Thursday, September 18, 2008

Things I Learned on the Internet

1. If you get a digg from someone named Senor Information, it’s either something everyone who’s not Amish has already heard about on TV or the radio, or it concerns animal enemas.
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2. Blogs that are called “all about {insert anything you choose here}” rarely are. In fact, I usually know more about the subject than I can learn from said blogs, especially the all about animal enema ones.
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3. I worry about things that probably no one else cares about. I’ll click on a blog to read, and then minimize it while I answer the phone. Then go to the bathroom. Have lunch, maybe scratch some naughty bits, when suddenly I realize the page has been open for like an hour. First thing I think is, the blogger must look at the stats and wonder what pervert has been staring at suggestive pictures of their cat for 59 minutes?
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4. Blogs that are tips about making money rarely have any tips other than cover your blog with ads no one cares about.
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5. Some people get offended by pictures I post. They really should read a newspaper and get offended by Darfur, the world wide economic crisis, energy sources, Muslim extremists who have threatened to kill Paul McCartney because he is going to play music in Israel, the banking industry, the USA health care system, animal enemas, and war just for starters.
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6. Blogs written from the viewpoint of dogs, cats, kangaroos, dead relatives, trees, babies, and nearly anything anyone wants to personify, are usually silly. If you are thinking of writing a blog from the viewpoint of a near sighted squirrel that lives in your yard would be hysterical, please think beyond the 3rd post. This blog is one of the exceptions http://the-pumpkin-patch.blogspot.com/

7. I often wonder why recipe blogs have such dishes as octopus. Where would I even buy octopus? Shop-Rite doesn’t sell it. Do I really need to know which wine goes with octopus? If I were to cook it, let alone eat it, I would have to have been pretty plastered on Jack Daniels long beforehand. Photobucket

I learn a lot at:
http://www.humorbloggers.com/

28 comments:

Drowsey Monkey said...

All very good insights.

Altho I never pay that much attention to stats, but it does explain why you look at my hump day posts for so long ;)

#5 - can't I be offended by 2 things at once?

#6 - except for daisy the cat and olga the bra...those rock :D

A. said...

As I am a crochety old woman I'll agree with the animal blogs (the exception being Daisy) and I wish they'd stay away from mine with their inane comments in some language I can't read,.

Adullamite said...

Good post, especially No.5.

TheFLy said...

I was wondering who was staring at my pic all day on my blog, haha. Turns out, its just old Crotechty having lunch and scratching his naughty parts, haha.

Nice list. You should do this every week, we could learn so much. Plus, Im pretty sure so many things happen on the interwebs for you every week that you would easily get a list of 5 fresh things. "Internet Lessons from Da Old Man" I like the sound of that, haha.

buzz buzz

ettarose said...

I am in total agreement with you on all fronts. I also don't want to know about anyone's batmitzah.

Rubba said...

meow meow meow meow growl growl **swat swat** @ #6. . .

puuuurrr . . .
(=^;^=)

Jenn Thorson said...

I think white wine probably goes with octopus. Or, er, ink.

I'm noticing a particular animal enema theme today running through the blog, Joe. Is there, er, something you need to tell us? :)

Lauren said...

OMG It's a good thing this assignment is ending soon, because with all the laughing I am doing I would probably get fired soon.

Don said...

I agree. Blogs that have absolutely nothing to say about anything and don't hide it are the best. You know. Like, ohhh...I don't know. Mine?

Bradley said...

I was thinking of writing from the perspective of my dog, Alfie, except he died 10 years ago so it'd be pretty boring from his perspective.

"Today I looked at all the dirt around me again."

Jude said...

I enjoy reading your blog and I like your sense of humor so I decided since I'm in comment mode I would take the extra moment and let you know. Have a great day.

Da Old Man said...

@ Drowsey: I spend just long enough on your hump day post to type something awful, and then I'm outta there. Olga is an exception. Daisy is ok, but I've seen some that are just lame.

@ a: Yeah, it isn't funny. Daisy speaks English, I've seen some where OY VEY!

@ Exactly.

@ The Fly: I probably could. I'll consider it.

@ Etta: Unless something funny happened during it, like an animal enema.

@ Rubba: Dork

@ Jenn: Senor infomation sent me something about elephant enemas, and I just can't get that out of my mind. I need a brain bleaching.
Yes, white wine goes with seafood, but I imagine octopus as being pink, so a nice rose, maybe?

@ lauren: Laughing at work is frowned upon.

@ Don: Your's is one of the funniest blogs around.

@ Bradley: Yeah, I was thinking of doing a post by my dog. "Hi, I'm Butkus, and I'm still dead."
He wouldn't have much to add after that.

Da Old Man said...

@ Jude: Thank you. Glad you enjoy it.

ssgreylord said...

i was reading your blog and drinking coke at the same time. can't remember which number had me spit said coke all over my keyboard in laughter. now i don't know if my damn keyboard will work. ahhh well, it was a good laugh...

Da Old Man said...

@ SS: Thanks. Sorry about the Cokey keyboard

The Natural State Hawg said...

Well, Crotchety, I'm upset.

I was all set to start up a blog called "The Cutesie Wootsie Itty Bitty Kitty Blog" (subtitled "Not your regular cat blog") and write it all from the perspective of our kitten.

Yes, it would be full of the wacky observations from a cutesie wootsie itty bitty kitty dealing with humans and other animals all day long. Heh. She'd refer to my wife and me as "her people" and it would be just so damned darling that people would go "awwwwww!" whenever they'd see it and leave comments like:

"Gizmo, you're just so darned cute. Yesh you are! Yesh you are!"

But you, Crotchety, have talked me out of all of that...

Visit The Natural State Hawg!

FlowerGirl said...

Dang... Why don't you go open my blog for a while that way I'll feel really loved... ha! No, you're totally right about all this. Once again, you enlighten us with your vast knowledge... Thank you.

Marlaine said...

Thanks a lot for the laugh! I really needed it!

Chat Blanc said...

See, this is why I don't surf as much as you do, I just rely on your blog as my source for all important information I need! :D

Da Old Man said...

@ The Hawg: Thanks. I'm glad I stopped you

@ Flowergirl: I visit all the time.

@ Marlaine: Thanks

@ Chat: That's why I do it.

Kirsten said...

Note to self-Can the "enema" post from the point of view of my cat.

Anonymous said...

lol Thanks for the laugh Joe. I am going to have to agree with this list. Maybe we just spend way too much time online? I wonder if non-bloggers have all these problems.

Lipstick said...

I love love #3! I do that too. Or I keep my own blog minimized and screw up my own stat counter. That's probably worse.

Dee said...

Oh Lord I'm with lipstick. I read someone say Con Man's blog and minimize it as I know have to go read it again to make sure I leave a sensible comment, only problem is I leave it on for about one hour while I do something else like make dinner.

Why the heck would they be offended by your pics. Oh those nitpickers.

Da Old Man said...

@ Kirsten: I have a visual in my head right now that is cracking me up

@ Anon: I only spend about 14 hours a day. Is that a lot?

@ Lipstick: I have mine set on ignore, so it probably doesn't matter what I do on mine.

@ Dee: Jack's blog is like that. It is so in depth.

Preston said...

Great post, but my ShopRite sells octopus. ;)

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