Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Why Does the Google Hate Me?

This morning the Crocthety Old Lady mentioned that I spend more time scratching than the average human being. Now, how would she know that? So, I checked the Google, and, as usual, I could not find an answer.

Everyone uses the Google as the "Go to" source to find out everything, yet it never seems to answer my questions.

In addition to today's scratching question, a few things I've tried to find, but couldn't are:

How much water does the average person lose per day in breathing?

How tall is Gene Simmons's son?

For how many years can you put 4th grade spelling bee champ on your resume?

www.humorbloggers.com

24 comments:

Lauren said...

Protein. You're not getting enough protein if your skin is itching that much.

moooooog35 said...

Even with these questions, you can use this invaluable method:

When all else fails, x=8.

Now that I think about it...

This is probably why I didn't do well in school.

The Peach Tart said...

Maybe try drinking more water...btw Google hates me too

nipsy said...

Welcome to the Google-Hates-Me-Club.. You've already completed step one in validating your membership by not finding what you needed. The second step is easy enough: simply memorize this little ditty I wrote just for our club.

(Sang in the Jesus loves me melody)

Google hates me this I know
For my browser tells me so
Every time I search for facts
All I find is monkey ass

Yes Google hates me,
Yes Google hates me
Yes Google hates me
My browser tells me so

Anne said...

Nick Simmons (Gene Simmon's son) is 6'8". I hope this helps ease your Google pain a little.

Don said...

Great questions. I often wonder about those things too. I too have nothing to do. Like Google *rolling eyes* I don't have the answer. Have you checked out Obama's website. He thinks he knows everything.

ReformingGeek said...

Was Google plugged in when you tried to use her?

memphisdonna said...

I went to ask.com and was directed to wiki answers.
How much water do you lose from breathing a day on average?
Answer: This question has not been answered yet.
Then you're given options to either Answer, Discuss, Research or Share.

Soooo, maybe YOU could decide the answer? LOL

Quirkyloon said...

Ha! I used to wonder if I was Googling it wrong.

Everyone else gets all the answers from Google.

Not me.

Should we start a support group DOM? heh heh heh

Nooter said...

maybe youve got fleas

'i scratch therefore i am'

Sandee said...

What part of your anatomy are you scratching? When is the last time you showered?

Nipsy cracks me up. Now I have that song stuck in my head. Bwahahahaha.

Have a terrific day Crotchety. :)

DouglasDyer said...

There's not enough information to make a good query. What exactly are you scratching? Her? The eyeballs of your enemies? The fungus the mailman just can't reach? Tell the Mrs. to be more specific.

Pricilla said...

Hmmm, maybe you are part goat! We scratch a lot. That is why I miss my horns so much. The horned goats have it much easier when it comes to scratching....

kathcom said...

My husband scratches a bit. I always ask if he's got sabertooth crotch crickets. He usually just nods, since scratching seems to take some concentration.

Have you ever stumbled onto a Yahoo user answer page? I'm not sure how the contributors can turn on a computer, let alone give advice I'd believe.

Chris said...

Nick Simmons is 6'7". You're welcome.

Da Old Man said...

@ Lauren: No, that's not it

@ Moooooog: That works as well as anything else I've seen.

@ Peach Tart: Worth a try

@ Nipsy: That is the perfect ditty.

@ Anne: That did help.

@ Don: That's worth a try. Maybe he can bail me out.
*snicker*

@ Reforming: I think so

@ Memphis: I'll just make something up

@ Quirky: Or a prayer circle

@ Nooter: Good chance. I may need one of those collars

@ Sandee: Mostly the naughty bits.

@ Douglas: The UPS guy gets really offended when I ask for him to scratch me. The Mailman refuses to come to the door any more.

@ Pricilla: Could be. Mrs calls me an old goat. Or at least she says I smell like one.

@ Kathcom: Scratching does take concentration. It's not a task to be done willy nilly.

@ Chris: Thank you very much. I was figuring out how tall Gene Simmons is andthen watching for shots wherethey stood close to each other. Not very scientific.

nonamedufus said...

The older we get, the lower we scratch.

8 glasses worth, hence the need to drink 8 glasses a day.

Taller than his dad...but his tongue is shorter.

Forever.

You're welcome.

dizzblnd said...

All very good questions! What an exhausting way to spend a day.. asking questions that have no answers.


I thought of you in the grocery store tonight.. your stupid song came on while I was shopping and all I could think was THANKS A LOT JOE!

Da Old Man said...

@ Nonamed: So true

@ Dizz: So, now you have to get it unstuck.

Crabby Blogging Lady said...

Oh I hate Google, too! Aw, you should come to ME with such questions!!!

1. 350ml daily
2. 6'7.682"
3. 1.24 years after high school graduation; after that, no one cares except your mom.

Now, where's my #390 million dollars??

Janna said...

According to this site, we lose about 237 ml of water each day by exhaling. That comes out to a little over one cup. (Scroll down about halfway, to where it says "Human Water Consumption").

I swear that link doesn't go to the Chicago song again.

Heh. :)

Un[Censored] said...

According to Lauren, you aren't getting enough protein. Peanutbutter is a great source of protein but I'm not sure how you'd look covered in peanutbutter. Im sure it could be semi-interesting.

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