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Allow me to walk you through a colonoscopy in case you have yet to experience the joys of one.
No solid food for 24 hours. Not a major deal breaker, just slightly uncomfortable, but since it is necessary to drink a gallon of this pineapple tasting glop, hunger is the least of one's problems. The real problem? The need to evacuate everything ever eaten.
Remembering that crayon I ate in second grade? That came out. Cheeseburger remains from a picnic July 4th, 1995--whoosh.
Then after spending a couple bowl filling hours, comes another thrilling part
It's enema time, Crotchety
just in case there is the tiniest bit of "stuff" still in the body.Then comes the test itself. First, no need to study. The doctor put me to sleep. It was great, but then came my favorite part. When I woke up, I had uncontrolable gas. And the nurses encouraged me to let 'er rip.
After a lifetime of smothering "toots" in front of women, here were some women not only encouraging it, but congratulating me for it. Telling me it was ok, even a good thing.
And it doesn't get any better than that.
Good job, Crotchety
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34 comments:
Sounds like a great time was had by all...
I guess you can put away that can of Spam.
How apropos! As I sit here and toot myself! Note to self, gots ta stop eating bad foods if want successful dates. :)
Thanks for sharing DOM!
Loverly.
Just loverly.
*grin*
They should have score cards and competitions in the recovery room.
An assless gown could be given as a prize.
What's Shrek say, "better out than in"? :)
Well, I guess I won't be eating today...or at least within the next five minutes.
;-)
I feel your pain. No, really. I've had two so far and my doctor believes that, at my age, I should have one every five years. I should be due for another one soon. (My first colonoscopy was booked because of symptoms, not age.)
I was awake for both of mine. I was given a mild sedative, but not enough to put me to sleep. I spent the whole time watching the colon channel (my colon) on a screen that was perfectly visible to me.
Before my first colonoscopy, my GP said, "looking at the screen, you'll know if you have polyps." Why he thought that is beyond me. Everything about my colon looked foreign and malignant to me. Fortunately, I was wrong about that.
My Mom convinced me that getting my tonsils out would be great since afterwards I could eat all the ice cream I wanted. Now you're telling me I can fart in front of hot nurses all day if I just get a colonoscopy? Your generation is a wily one, my friend.
There are days when the agonies of childbirth seem so paltry in comparison....
Been there. Done that. Got the tee shirt. Another good thing -- no-chunk toots.
That was funny, but it wasn't so funny when I went through it with Bill, I felt so sorry for him and he kept apologizing for all the gas like I really cared, go figure.
Believe me, there are people who would pay good money to do that.
I just had one about a month ago. You are telling it like it is. That was the first question the nurse asked when I woke up. Are you letting the gas out? Yep, I am says I. You forgot to mention that that gas doesn't stink! Just saying.
It's a thrill a minute isn't it? Bwahahahaha. I'm not doing it again for another five years either.
Have a terrific day Crotchety. :)
@ LL: It was a party
@ Shawn: It's gone
@ Lauren: Gas can be fun. The cats look at you funny, though
@ Quirky: Glad you liked it
@ Dizz: That is a good idea.
@ Jenn: And Shrek is the one to quote about such matters.
@ Reforming: I'm here to help
@ Joel: I was out and darn glad to be.
@ Douglas: Yes, we are.
@ Crabby: So true.
@ Secondary: Oh yeah, nice and clean
@ Jude: The gas is the fun part
@ Tiggy: I know. And I did.
@ Sandee: It doesn't smell, which was bad. My toots don't smell bad to begin with, sort of flowery.
My husband is scheduled for this on Tuesday. I will forward your post to him so he can read the joys for himself. Although I am not sure I am going to let him back in the house until the gas is gone.
thank goodness you were put to sleep!
I thought it was the drugs they gave you that was the most fun. Hell, I had no idea they encouraged you to fart. Life just doesn't get any better. I'm going to get one soon. Just call me "ripper."
Oh, I had one of those a long time ago! I tooted all the way home. Thank goodness it didn't smell! Okay, you know what's worse than having this done? Doing the procedure! Can you imagine looking at everyone's hairy butts all day long?! Ick. There just isn't enough money in that for me.
Did you make the nurses pull your finger?
Hey Why you only speak about the upper, old man you don't know anything;
I have crohns so I have the "duo"
yeah, Upper and Lower - and you think that you've had it.nawww, let em make you swallow it and you're awake to watch the monitor and tell them which photos to take. Oh Yeah, I have pics.the insurance company asks to many questions about meds, and bs so I got pics to send em each time they ask for something. and yes they are red, bloody and ugly so they work.
I've had to have them (colonoscopy and endoscopy) bi yearly for about the last 30 years. after two bouts of cancer and numerous diverticulitis and gastritis attacks; I appreciate the hands of a skilled anesthesist.
Ladies - not you old man; my doctor is so fine. damn - and he comes into the gi room, in his finest designer wear, and occasionally some really nice shoes. yeah the man dresses like a fashion model. he's gorgeous.this is no joke. my doctor is so fine, when I wake up he's always there to hold my hand, so if I meet Jesus on the other end - we know it was Mr Fine who sent me.
Heaven forbid he ever does..
damn crotchety you reminded me it's time for the scoping.oh well, guess I'll make that call so when I'm in for my apendectomy they can get me fully lubed, rote my rooter; rotate the tires and make sure I'm good for another 12 months.
you know how old cars are,, and as my hubby says - I'm a classic moneypit. LOL
Oh yeah, you don't like spam about poop at all.
Thank goodness everything came out okay. Just what color was that crayon (before and after)?
What they didn't tell you is that they had to put you to sleep because the camera was a full sized television camera.
When you poo is it now wider than it is long?
WTMI!
Isn't that glop or whatever just horrible????
The publicist says my goat gas is lethal....
I'm making the Universal signal for oversharing. Toot toot!
I have to get a colonoscopy, so thanks for the heads up. My dad had colon rectal cancer and I'm over 50 now, so...
Did you get on the scale to see if you lost any weight?
My John could care less if I fart. He says he loves me farts and all! :) What a great guy!
Hey Crotchety... been there and done that too... though you DO tell it very well... I wasn't put "out" either..quite a show, isn't it? Anyway...thanks for sharing...you give me more to consider for next time.....
@ Anne: For some reason, the gas doesn't smell. It'll be ok.
@ Stacie: Nothing I wanted to see or feel.
@ Don: Rip away, my friend. It's a rare opportunity
@ Lin: Not my cup of tea, I know why those doctors make so much money.
@ Thinking: I asked, they didn't.
@ RE: They did both while I was out. I asked for copies for my Christmas card, but they wouldn't give it to me.
@ FishHawk: I live for it
@ Me-Me: Changed from red to brown
@ Mike: It wouldn't surprise me.
@ Sherry: It is so nasty.
@ Pricilla: Normally, Mrs asks me if a goat was just in the room. Mine is rather unpleasant, too.
@ Jen: Just trying to be helpful.
@ Joanie: I probably did. I don't remember. I was pretty sick. The colonoscopy was just a special treat, I guess.
@ Winky: Glad to help
Ha ha! So are you all set for the next one?
AND there is not the slightest concern about sharts.
I don't know how I managed to make that anonymous
I love happy endings!
I'm picturing rainbows and kittens and a thousand farts and the applause of a dozen nurses.
Now, of course, you have to eat another crayon to replace the one you pooped out.
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