Sunday, September 28, 2008

Things I Wonder About Late Saturday Night

Warning: Mild Smiley Nudity

Did you ever have an image stuck in your head, and it just never goes away? I have several of those, and most involve naked women. And, no, the images are not pleasant ones.

Many years ago, I had a part time job delivering pizza. Yes, it was humiliating and horrible, and while every 3rd porn movie starts with a guy delivering a pizza, my experiences were quite different.

One night, the local nursing home called to have a pizza delivered for some staff members on the 2nd floor. The second floor is where the more, uhhmm, "interesting" patients lived. So, I made my way through the building, and went to the second floor. By the way, this was not exactly the cleanest nursing home, so it smelled like a baby's diaper. A really sick baby's diaper that hadn't been changed in a very long while.

Anyway, while waiting for the person who ordered to show up, I stood around and tried to ignore the residents. But one kept yelling, "Hey, Big Guy!" Finally, I looked at her, and asked her what she wanted. She immediately whipped off her shirt, and put one of those images in my mind I have never been able to get rid of.

Photobucket

And then, a few years ago, I was in a nursing home outside area, minding my own business, and some resident named Angela, who could have been Rosie O'Donnell's really, really, really old body double started calling to me. "Hey, Big Guy!" Now you'd think I would have learned my lesson years ago. But Noooooooooooooo. I had to look and ask her what she wanted.

And yes, once again, I was treated to the image of a topless really old woman.

Photobucket

And the last image--I was at a yard sale, looking through someone's junk, because hey, that's what people in NJ do on weekend's. Some of us put all our crap on our lawns, while others look through it, and save it up so in a few years we can put it on our front lawns.

Anyway, some "shopper" offered a lower price on some junk to a woman who had been dragging her junk out since dawn's early light, and obviously had a liquid breakfast. Photobucket

Rather than a simple no, the "seller" started yelling, and ripped her shirt off and demanded the "buyer" take the f'ing shirt off her back while she was at it. She then chased the poor "buyer" back to her car, and sadly, her bra did not fully do the job it had been designed for.

Please pass the brain bleach.

Don't forget to sign up for Deb's feeds. Time is running out on the bargain of the year.

WE BLOG FUNNY


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20 comments:

Lucy said...

Yes...some racks are capable of scarring the human brain. I remember walking in on my Aunt Marjorie changing her shirt and I just wanted to scrape the image off of my brain with a spatula. This post deserves an award of some sort.

Lauren said...

OH dear! All I can think is that I hope my boobs don't scare the bejeebers out of someone some day, too.

The Mortgage & More Blog said...

After reading this I have decided that I will never go to another nursing home.

The Offended Blogger said...

Oh you poor thing!

I have seen my fair share of old naked rich women who would come into the spas I worked at to get facials and Vichi shower treatments and mud baths and body wraps, etc..

Believe me, it is a bit disturbing to see a wrinkled old body with firm, perky, silicone filled tits, and many of them were getting their boob jobs done back in the day, so they had monster scars to go with them, too.

*shudders*

The Hawg said...

Alcohol helps get rid of those horrifying images, Crotchety. Yes, that's one of the main reasons it sells so well, in fact...

Da Old Man said...

@ Lucy: Brain scraping would be a good name for a rock band, BTW

@ Lauren: Just don't flash them randomly at unsuspecting strangers.

@ Mortgage: Lot of funny/scary stuff goes on when Grandma goes wild.

@ Offended: That sounds as bad as my experiences. Have some brain bleach.

Da Old Man said...

@ The Hawg: It's a temporary fix at best. Gawd knows I've tried.

~*~Shadow.Crystal~*~ said...

Ugh! I remember walking into the changing room at our Aquatic Centre when I was a child... nearly getting hit in the face with an old, saggy HUGE boob. In fact, I'm almost certain I must have went there right after some sort of senior swim class, 'cause the changing rooms were always full of old naked boob (what's worse is they were naked from the bottom, too).

Da Old Man said...

@ Shadow: At least you could almost expect it in a locker room.

TheFLy said...

Im back Old Man. Haha, dont lie, I bet you enjoyed those old fun bags. Way back in the day, I did a post on BATs, BigAssTitties. But you are correct, breasts do not age like a fine wine and gravity is not kind, haha.

Da Old Man said...

@ The Fly: Welcome back. Gravity is not kind at all.

Chat Blanc said...

hahaha! only you crotchety! you have come across some of THE craziest people. and all for our entertainment. that is sooo nice of you! ;)

dani c said...

Damn..that's what mine look like now...

David said...

>>>I was at a yard sale, looking through someone's junk

Where I come from my neighbor's don't take kindly to some guy showing up and inspecting their husband's junk.

I'm just saying.

Da Old Man said...

@ Chat: Thanks. I suffer mental trauma all for you.

@ Dani: Oh no!

@ David: I could have said crap, but that didn't sound any better.

Drowsey Monkey said...

My goodness. That's a lot of flashing for one lifetime.

Da Old Man said...

@ Drowsey: I know. And not once was I glad to be flashed.

MA Fat Woman said...

Mine are already sagging so much that I can tuck them in my pants along with my shirt.

HumorSmith said...

Woo ha! That'd pretty much be the only time I wouldn't enjoy being flashed.

And thanks a bunch for the image Da!

Da Old Man said...

@ MA: TMI, but thanks anyway.

@ Humor: No problem. Hey, why should I be the only one to suffer?