Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Now What

The Christmas Holiday came and went, so now the Crotchety Old Lady is not speaking to me.

I know, it's possibly my fault. It's nearly always been my fault, so I'll just presume once again, it's something I did, or in this case, didn't do. Before Christmas, we had a "discussion" and she said, "Well, just don't get me anything." So, I didn't. Who could have guessed that she didn't mean it?

Now, let's say it's rather chilly here. So, I have to try to make it up to her.

I found these earrings:

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They are made in Maine, and aren't exactly production line junk. They are made of all natural materials, so she should be happy, right?

Since she is more annoyed than usual, I thought I'd get her this too:
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Youse would never believe all the unusual stuff I found Here.

So, do you think this stuff will cheer her up? I know it's really killing her not being able to wait on me chat.

And, if anyone is in a really helpful mood, it's almost New Year's Eve. I'm taking suggestions for possible resolutions for 2009 for me. I can't come up with anything, so if anyone has any ideas, they will be welcomed.


www.humorbloggers.com

34 comments:

MA Fat Woman said...

That's what I gave everyone in my family for Christmas and they haven't spoken to me since...Fossilized poop...works like a charm every time.

Drowsey Monkey said...

Nope, I gotta say ... if ya want something ask for it if you don't say so. I always say don't get me anything and my family always thought I was just being coy or something (I hate coy) and every year they got me stuff ... that I didn't want. Finally after 3 years they stopped and I'm happy! I really don't want anything. So now next year she'll know she has to tell ya. Easy peasy :) I should write a love lorn column, no? No! lol

Charmaine said...

Dear God.

All I can say is that you MUST consult me before additional forays into gift giving.

Do it for the children. I can help you, I CAN.

Don't you DARE buy this woman another gift without consulting me. Ever again.. ever.

HumorSmith said...

That's what happens when you're too pooped to shop.

ettarose said...

Crotchety, I am sorry that you don't understand Wife talk. I am also sorry about that black eye you are getting ready to get by giving her those gifts.

Adullamite said...

Never trust a woman! Not only does she lie to you, she then blames you!
Typical!

Resolutions.
1, Don't believe a word she says.
2, Obey.
3, Just give her your wallet.
4, Blog more.

HumorSmith said...

I linked to you because you gave me the idea for my latest post. Thanks DOM!!

HumorSmith said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mulled Vine said...

What's the goal of those gifts? Make her talk to you more, or less?

Kevin John said...

Yea, Crotchety, talk about reading between the lines....

If I ask my wife if those Keggers are too heavy for her to haul out of the truck and set up in the backyard for the Monday Night Football get-together with the boys, all she does is say "No dear. You just relax and watch T.V."

But if I continue to watch TV without patting her on the rump or something, she'll 'forget' to make me a mid-day sandwich with a pickle.


Geez Louise.

Deb said...

Us Maine-ahs aren't as dumb as we look, huh? Turning moose poop into jewelry...and people BUY it. I'm sure Mrs. Crotchety would be more appreciative if you gave her the whole matching set of earrings, necklace and nipple rings.

Happy New Year!

Jenn Thorson said...

These aren't, um, bronzed kidney stones or anything, are they?

Not that they aren't ... interesting... just that they (cough) sorta look (cough) really, um, organic.

ReformingGeek said...

Sounds like you're really stinking it up with all that poop stuff. Does she like perfume?

For resolutions, it's time to get back to the basics:

1. Get out of bed in the morning 6 out of 7 days of the week.
2. Shop for shoes at least once a month.
3. Buy yourself a position in the government of Greenland.

Chica said...

Not a fan of the earrings, but the necklace has a chance, just don't tell her it's poo. :p

Da Old Man said...

@ MA: But your heart was in the right place. It's the thought, not the gift.
Oh wait, it's poop. NM.

@ Drowsey: A new blog "Ask Drowsey." LOL Sort of like Ann Landers only Canadian with lots of extra U's.

@ Charmaine: I could probably use a woman's help with gifts and stuff. I don't always make good choices. For our anniversary, I took her to a model train show. She claimed it wasn't "romantic."

@ Humor: True dat. Can't wait to read your latest post.

@ Etta: Fortunately, she is not a particularly violent woman. She'll get back at me by not cutting the crusts off my Peanut Butter sandwich.

@ Adullamite: Just when I think I have her all figured out, she does something like this.

@ Mulled: I thought they would cheer her up, make her appreciate my thoughtfulnesss.

@ Kevin: Sometimes, we just can't make women happy. They are such curious creatures.

@ Deb: That is a thought.

@ Jenn: They are very, um, "organic." In the Crotchety Household, we are all about green living.

@ Reforming: I never asked her. But wouldn't perfume give her the idea I think she smells funny?

@ Chica: I'd never tell her. I'd just say it's coprolite

@

@

~*~Shadow.Crystal~*~ said...

I actually think that site rocks and would be quite proud to wear a necklace like that (but, no comment on the earrings) :-P

New Years Resolution? Quit pickin' on da old lady! ;-P

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

These two gifts are the ugliest jewelry I've had the misfortune of looking at. Don't, I repeat don't give her either one of these.

You crack me up. Good luck. Resolutions? I don't think you should do any resolutions. You are perfect already. Just saying. Bwahahahahahaha.

Have a terrific day. :)

Heather said...

Let me just say - don't get her those crotchety. As for a new years resolution how about forgiving Greenland?

The Hussy Housewife said...

Smooth one Joe..you fell for the classic "Don't get me anything" move!! LOL!! You should have know that was to easy to be true.

Are you sure the first ones aren't moose turds?? Just asking.

The Self-Deprechaun said...

I think these follow up gifts are very 'green', from the earth, organic, part of the circle of life. i don't think it's the gift themselves that will get you in the pooper so to speak. i think you just need to market it/sell it better. use the buzz words above.

Mike said...

I mean, if she likes jewelery that looks like shellacked turds, you should be on your way out of the dog house right quick!

Jormengrund said...

Crotchety, I have just one thing to tell you..

If you do indeed give her those, please plan on also covering your schlong in 24k gold, and giving it back to her once she cuts it off..

I mean, if she's willing to wear the earrings and necklace, she might as well have an interesting topper for her umbrella as well!

Hope you have a Happy New Year!!

dana wyzard said...

Is that bracelet, uh, dog poop? It looks oddly familiar but I can't put my finger on it and I don't think I'd want to put my finger on something that looks like dog poop. How do you feel about RUNNING (OK. WHEELING) to the computer and ordering something more, uh.... never mind. She'll start speaking eventually.

Da Old Man said...

@ Shadow: Not a bad resolution, but I'm sure she likes the attention

@ Sandee: I'll just keep looking for a make up gift for her.

@ Heather: Forgiving Greenland? I might do that. Excellent suggestion

@ Hussy: They are, but I can get them for a good price. Mrs. appreciates frugality.

@ Self: It's all about the buzz words. Thanks

@ Mike: I haven't found out yet. I'll surprise her

@ Jormen: Ouch!

@ Dana: Eventually, she's gotta crack. Fine jewelry just speeds the process

The Hawg! said...

Oh, no! You fell for the "don't buy me anything this year" trick?

You should know better. I fell for that once. Once.

If you give her any of that stuff, just remember -- you've got a friend in Arkansas and you are more than welcome to sleep on my couch (if you can move the dog out of your way) once your wife throws you out of the house.

Proceed with caution, Crotchety!

Charmaine said...

Lastly, for the record, never buy a woman pebbles to wear.

Not unless they are the rocks you KNOW we like. Helloo

dani c said...

Damned women. Old Man you should know by now that what we say isn't what we mean.
As far as the gifts go..well...ummmm..ahhhhh....?

Lauren said...

Diamonds are a girls best friend!

Da Old Man said...

@ The Hawg: I think she's warming up to me. I promised her some jewelry. It's good until it shows up, I guess.

@ Charmaine: She has diamonds and thet stuff. These are a nice change of pace for her.

@ Dani: Well, I really thought she was telling the truth.

@ Lauren: I thought I was her best friend.

G. said...

Fossilized Poop... Good God. Nah how many people are going to give Fossilized Poop on a chain; you can be unique. Last time I checked it was the Thought that counts... hopefully that didn't become outdated.

HawaiianPun said...

Well, you could always resolve to be less crotchety...although then you'd have to change your website to "Less-crotchety-than-before Old Man Yells at Cars," and that might be a big pain in the ass, so perhaps you should maintain your current level of crotchetiness for everyone's sake.

Hmm, that wasn't very helpful, was it.

Shawie said...

she'd be fine...it's just a little protest going on, lol! i think they're nice gifts:)

happy New Year!

Michelle J said...

Don't!!! Please don't!!!

Happy New Year Old man!!!

I think!!!

Keep in real in 09!!!

Kate Rawlins said...

OhMiGawd - I knew immediately what they were! So, for Valentine's Day, or any holiday between now and then - you'll be taking her on a cruise - right ? RIGHT !

And Congratulations on your latest award - I think the car is HOT !

As for New Year's resolutions - I'm giving up reality TV ! (see my blog)