Showing posts with label making money. Show all posts
Showing posts with label making money. Show all posts

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Things I Learned on the Internet

1. If you get a digg from someone named Senor Information, it’s either something everyone who’s not Amish has already heard about on TV or the radio, or it concerns animal enemas.
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2. Blogs that are called “all about {insert anything you choose here}” rarely are. In fact, I usually know more about the subject than I can learn from said blogs, especially the all about animal enema ones.
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3. I worry about things that probably no one else cares about. I’ll click on a blog to read, and then minimize it while I answer the phone. Then go to the bathroom. Have lunch, maybe scratch some naughty bits, when suddenly I realize the page has been open for like an hour. First thing I think is, the blogger must look at the stats and wonder what pervert has been staring at suggestive pictures of their cat for 59 minutes?
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4. Blogs that are tips about making money rarely have any tips other than cover your blog with ads no one cares about.
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5. Some people get offended by pictures I post. They really should read a newspaper and get offended by Darfur, the world wide economic crisis, energy sources, Muslim extremists who have threatened to kill Paul McCartney because he is going to play music in Israel, the banking industry, the USA health care system, animal enemas, and war just for starters.
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6. Blogs written from the viewpoint of dogs, cats, kangaroos, dead relatives, trees, babies, and nearly anything anyone wants to personify, are usually silly. If you are thinking of writing a blog from the viewpoint of a near sighted squirrel that lives in your yard would be hysterical, please think beyond the 3rd post. This blog is one of the exceptions http://the-pumpkin-patch.blogspot.com/

7. I often wonder why recipe blogs have such dishes as octopus. Where would I even buy octopus? Shop-Rite doesn’t sell it. Do I really need to know which wine goes with octopus? If I were to cook it, let alone eat it, I would have to have been pretty plastered on Jack Daniels long beforehand. Photobucket

I learn a lot at:
http://www.humorbloggers.com/

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Daddy's Little Girl

I'm kind of extra crotchety today. I'm really anti-technolgy right now. Especially cell phones.

First, the phones are so darned delicate. Did you know if you drop one into a bucket of urine, it won't work any more? Don't test this yourself, just trust your old broken cell phone friend, Crotchety.

I talk to my daughter every day on the telephone. Some days as many as 10 times. You may think that means I spend hours talking to my progeny. I probably average about 8 minutes or less, in total.

Here's a typical day's conversations.
Spawn: What is the name of the restaurant in Rahway where you used to like to go, but I wouldn't because I hate Mexican food.
Me: Beana's.
Spawn: OK, thanks. Bye.
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Spawn: Who was the baseball player whose kids I hung out with?
Me: Alvaro Espinoza
Spawn: Ok, thanks. Bye.
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Spawn: There's a Trader Joe's about 10 minutes from my house.
Me: You said you don't like Trader Joe's.
Spawn: I don't. I just thought you'd like to know. Bye.
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Those were pretty typical, except for the calls when she asks for directions, or to borrow 50 dollars.

I'm exaggerating. Usually it's 200 dollars, and for any Dad with a daughter, you know how "loans" work out.

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I finally figured it out, though. My spawn sees me as a combination Bank/ATM/Google.com/personal biographer.

But she did assure me that if she is ever on Cash Cab, I'd be her Shout Out, so that's a good thing, I guess.

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Her phone habits seem most typical of people of her generation. To be honest, I've started to notice it in mine also. Mrs. Crotchety will get phone calls constantly throughout the day. It seems her friends, like my daughter, phone whenever a thought pops into their heads.

I have no idea what's up with that.

By the way, does anyone know where I can get a waterproof cell phone?

The cell phones are always working at:
http://www.humorbloggers.com/

Saturday, July 26, 2008

You Can Make a Million Dollars a Day, Too

This is one of the best emails ever.I thought you would all enjoy it. It was sent to me it by my friend, Freddie.
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It's TRUE !!!!!!!

No kidding Make one million dollars per day I will show you how it's done ...step by step I have been doing it for five years already ...

Just send me five dollars, Please, my kids need braces ...ok send three dollars .. Wow, see you already saved two dollars and we just met ..

Imagine if we got to know each other for a few months ?????? We could be talking thousands, uhhmm millions.

OK, wait one sec.. I need to do something .......
OK I am back, just made another million, that was fun As I was saying please send me three dollars ...

I really could use the money, I have a roof to fix, dry cleaning bills plus my printer (Cannon bubble jet) is almost out of ink.

Ok, if you send four dollars I will tell you real cool gossip from my neighborhood. I live in a one bedroom apt in the Bronx. Mansion in the Hamptons.
I would give you my phone # but it was shut off oops I mean, I’m not home.

I am not one to flaunt my wealth.... however last evening I ordered Chinese food .....They said delivery was five dollars extra!!! So I said "what the heck, I can meet you half way "
See I saved $2.50 already & showed you how ~~~

These are secret tips I have developed over the years ... and I will be happy to share them with you ..
All you need to do is send two dollars ...

Wow you already saved another buck... it's cause I really like you ..

What are you wearing ? Ooops wrong e-mail Sorry ...

ok , back to making money.

Ok, here is another secret , always carry around a ten thousand dollar bill and act very aloof when buying an item .. Example : I would like a slice of pizza , do you have change for a ten thousand dollar bill ? They usually say "nope" Bingo ~~ FREE PIZZA ~~~ See , I already taught you how to eat for free ~~

By the way , this secret does not work in Kosher Deli's for some reason I tried but they said they did have the change I might try a twenty thousand dollar bill I think they have a picture of Abe Vigoda on them .

So do I have you boonswaggled yet ? Ooops I mean Uhhhh …you trust me, right? Hmmmm ok. I don't blame you ..This does seem to good to be true .. I will now prove it to you ...

YES PROOF !!!!!!

Here is an interview with my last customer~~
Customer: Yes I did make one million dollars in one day with your special secrets, Uncle Freddie Freddie: Please do not mention I am your uncle !!!
Customer: Uhh ok , how come I haven't received crap yet from your special program ??
Freddie: Shut the hell up, you imbecile !!!!

FOLKS ~~ !!!~~~ Sorry , that never should have been released to the public however I feel so close to you all now .. What are you all wearing ? Ooops wrong e-mail again

Anyway, please send Two measly dollars will ya ?? Please ~~~~ TWO DOLLARS IS ALL I ASK OK ONE DOLLAR WILL DO oops cap lock

Submit your moolah, buckeroonies, gelt, gefilte fish, or whatever you can spare to:
Freddie
Main Street
Downtown, New Jersey USA