Tuesday, December 02, 2008

I'm Home and Have a New Problem--You Can Help

My brother in law helped me get back home last night. He seemed pretty determined to get me and all my stuff out of his house

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I've been thinking that I need to make changes. So, I examined my life, and decided to look at all my vices as that would be the logical place to start.

I gave up chasing women a while ago, so that's not one of my vices.

I have one or two beers a year, so that isn't even in the remote vicinity of vice.
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I no longer go to strip clubs since the Crotchety Old Lady assured me that I don't like doing that.
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I don't smoke, or do drugs, so they were never a good vice for me. Photobucket

That leaves my one final vice, fast food cheeseburgers. Damn, I am so boring.

So, here's where I need your help: once I give up cheeseburgers, I'll be like a saint on earth, and nobody likes that. I'll probably be all preachy and annoying.

So, I'm seeking a new vice. I'll accept any and all suggestions. About the only parameter, is it has to be one I haven't already had, and should be relatively benign. While I am pretty positive I would be a really good junkie or crackhead based upon my enjoyment of painkillers, we both know that could only lead to health problems even more destructive than my cheeseburger vice.

And the final voting for Humorblogger of the year is open, right on my sidebar. One vote per person, and I promise not to bother you for any more votes for a long while. Thanks.

I'm still ignoring Greenland
www.humorbloggers.com

44 comments:

Swirl Girl said...

You see, C.O.M.Y.A.C - it's not the cheeseburger in and of itself that is the vice...it's the smell of the fryer - the saltiness of the fries, the sticky counter at the soda machine.

So- give up the FAST FOOD part...and have your burgers at home. Once in a while .

With a glass of red wine...it's good for you!

PaulsHealthblog.com said...

Glad to read you are home again, safe and sound.

No matter what new vice you decide to take up, get your health back!

Deb said...

There's no place like home! Glad to hear you are back in your Man Cave, blogging away. As for vice suggestions, maybe the vice squad can help. I have no vices. At all. I am as pure as the driven snow. WTF is "driven" snow?

Da Old Man said...

@ Swirl: I'm pretty sure I'm going to join what is called the slow food movement.

@ Paul: You're right. I should get healthy before choosing a vice.

@ Deb: I've heard you are the Snow White of bloggers.

ReformingGeek said...

Shopping, shoes, shopping, shoes, did I mention shopping?

Krissyface said...

How about naked yoga?

Da Old Man said...

@ Reforming: What would I shop for? Shoes? I wear special ones that cost way too much. Last pair was a bit over $3000, which is more than 4 of my last 5 cars.

Da Old Man said...

@ Krissy: Is that a vice? If yes, definately in the running, then.

Chica said...

Having no vice, that's your solution right there! not one you'd one, but one that would work. lol

Chat Blanc said...

for your new vice I recommend body piercings and tattoos. you'll look like a real bad ass! ;)

Jormengrund said...

I'd say that you flaunt your diabetes, and go on a Twinkie vice!

Think about this for a second:

Sure, you've gotta watch the blood sugar, but that just means that you let it drop really low, then BAM! Scarf down a few twinkies and claim that you need them to keep your insulin up!

It's PERFECT.

You can thank me later..

Da Old Man said...

@ Chica: But vices are usually fun.

@ Chat: Tats and piercings? That's worth considering.

@ Jourman: I'd need to start shooting insulin, then.

Heather said...

How about sledding on your new ramp? You'll be getting your exercise as well!

The Hawg! said...

Here you go -- The A-Team. And I mean watching countless hours of The A-Team, buying entire seasons of the show on DVD and driving everyone insane with your Mr. T/Hannibal Smith/Face/Murdock impression (just pick your favorite character and roll with it).

And what the hell is the deal with Greenland?

Don said...

Farting in church when your wife won't say anything...it always worked for me. Well, I'm divorced so...

Anonymous said...
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Keshia York said...
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memphisdonna said...

Glad you're back home!!

OK, vice?

How about EXTREME generosity?

I'll be happy to email you my address so you can send all my presents!!

Tiggy said...

That nice Keisha York has just given me an idea - become a spammer!

Kirsten said...

I voted for you twice already. It let me do it!! What a brown noser I am!

Let me think of a vice for you.
How about shopping? Maybe you can help start the economy.
I was going to say to start binging and purging, but decided on the shopping thing.

Bradley said...

You already have a vice - blogging and reading blogs. If you want another one then start biting your nails.

Jenn Thorson said...

Miami Vice. It's on DVD now. You could watch it compulsively while not eating cheesburgers.

GumbyTheCat said...

Sit by your window and slingshot those cars while yelling at them!

Olga, the Traveling Bra said...

I hear chocolate is good for your heart & that's just one reason it's my favorite vice! :)

xoxo

Anonymous said...

So sorry to hear about your poor heart!

I recommend really high quality pasta tossed with equally high quality olive oil and just a little bit of freshly grated parmesan cheese.

I'm sure Mrs. B. would make it for you.:)

Take care of your good self.

my3cents

Da Old Man said...

@ Heather: Could work, and I'd have the thrill of going right into the street. Danger makes a good vice.

@ The Hawg: I like it. I could be pitying fools all day long.

@ Don: That's a good one. And I could blame her.

@ Memphis: LOL. I thought you preferred cash.

@ Tiggy: I'm pretty sure that spam disappears as soon as my nap ends.

@ Kirtsen: Shopping could be good, just don't know what to buy. Jewelry for the Mrs. is so passe.

@ Bradley: Does reading all the fun blogs I do qualify as a vice? May have to consider nail biting.

@ Jenn: Miami Vice? Get that whole Sonny Crocket thing going? Worth thinking about. May have to start referring to my Xb as a Ferrari.

@ Gumby: Kind of like a Dennis the Menace vibe. I like it.

@ Olga: More chocolate. I like the way you think.

@ My3: One of my typical dinners. I like extra virgin Sicilian oil.

Marilyn said...

Daytime stories and Hot Pockets!

Thats all I got.
Sorry.

Lauren said...

Sex addict with the Mrs. of course!

The Josh said...

Good to hear you're doing better. I'm a crotchety young man in the throes of a quarter-life crisis, and I'm certainly not ready to usurp your throne just yet. As for your substitute vice, I'm with Chat Blanc on this one. A couple nipple rings and a Skull & Bones tatted across your chest aughta do the trick. Who knows, maybe your wife will tell you you belong in a strip club again. Just a thought...

Da Old Man said...

@ Marilyn: I hate those shows, though. But I do like Hot Pockets

@ Lauren: Hmmm. Best idea so far

@ The Josh: Tats hurt, though. Do rub on ones work as well?

Lola said...

Since the shoe shopping vice is out, how about collecting some sort of chotkey? Civil War momentos, coins, collectable knives or maybe start collecting some things from the Bradbury Exchange. Ooh, how about duck decoys?

The key is to have it be a 'guy thing'. That's what will make it a vice in the eyes of the mrs's.

This Brazen Teacher said...

Home Shopping Network. This vice won't require you to exert anymore effort turning on your tube and picking up your phone.

....And paying your exorbitant credit card bills once the addiction really sets in. But that's only a detail.

Da Old Man said...

@ Lola: I collected model trains, and now have hundreds. Baseball stuff, I tend to lose interest.

@ Brazen: I already spend way too much time and money bouncing between the HSN, QVC, and Jewelry TV channels. And, the devil is in the details. :)

eve cleveland said...

Yipppeeee, you are home!
Hey, hon. The only vices you need right now are breathing and taking your meds. Oh, all right, you can have some glitter too.
Eve

ettarose said...

How many pets do you have? I would want a sugar glider. You could take him everywhere.If you had a pet of some sort it would give you something to take care of. Take your mind off your health issues.The best thing to do is keep up with your meds and keep your readers happy. I voted for you cuz I adore you.

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

How about masturbation? You can't get in trouble cause you're all alone, it's enjoyable and it will keep you feeling nice and refreshed.

Just a suggestion...

Da Old Man said...

@ Eve: The glitter comes in handy

@ Etta: No pets, just an imaginary Pappilon named Sally. Thank you

@ Petra: That's just wrong. LOL

dani said...

Glad your back...I missed ya...Hmmm a vice ? I'm thinking hmmmmm well, I'm still thinking...

dani said...

Oh I know...World of warcraft...Believe it or not even though I consider it the antiChrist it's actually kinda cool to play...course not 1 hours a day either...:)

Da Old Man said...

@ Dani: WOW? That would irritate my nephew, or worse, he would humiliate me in it.

Janna said...

BACON.
Tons of bacon.
Bacon.

Baaaa-connnnn.....

And, best of all, you can put it ON THE CHEESEBURGERS!
It's a match made in heaven! Or hell. Or wherever they make bacon.

Da Old Man said...

@ Janna: Bacon? I'm thinking of becoming a vegetarian, and you tempt me with one of my favorite non vegetable things. After pork roll and cheeseburgers, of course.

shyne said...

Geez....I just went through my own long list of vices and couldn't find one benign enough to give you!

Hmmmmmmm..... :|

Blogger said...

I've just downloaded iStripper, so I can have the sexiest virtual strippers on my desktop.