The Crotchety Old Lady pointed out that I spend most of my time sitting on the couch like a
So, today was the day I decided to get off the couch, and sit outside for a while.
So, I went outside and sat and she came out and cut my hair with the electric hair cutter thing (no, not a Flowbee--do you think I'm made of money?) Then I got up to come back inside. I made it almost all the way back in the door, when suddenly, I tripped over the door frame. On the way down, I hit the cabinet, and knocked over the vase of flowers, smashed my elbow (which explained the blood all over the cabinet) and hurt my calf and knee (a lot)--hence the frozen broccoli.
The Rescue Squad?
Well, I couldn't get up. So, I was stuck in the entranceway. It was not "bring the jaws of life stuck," but the "bring some strong guys to lift his fat a** off the floor, stuck." That was a fun phone call to make. And you can only imagine the sheer joy when the Rescue Squad guys showed up, and they had to try to figure out how to do it.
I'll spare you the details, but it involved lots of math and science using fulcrums, leverage, and possibly an inclined plane. They were also treated to a view of my naughty bits that they may never forget, and I received a wedgie of epic proportions.
But don't worry, I have spent much of the day chastising the Crotchety Old Lady for causing all this mayhem. You do remember that she was the one who insisted I "Do something." This was all her fault. As soon as I leave the safety of my couch, bad stuff is bound to happen.