Tuesday, October 27, 2009

The Floodgates Are Open

Yesterday I set a record for the rehab center, 6 poops on one shift. Yea me.

Two qualified as mega pooooooooops.

So today, I took a chance with solid food, sausage and pancakes. The pancakes are a speciality here as they are crunchy.

Don't ask.

Because my bum and naughty bits have been so traumatized by recent events, the pt staff got a special cushion for my wheelchair. It cost $5000. You read that right.

My butt should be pleased.


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36 comments:

Moooooog35 said...

6 poops is a slow day for me.

I'm hot.

Quirkyloon said...

Can (pun intended) you pilfer that special cushion when you leave?

I hope so!

I want it.

hee hee

Keep on poopin' Crotchety! I'll think of you the next time I'm on the pot, oh wait. That would be now.

And at least you have somebody to wipe you. Me I got nuttin'!

ReformingGeek said...

Wow! I'm sending TP to you and Quirky. It sounds like you guys may have been rubbed the wrong way.

;-)

Anne said...

For $5000 your special cushion should include a scantily clad masseuse to moisturize the area whenever you get out of the chair. I'm just sayin'. Keep recovering! And get us that recipe for crunchy pancakes.

Sandee said...

A happy butt is a very good thing. Bwahahahahahaha. I'm not so sure that I needed to know this much about your pooping. Just saying.

Have a terrific day Crotchety. Big hug. :)

Swirl Girl said...

Tsunami pooh! Good for you!

Shieldmaiden96 said...

I was once pooped on six times in an AMBULANCE so I don't have a lot of sympathy for them; I'm just glad it happened because I know you must feel better. And that's all that matters.

nonamedufus said...

Woah, TMI. You give new meaning to The Biggest Loser...poop-wise anyway. Keep on poopin" Dom. Now we'll rechristen your blog Crappy Old Man Yells At Cars.

CatLadyLarew said...

Wow! I could really use one of those $5000 Butt Fatigue Pillows.

Jenn Thorson said...

Wow, that must be a government-issued bum protector, to cost %5,000!

And by the way, Crotchety, nice to see you're blogging again. :)

barb said...

OMG! TMI! But, Yay for you! bwahahahaha!

Webster said...

Those were some AA grade diamonds you had to hold back the floodgate!

A $5000 cushion? Does it come with features like heating and massage?

Don said...

Happy to hear that you now have a happy ass. Even I would have paid 5 grand for that experience. Sausage and a sore butt just does not go well together.

Claire said...

Hey Joe,

Hope rehab is going well?

Now the mumborg is one legged, she has a special cushion for her wheelchair, so she is not lopsided :)

LL said...

How sad is it that we're all glad you're crapping regularly?

And that is some special pad. Who knew your ass was worth that much?

MA Fat Woman said...

Between the 35lb removal of junk from your gut and a 6 poop day you should now be a pretty swelte guy.

Janna said...

You set a record for pooping!
Wow!

Just imagine what the trophy will look like!

I envision a hospital award show in a big theater, with everyone in the audience sitting on $5000.00 cushions.

Various doctors and nurses go up on stage to read the various awards and announce the winner of each.

You're sitting there in the front row, eagerly waiting...

Dr. House steps up to the microphone and, after some semi-humorous banter, announces that the winner of the Golden Turd award is....

Crotchety!!!

The audience applauds as you step onstage to give your acceptance speech, clad in a formal hospital gown which shows your backside to everyone present.

You graciously accept the award and start to give your speech...

And then Kanye West leaps onstage and takes the microphone away and announces that he'll let you finish your speech, but the guy across the hall had turds that were way better.

Joel Klebanoff said...

$5,000 for a cushion?! I didn't realize they made gold cushions. Either that or Anne's idea of a scantily clad masseuse to go with it might be worth it. Just saying.

Lola said...

Glad to here things are moving right along...for your recovery that is. Lol!

Phillipia said...

I see an ebay auction in your future...for the pillow, not the crap.

Glad everything is working its way out ok, DOM,

FishHawk said...

Oh, but I bet there's a lot more where that came from. By the way, wasn't not so very long ago when you were perplexed about getting so much of a certain type of email spam?

Me-Me King said...

$5000? And they question Health Care reform? pfffft!

Jormengrund said...

Meh.

Just "go with the flow" Crotchety.

I'm sure in no time you'll be back to your "regular" self.

Until then, enjoy your smaller version of a Cadillac!

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Congratulations! So let's see, that's 6 number 2s so, 6 times 2 is 12 and you carry the one, well I'll let the nurse carry your one.

:)

Bradley said...

$5000???? Why am I not surprised.
Btw Crotchety, I'm back.

Informatii said...

Very interesting post... I can see that you put a lot of hard work on your blog. I'm sure I'd visit here more often. George from wanted cars.

Junk Drawer Kathy said...

Hi, Crotchety. Just checking in. Haven't heard from you in a while. Hope you're doing OK. We miss you!

FishHawk said...

Well, are ya happy now?

Bradley said...

Yeah!!! Woo Hoo! six poops in a day is a major achievement. God job, my man.


P.S. I'm finally back

merrilymarylee said...

Fleet's? OMG, I'd rather eat some of my dog's high fiber dog food. Believe me. . . BELIEVE ME. . . it works. She's the poopingest dog in the state.

We have to subscribe to two newspapers just to have enough pickup bags and our neighbors supplement our stash with theirs.

Look at the bright side (which would not be the one you sitting on). . . at least you're not have to have your anal glands expressed. :)

Hope that brightens your day on your $5,000 whoopee cushion.

shyne said...

Thinking of you, hoping all is well and you'll be posting again soon.

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