Thursday, July 16, 2009

I Have Access!!!

Mrs C has been girlie-ing up the blog, so I had to take matters into my own hands and eventually convince the doctors to transfer me to a rehab center with access.

Here's my first post:

I’m in rehab, and not the good kind with partied out celebs. I’m here with your phlegm-y Grandpa. But I do have access to wifi.

I managed to get out of the hospital thanks to all your good thoughts and prayers. It certainly wasn’t due to the doctors who did their best find every test they could give me before screwing up.

“Sorry about lowering your blood pressure too much and causing that stroke, Crotchety. But that was actually a good thing because it was a minor stroke and now we know you have to be careful because you are susceptible to a deadly one.”

Yeah that was the quote, except for the apology.

I got hit with enough gamma rays (Noocular Medicine they call it) that I have the Hulk’s greenish hue, but not his strength.

I have catheters hanging out of me and more needle tracks than the average junkie.

And I’ve developed a taste for green jell-o and graham crackers.

I’ll try to be back tomorrow with some surprising news.



http://www.humorbloggers.com

36 comments:

Jenn Thorson said...

Woo-hoo, Crotchety's got access and bestest of all is out of the hospital! Three cheers for our Joe!!

Jello and graham crackers for everyone!

Lady Sarcasm said...

Hip hip hooray for wifi and being outta the hospital!! :D

FishHawk said...

YAHOO!!! Now that you're back in the thick of things, you can keep up with how well my Cowboys are doing without sweet little Jessica messing things up. If that doesn't lift your blood pressure, I don't know what will (except porn, of course).

Tiggy said...

Here's hoping you get to the 'good kind' of rehab soon!

Quirkyloon said...

Yay! Needle, catheters, and all!

We'll take you anyway we can get you.

Yipppeee! Yay!!! It's the DOMSTER!!!

Grace said...

The dr's caused your stroke? Can you say - lawyer?

Anyway, so glad you're out of the hospital and on the mend.

Swirl Girl said...

I am so glad to hear they let you out!

Marie said...

Hospitals suck. Doctors suck. Nurses are ok (being one myself). Healthcare sucks. I did a post on this. Mediocrity, or worse, is tolerated through every level of medicine.

WTF?!

These are our loved ones. These are us. But we are too polite to insist someone wash their hands before they touch us and give us staph or MRSA or God knows what. We are the most polite corpses in the universe. Sigh.

Keep moving Joe, don't get pressure sores. But on the other hand, don't over do it as you feel better.

I'll tell you, you have some incredible group of followers!!! What an incredible bunch. They have some pull with the cosmos. :) I am so glad. No one deserves it more. :)

Deb said...

Hell Joe, we don't want any surprising news. Stick with the dull and boring stuff, OK?

Glad to see your fingers still work...though give them time and those doctors will screw them up too.

Nice to see ya back! (Not your physical back, you know how revealing those johnnies can be.)

nonamedufus said...

Gosh, Joe, that's excellent news. Your drive to get back on the blog-horse demonstrates your determination to deal with this thing. Good for you...and good for us! Visit me. I just dedicated a post to you today! Best wishes to you and Mrs C. Stay outta trouble.

renalfailure said...

All right, I'm off the hook for your kidney failure then. Very good sir.

ReformingGeek said...

Yeah,um....what they said! It sounds like things are FINALLY headed in a positive direction.

Glad you can find the funny.

Winky Twinky said...

Soooo good hearing from you DOM!! Hang in there, sounds like you're on the mend... woot woot for wifi!

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

I love graham crackers, but that green jello and greenish hue would not be my favorite things. I really admire your ability to maintain a sense of humor through all this.

Melanie said...

I was thinking, "wonderful, he's on the mend" and then I read the part about developing a fondness for greeen jello and graham crackers and now I have to be deeply concerned about your mental health!

Seriously, glad to hear you're on the mend. :)

LL said...

Green jello and graham crackers? Holy crap! You've turned mormon!

Marsha said...

>> I’ll try to be back tomorrow with some surprising news.

Well if that's not an effing cliff hanger, I don't know what is.

We wait with bated breath.

Glad you're back on the internets. :)

Oh, and you better watch out; Mrs. C is VERY funny.

Don said...

Great Joe!!! If you can't be home soon then at least you can talk to somebody besides dufus docs via interwebz.
Sounds like you may be getting ready to get the foot back to the couch though. Or at least what's left of it.
Hope you get the hell out of there like NOW!

thinkinfyou said...

YAH! Glad you got sprung outta that place. Just think of rehab as one step closer to the couch!!

Lola said...

Wow! Wi-fi AND green jello. They're going to spoil you!

Sherry at EX Marks the Spot said...

So glad you're doing better.
I totally believe in the power of prayer, and you had plenty of those. But I also believe that a good sense of humor and laughter go a LONG way in the healing and mending process.

longrooffan said...

Glad to see you're back and in, relatively, one piece. Hang in there and continue to stay positive.

Joel Klebanoff said...

I was about to say "it's good to have you back." That's a lie. It's GREAT to have you back. Give 'em hell, keep us amused and, above all, get better soon.

Mike said...

When they put the catheter in, did you make any new girlfriends?

A Valdese Blogger said...

Glad you're still hanging around!

Phillipia said...

Damn, DOM, Mrs C was doing an awesome job...will you at least let her guest blog at times?

Seriously - it is great to have you back. Start taking better care of yourself, ok?

PhilipDyer said...

Congratulations, DOM! I hope you're taking advantage of the unlimited sponge baths policy.

lot 2 learn said...

Glad to hear from you. Maybe Mrs. C can sneak in a few bags from White Castle.
Glad you are doing better : )

D.S. said...

I hope you get better soon, we wish you the best.

ettarose said...

I am soooo glad you seem to be on the mend. You have so many people who obviously love you. We should all be so lucky. You are an inspiration my dear and if I were you I would lighten up on the Mrs and all that shoveling snow. Ha ha! Hope you covered your ass with both hands!

MA Fat Woman said...

One word--Great to have you out of that place!

Stacie's Madness said...

{{hugs}}

Pricilla said...

I am so very happy to hear you are back.

I am so very pissed at your doctors.

Abby is available although this situation might need the big guns; Michael! Big horns, big smell. Yes! That's the ticket.

You don't know how thrilled I was to see your post. My rotten, miserable day turned on a dime.

Janna said...

Yay!
You're back to posting again!
I'm so excited!

Too bad they don't make animated smiley figures with catheters coming out of them; those would be perfect for this.

Enjoy the wi-fi.
I'm still here on dial up.
I'll try not to be jealous. :)
.

surveygirl46 said...

I'm glad Nurse Ratchet didn't lobotomize you....(oh wait...she di...never mind) welcome back!

kathcom said...

I'm not surprised there was no apology from the doctors. They learn to stop saying that for fear of litigation.

Instead they'll blow sunshine up your a** about how they did you a favor inducing a mild stroke. Good one.