Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Take the A Train

You know how most family get togethers usually involve some story telling, and it's always some cutesy little tale from when favorite Uncle Billy was a kid, and at the county fair he ate so many candy apples he was sick for two days. Then everybody chuckles at Uncle Billy.

Yeah, that never happened in my family.

Most of the stories ended with cars flipped over and mayhem and destruction throughout the area.

But we did have one almost cutesy story, at least by my family standards.

My family lived in New York City for quite a while.


One day, my great Uncle Chris took his nephews (my future Uncles) Larry and Frank into the city with his niece Margaret (my future Aunt.)
They made their way through the underground maze that is the NY subway system.
All was well with the world. They rode the rails, shopped at Macy‘s, and had a wonderful day.


Suddenly, Margaret had need to use the facilities. Experienced subway riders know 3 things:
First, subway cars have no facilities
Second, sometimes the stations are really far apart, and it takes a long time to arrive at the next one.
Third, when a little kid has to go, they HAVE TO GO.

My future aunt was getting desperate. She had to go number 2, and in the worst way. Poor Uncle Chris was beside himself.

The car was not very crowded, and he had an idea.
He hustled my aunt and uncles off to a corner and sort of formed a little human screen around her. She did her business, and --OH NO!!! There rolling around on the floor were some hard little remains of yesterday’s lunch. (This was before fiber was discovered.)

Suddenly, Uncle Chris had an idea. He had some Tootsie Rolls in his pocket, probably for the kids for later on. Now was the time for sacrifice. He unwrapped the chocolaty delights, and stuck them back in his pocket. He then used the wrappers to, let’s say, “artfully repackage” the little poo logs.


Then, they were hidden under a seat on the train.

My Uncle Larry never would eat a Tootsie Roll after that day.



~*~Shadow.Crystal~*~ said...

In a sick way, your uncle is a bloody creative genius!

GumbyTheCat said...

Hopefully some little kid riding the subway later that day didn't think he had hit the candy jackpot...

Da Old Man said...

@ Shadow: yeah, most of my family is known for genius in a sick way.

@ Gumby: I could only hope that happened. :)

Jenn Thorson said...

I think I might be off Tootsie Rolls myself now. :)

Wendy said...

Oh yuckie Funny as heck but yuckie just the same

The Offended Blogger said...

That is the sort of ingeniousness that can help a person live through just about anything in life. :)

Chat Blanc (aka Sandy) said...

all I can do is say ewwwww and laugh at the same time!! BTW, thanks so much for the good wishes you left in comment on my blog today. I really appreciate the encouragement! :)

The Hypocritical One said...

My question is--how did they execute the transfer of the "waste" from the subway train floor to the tootsie wrappers?
A whole new meaning to stink finger.

Da Old Man said...

@ Chat Blanc: You're quite welcome

@ Hypocritical: I'm going to hope he used the wrapper to pick it up.

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

So did your uncle use the "bite-sized" wrappers? Or the FUN SIZE wrappers?


I almost fell out of my chair. How did he ever think of this? Amazing. loved this.

Da Old Man said...

@ Nanny Goats: We never diuscussed that, but I can only assume it was the large wrapper Tootsie Rolls.

@ Health nut Mom: My relatives are strange, but creative. :)

The Rev. said...

Quite the tale! And a perfect read for my inaugural visit here-

Greg said...

Oh, god...and certainly never any Tootsie Rolls loosely wrapped that you find under your subway seat!!

sexy said...