably best if you ask BEFORE the Pull-Ups need to be changed.

LaurAyn said...

I sent you Reiki on Friday night. I hope it helped you.

Amy J - Book Addict said...

Hey!
The Dame here! Some of us were on a vacation from the kingdom for a few days, but I am stopping by to say hi now!!
Our lovely Queen directed us to your blog!

If only you knew said...

Kick the chair as many times you need!! Clean getaway,funny.

-MissC* said...

Don't kick my chair you crotchety old man!!! The Queen sent me over to say hello.
But I am keeping my distance cause I have the flu and I know how easy it is for ya'll to get sick so consider this a neighborly howdy from a distance.

middle child said...

I'm here cuz the Queen said that if I didn't get here, she would close up my v-jayjay with cement. And I really can't afford to be out of work right now. Blessings to you.

Sandra said...

Queen of WTF is threatening bodily harm if we don't come by and say 'hi!' So 'Hi!"...and please stop kicking the elderly people's chairs. What if one of them falls out and breaks a hip?

Deb said...

The Queen sent me to say hello :) Crotchety peoples are my favorite kind. I say kick the shit out of their chairs...bastards keeping you up all night, the nerve!!!

Mike said...

Hi nice to meet you. I read your last 5 posts. The Queen was right, you are funny. Keep it up.

Momma Fargo said...

LOL. Over here because of the Queen. Love your blog!

The Queen said...

I am so proud of the Royal court.. they are so friendly and spread the cheer where ever they go.. read them.. you have depends.. so no problem with the laughing so hard you pee yourself..

-MissC* said...

My husband started a blog recently. If you're into sports, video games, or beer you might enjoy checking his blog out.
http://ballsbeerandvideogames.blogspot.com/2010/09/booze.html

Maritess G. said...

Hey Joe!

Hmmm...well tough love has to be a little mean sometimes lol! :)

And funny joke about the bank robbers!

Take care,
~tess~