Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Daddy's Little Girl

I'm kind of extra crotchety today. I'm really anti-technolgy right now. Especially cell phones.

First, the phones are so darned delicate. Did you know if you drop one into a bucket of urine, it won't work any more? Don't test this yourself, just trust your old broken cell phone friend, Crotchety.

I talk to my daughter every day on the telephone. Some days as many as 10 times. You may think that means I spend hours talking to my progeny. I probably average about 8 minutes or less, in total.

Here's a typical day's conversations.
Spawn: What is the name of the restaurant in Rahway where you used to like to go, but I wouldn't because I hate Mexican food.
Me: Beana's.
Spawn: OK, thanks. Bye.
Spawn: Who was the baseball player whose kids I hung out with?
Me: Alvaro Espinoza
Spawn: Ok, thanks. Bye.
Spawn: There's a Trader Joe's about 10 minutes from my house.
Me: You said you don't like Trader Joe's.
Spawn: I don't. I just thought you'd like to know. Bye.
Those were pretty typical, except for the calls when she asks for directions, or to borrow 50 dollars.

I'm exaggerating. Usually it's 200 dollars, and for any Dad with a daughter, you know how "loans" work out.


I finally figured it out, though. My spawn sees me as a combination Bank/ATM/Google.com/personal biographer.

But she did assure me that if she is ever on Cash Cab, I'd be her Shout Out, so that's a good thing, I guess.


Her phone habits seem most typical of people of her generation. To be honest, I've started to notice it in mine also. Mrs. Crotchety will get phone calls constantly throughout the day. It seems her friends, like my daughter, phone whenever a thought pops into their heads.

I have no idea what's up with that.

By the way, does anyone know where I can get a waterproof cell phone?

The cell phones are always working at:


Kirsten said...

Don't you mean a urine proof cell phone?

Da Old Man said...

@ Kirsten: Do they make them? I would so buy one if they do.

The Offended Blogger said...

First, I love Cash Cab. You will be my shout out too.

Second, I once had a cell phone that I dropped in my bath twice and my coffee once. Mind you, I take a lot of cream and sugar in my coffee.

It survived all of these accidents somehow but I am sure they quit making that particular phone since that was like, 4 whole years ago - the technology must be obsolete by now!

P.S. if you help me win Cash Cab I will take you to Trader Joe's for a shopping spree and dinner at Beana's afterward. ;)

The Offended Blogger said...

AND I might even buy you a cell phone that sends an electric shock to the caller if they call more than twice a day just to say nothing. :)

Drowsey Monkey said...

Ugh...that's why I hate cell phones. I tell my sister she doesn't need to phone me everytime a thought pops in her head. She only calls now for something really important. I don't own cell phone, probably never will.

I don't know what cash cab is ... is there money involved? I never asked my father for money...my god, can't even imagine doing that. He never offered either.

Shawie said...

Oh, my very first cell phone fell on the bowl with my urine:( I know, it's yikes! but that was so precious to me as I bought that from my first ever salary, lol! it worked fine though coz I took it with my bare hands right away- ewww & just wiped it with a little bit of alcohol, hahaha! i was just being stupid then, too attached with my new toy & I forgot to take it out from my pocket when I pe-d, LMAO!

Jenn Thorson said...

This is the whole reason I don't have a cell phone...

Er, not the fear of dropping it in a bucket of urine and inadvertently destroying it.

But because I don't want to get in the habit of calling people-- or being called by people-- every time a little thought pops into the ol' noggin.

PS- I love Trader Joes. The Spawn is missing out on foodly funness.

dani c said...

I need a shout out....

Bill said...

I have never owned a cell phone. I do however have a bucket of urine if anyone wants to test their phone.

Old Man, you sure do find the funny in life!

Da Old Man said...

@ Offended: I need the shocking phone. That would be so great.

@ Drowsey: I only have one for emergencies. I have no idea what my number is.

@ Shawie: You're lucky it still worked.

@ Jenn: The Spawn mises out on a lot. She's more set in her ways than I am.

@ Dani: Anytime. Just ask Cash cab Ben for the phone.

@ Bill: The funny is there all along. Usually we just don't notice it.

Jay said...

"Did you know if you drop one into a bucket of urine, it won't work any more?"


Sounds like the conversations and emails I used to have with my sons. These days they're a little more chatty.

Lauren said...

OK first you are a total P.I.T.A. because I was trying to sip my coffee and you almost made me choke with laughter.

I was just discussing this need to say every little thing with others with my friend Sarah on my way back from my bro's wedding in regards to Twitter. I am on that generation but I really don't get it at all. Maybe I should make my own post?

As for the daughter's loans from Daddy, well I plead guilty to that so you're in good company there.

The Natural State Hawg said...

Since I first got a cell phone over a decade ago, I've managed to:

1. Toss one out of a car window
2. Smash a couple to bits by flinging them across my office
3. Run one through a washing machine

I don't like them. Primarily because they exist as just another means through which people can aggravate the hell out of me.

My current one has lasted over three years now. I've calmed down a lot over the years.

Visit The Natural State Hawg!

MA fat woman said...

I hate buckets of urine--must be time for that yearly collection--I try not to take my cell phone into the can--I'm afraid someone might try to take a picture of me and my stuff with that camera.

Nicole said...

you seem to have left out the times I call to tell you I'm in the area and would you like me to pick you up some lunch and pay for it myself?? Or when I call to tell you I miss and love you!! And how can I leave out the times you call me just to tell me what happened right then during the Yankee game...it works both ways!!

Plus if I didn't call you all day you would be bored. You need me to provide entertainment in your life. You would be my mobile shout on Cash Cab and if I win you know you will get at least half!!

Tiggy said...

I solved the cell-phone-urine-bucket problem by applying cling wrap to the top of the bucket.

Now the phone just bounces off! Easy peesy.

Da Old Man said...

@ jay: Oh, she can be plenty chatty. Just most days, she prefers the constant updates.

@ lauren: Twitter is just evil. I read some of the twits (funny and appropriate nickname, though I think they call them tweets) and so many are plain silly. I'm barely involved with what I'm up to, let alone my friends.
And Dads rock. Just sayin'

@ The Hawg: 3 years with the same phone? That must be some kind of record. Congrats.

@ MA Fat Woman: Now that I think about it, it would make more sense to store my urine in the bathroom.

@ Nicole: Yes, my darling daughter. Half of your Cash cab winnings? It's not nice to lie to your Dad.

@ Tiggy: Finally, someone with a real solution. Thanks. I probably have some cling wrap handy, too.

~*~Shadow.Crystal~*~ said...

Did you drench your phone? Oh no! Don't get too worried... my phone went through a full wash and still works - I took it apart, took a blow-dryer to it, then let it sit for about 3 weeks... I suggest trying that.

Mobile phones are pure evil... I think I'm one of the few people in my generation (20-25) who despises them... I only have one because my parents decided I needed a tracking device when I was in high school :-P

Greg said...

I proudly remain cell phone free, so I take some small amount of pleasure in hearing these horror stories from you super-techno-philes...

...but sweet Jesus on a Jetski, who are all you people who keep buckets of PEE around?!?!

Doesn't that counteract the whole "I'm so modern I have a cell phone" thing?

TheFLy said...

You have a daughter?

Da Old Man said...

@ Shadow: I dried it out, still nothing.

@ Greg: It sure is a contradiction, isn't it?

@ The Fly: Yes, I do. I can't put her picture on my blog because she whined about today's post. Imagine if I put her picture?

TheFLy said...

haha, yeah, I can imagine. Well, you could always get her to do something for you with the threat that you would put her picture up, haha. She'll probably read this and hate me, haha. How old is she?

Da Old Man said...

@ The Fly: She's 23. Her picture is right by her comments above. She's the one on the left.

TheFLy said...

ah I see, she's pretty cute Crotchety. Good lookin' girl you got there. It sounds like she provides you with endless hours of entertainment, haha.

buzz buzz

Chat Blanc said...

the only thing I like about my cell phone is the vibrate setting. :D

Da Old Man said...

@ The Fly: Thanks. Yes, she does.

@ Chat: So, do you ever call yourself on one phone with another?

Lipstick said...

Hey Crotchety...can I get your number?

Da Old Man said...

@ lipstick: Sure. :)

JD from Hoeno said...

lol @ 'Spawn'. I resent the idea that people think they should be able to get a hold of me constantly, so there are about 3 people who even know I have a cell phone and they've been sworn to secrecy under threat of death.

GetSmartGal said...

Oh I have so missed stopping by here!! I think the calling thing is the older generation and the text is the x, y , and z generations. What are we going to call future generations we are running out of letters in the alphabet???

I get texts not calls and I get way too many of them.