Sunday, January 18, 2009

The Tale of the Bumble Beetle

There is a sordid part of my past that few know about.

I used to steal cars.

Oh, before you get the wrong idea, I never kept them, or sold them, or anything like that. In fact, I always returned them in the same condition. And they belonged to my friends, so it was all good. My larcenous behavior wasn't my fault, really. I was so easily led astray.

The first car I stole belonged to George. It was an older Chevy Nova, and very easy to heist. My buddy Vinny (Ed. Note: Crotchety lived in an Italian community in New Jersey. There is a Vinny in every story, as required by law.) and I were hanging around Burger King late on a Friday night, and George was busy inside working. Vinny suggested that we hide George's car. Which implies, of course that we break into it, and move it somewhere else. Breaking in was pretty simple as he left the windows open. We slipped the car into neutral (old cars don't require a key to do this) and we proceeded to push the car across the lot, and hid it in some large bushes on the property of the business next door.

George came out a short while later, and we were in our usual position, leaning on my Plymouth Duster. George looked confused, as he seemed to remember parking his car where my car was. After a nervous few minutes, he started to get upset, and without telling him how it got there, we "noticed" part of the car sticking out of the bushes. George was relieved. For the next few weeks, we hid George's car in a different place every night. It sort of became a game for George, too.

But that was nothing compared to the Bumble Beetle. Our friend Ken had a car called either the Bumble Bug or the Bumble Beetle. It was a Volkswagon Beetle, about a 1966 or so. For reasons known only to himself and his Creator, Ken's dad, the former owner, decided that it would look great painted yellow and black. We dubbed it the Bumble Beetle.

Photobucket


Artist's rendering


As you can imagine, the car was rather distinctive looking. Ken could not go anywhere and not get recognized, or at least spotted by us. The first time this became apparent was when Ken went to Korvette's to buy something or other. I was driving around with Bob, another car thief buddy, and we spotted the Bumble Beetle in the parking lot.

"You know what would be funny?"
What?
"Let's do something to the Bumble Beetle"

So, we got the Beetle, and moved it to a spot that was nearly impossible to get out of. It was wedged between 2 cars, facing the wrong way. Ken had to wait until at least one of the shoppers moved before he could go home.
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Bird's eye View


Keep in mind, the Beetle could be spun around to fit in many different positions, all of which were impossible to drive out of.

We spent the rest of that summer stalking Ken and finding new places to drag his car. If there was a curb, the Beetle always wound up on it. A ridiculous spot to get wedged into? In went the Bumble Beetle.

Good times.

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23 comments:

Paul Eilers said...

Not only is it required by law to have a 'Vinny' on every corner in New Jersey, but a 'Tony' too!

Your story reminded me of a time back when I was in college. I played football and lifted weights on a regular basis.

One day while walking across a campus parking lot, I saw my roommate's blue Subaru. I decided it would be funny if he got a ticket for double parking. So I grabbed the car by the back bumper and slid it over into the empty parking space!

It was all I could do to keep from laughing when he came storming in our apartment later that day, ticket in hand, wondering what the hell happened!

HumorSmith said...

You are just a good time, aren't you?
You realize of course your antics led to overuse of the phrase, "You be buggin'"?

Undoubtedly Ken is now in some old Volk's home.

Chunks of Reality said...

You are a nut and I love it!

I also love your doggy...I always smile when I see him on your blog.

FishHawk said...

Did Kevin change his name to Adullamite and move to Scotland? It would sure explain a lot.

Lauren said...

If I were a boy I would have done this stuff too. My girlfriends and I once went to my first Ex's place of employment and took the air out of his tires while he worked. We were so bold as to hide and wait until he came out to watch him pissed off about it. TEEHEE!

Michelle said...

You had me at Korvettes!!!!

Takes me back some!!!

Happy Sunday!!!

Hey i ran 10 miles yesterday!!!!

ettarose said...

Oh you and I would have had a blast together. I was quite the tomboy and I love a good prank. Still do!

Chat Blanc said...

ooooh that's wicked good fun!! :) loves it!

Don said...

Vinny and Bubba...must be cousins from different parts of the country. The thing I laughed about the most here was the fact that you actually owned a Plymouth Duster! Oh hell, now that's funny.

Comedy Goddess said...

I drove from CT to CA in a silver and green painted '66 VW bug. It was a Kool Cigarette promo car. Good times back when everyone smoked!

Heather said...

There are a few "friend" I would love to do that now. I once was "playing" with my sister's car and mounted the curb - I left it there. My brother and my dad were making fun of her for years. Finally when I was about 25 I told them what happened. I was 9 when it originally happened.

unfinishedrambler said...

My father and his friends did things like that. Of course, I think they took apart a VW and put it on the roof of the local high school too. At least, that's the legend.

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

You were quite the little devil weren't you? Bwahahahahahaha. Good clean fun if you ask me. What a delightful post.

Have a terrific day. :)

dizzblnd said...

I can imagine the look on his face ever time you moved it!


LMAO @HS comments.. you are good!

The Self-Deprechaun said...

I think these cars wanted to be stolen: the nova, a duster, if you told me that you tried to take or play a joke on a corvair, the joke would have been on you, as it blew up in neutral. I bet you still have skills like a jungle panther, though!

Da Old Man said...

@ Paul: Got to like it. :) Ken used to come by Bob's house and complain regularly. That made it even better.

@ Humor: Hopefully

@ Chunks: That's Pepper. He's the faithful companion of one of the caption contest judges. Just seing his picture always cheers me up.

@ FishHawk: It does explain much.

@ Lauren: It was fun.

@ Michelle: 10 miles? The Spawn drove me 10 miles yesterday, and I needed a nap when I got home. I used to love Korvette's.

@ Etta: Probably would have gotten arrested, but would have been so worth it.

@ Chat: It was. It's always good to prank friends

@ Don: Sad, but true. Slant 6. I'm still embarassed.

@ Comedy: I remember those cars. Wasn't it called a Beetle Board or something like that?

@ Heather: That's funny. A mystery solved after all those years.

@ Unfinished: Lots of legends like that. In my high school, the seniors hid the car belonging to a teacher. I wasn't around that day.

@ Sandee: Yeah, but nothing really too bad. Though one time we did tie up one friend and throw him in the back of a truck and drove around for a while, but that's legal, right?

@ Dizz: They were priceless. Went from to confused to angry, with everything in between. Eventually, they were just looks of the defeated.

@ Self: We could only steal the cars that were available. Our friends with newer cars couldn't be taken because the trans locked. :(

Anne said...

Excellent. Now I know where to come when I need someone to help me pull a prank. Always good to have associates lined up, just in case.

melissan said...

we did the same to a friend of mine who had a ford festiva. It took a few of us to pick it up and turn it sideways, leaving her helpless to get her car out of the parking lot. Not much to do in the summer in rural massachusetts.

The Hawg! said...

Reminds me of a fellow I knew back in college. He drove this old Cadillac and people had dandy fun stealing his keys when he was passed out drunk and relocating his car to various places around town.

Aye, good times indeed...

Da Old Man said...

@ Anne: I'm ready to help

@ Melissan: Great prank. Boredom leads to the best ones

@ The Hawg: Perfect. He should have knwon better than to get drunk like that, I guess.

Jenn Thorson said...

Note to self: Never give Crotchety keys to car. :)

Kasey said...

Why do boys have all the fun!

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