Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Snow again GRRRRRRR

Before today's Pulitzer Prize worthy blog post, here's the rant of the day. We got a bit of snow here, about 6". That didn't stop NYC Mayor Mike (quick get a camera crew) Bloomberg from holding a press conference about the snow! This guy is becoming a pain in the ass, and I'm not even in New York.

Here's today's irregularly scheduled post:

Last week, the lottery hit a third of a billion dollars. Since my retirement plan is a dollar and a dream, I started to imagine what I'd do if I won. Here's my list:
Buy
1. Fur toilet seats for cold mornings
2. Solid gold snow shovel for Mrs. C (she does deseve the best)
3. A Rolls Royce and have it modified into a pick up truck, with a gun rack.
4. A new home with a moat and drawbridge.
5. An Italian restuarant, so I can have seating for 12 when the Mrs and I go out. I like to move around when I eat.

Hire:
1b. A security force (army) of clowns armed with Uzis that shoot silly string.
2b. 1000 Elvis impersonators to sing Happy Birthday to me every morning.
3b. A baker to bake the world's largest coconut cream pie. (Why? Remember that army of clowns?)

Lastly, I'd acquire a few towns, and rename them after body parts.
Like Naughty Bits, Kentucky. Nah, I'd probably name them all Naughty Bits. I'd also send a check for $3.92 each to all my regular commentors like Sandee, Maritess, MB, LL, Reffie, Janna, Don, and FishHawk.



http://www.humorbloggers.com

14 comments:

Sandee said...

I hope you win because I could sure use an extra $3.92. Way cool.

I was reading another blog this morning that referred to Bloomberg as Bloomturd. I spewed my coffee all over the monitor. He is becoming a PIA. Why doesn't he just stick with helping to build that mosque at ground zero?

Have a terrific day Crotchety. My best to Mrs. C. Bless her heart married to you and all. :)

The Crotchety Old Man said...

$3.92?!?!

I need to start commenting on here more often!

ReformingGeek said...

I can't wait to receive my $392. That's going to help with the Christmas bills.

What?

Oh. I put the decimal in the wrong place?

Oops.

Gee, has the mayor not ever seen snow?

00dozo said...

Excuse my blondeness, but what is a "PIA"? Prick In Action? Maybe they should just call him Bumbleburg.
;-)

I'd ask for the $3.92, but writing the cheque for it would probably cost you more.

f82bfat said...

wow! you stole my dream. 1000 Elvis impersonators singing to me everyday. Happy Birthday, the theme for the Miss America Pageant, Burning Love...just any old ditty would do.Must pack my bags now and move to Naughty Bits, Somewhere, USA.Good luck with that lottery thing.

wwillow27 said...

what kind of guns go on the gun rack? You already have the uzis covered.

Dazee Dreamer said...

you know, they make a heated toilet seat. I hear they are awesome

Don said...

Those are some pretty indulgent things on the wish list. However, should you ever get that Rolls Royce, send it down here. I'll guarantee that we can get it converted into the redneck rover of your dreams. Gunrack, mud grips, 20ft. tall cb antenna and rebel flag bumper stickers every where. Heeee-haaaaa!!!

LL said...

What the hell would I do with that kind of money? The IRS would be all over my ass...

Meh... I'd still take it.

MAFW said...

So I didn't take you as a pickup truck driving gun rack kind of guy.

Da Old Man said...

@ Sandee: Bloomturd. LOL. Wait til he runs for President so all America gets to hate him.

@ The other Crotchety: Welcome, and the check will be sent the day after I win.

@ Reffie: You'd think that. Kind of like when the media goes nuts when it snows.

@ 00dozo: Pain In the Ass. That's Bumbleburg. :) I like the name. Very appropriate.

@ f82bfat: Thanks. Glad you share my dream.

@ willow27: Painball guns or one of those water guns.

@ Dazee: But not as soft.

@ Don: Totally pimped out, Redneck style. I like it.

@ LL: Invest it, and in a few years it could grow to five bucks.

@ MAFW: I just want a unique vehicle. Maybe I should make it into a 70's style van? With shag carpeting, and a water bed.

Maritess G. said...

Hey Joe!

LOL...Thanks for the mention :)

Take care,
~tess~

sell car said...

nice

Blogger said...

3 Studies REVEAL Why Coconut Oil Kills Belly Fat.

The meaning of this is that you literally burn fat by eating coconut fat (in addition to coconut milk, coconut cream and coconut oil).

These 3 researches from big medical journals are sure to turn the traditional nutrition world upside down!