Much ado about a 'do

It was pointed out recently that Sarah Palin's hair may be a bit out of style.



I was looking at Michelle Obama's, and decided well, her's isn't exactly cutting edge either.



So, Mr. Rubba, official umbrella hat designer of the blogosphere, has decided to branch out. He has put together a few suggestions to freshen up the hair styles of each of them.

Stylin', yet patriotic

Fashionable, and shows support for the military

What do you think about this very important issue?

They never have a bad hair day at :
www.humorbloggers.com

Zucchini Award Time

The votes are in. It was the biggest contest yet with close to 40 entries. The judges at Crotchety Old Man World Wide Headquarters and Discount House of Worship were amazed at both the quality of the entries, and the level of perversion of most of the commentors.

But this week, we had a runaway favorite.

However, before I announce the winner, I want to point out that first place votes were earned by the Fly, The Hawg, Bradley, Rubba (he never votes for himself, BTW, even though he thinks he should win every week) Midwest Mom, and Dave. Multiple points were earned by Ettarose, Brazen, Humor Blogger, Bill, and Sensei.

And the winner is

Middle Aged Fat Woman

The city of San Francisco's unofficial holiday mascot was unveiled and given a test drive today in the city park.




A very close second was the Hawg, and third place, again, very close, was Bradley.

I'll be passing out entrecard credits and zucchini for all the winners.

Congratulations to everyone, and thank you for entering.


Don't forget about my humor blogging buddy, ettarose, who has suffered tremendously as she lost all her feeds. She's like the Bo Peep of the blogging world. If you could find it in your heart to sign up for her blog by clicking below, you'll bring a smile to a fine young lady's face. And here I do my best Sally Struthers: Consider it your good deed of the day. And it is completely tax deductible. (ed. note: Do not take tax advice from an internet moron like Crochety. A feed has no value other than the self esteem raising value to the blogger. So, in a way, you are saving a life. That's a lot of really good karma.)

They always sign up for feeds at:
http://www.humorbloggers.com

Emergency Services

So, I'm watching Ferguson last week.
I'm half asleep, when suddenly BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR only louder. And longer.



It almost knocked me off the couch. It was that stupid emergency broadcast alert. You know, the one "If this had been an actual emergency, you would have been told...blah, blah, blah.

Ok, what is the purpose of this friggin thing?

I live pretty close to Ground Zero in NYC. It's probably about 40 miles by car, and maybe half that by air.

September 11, 2001, I had friggin military helicopters flying over my house, that's how close I am. TV stations were knocked off the air, roads were closed, and railroads etc stopped running. And the stupid friggin emergency alert system didn't kick in. The Pentagon was attacked, planes were crashing everywhere, and my friends and neighbors were being killed.

I can assure you wholeheartedly, if that alarm ever does go off, I'm just going to sit in the corner and mess myself.



One of my humor blogging buddies, ettarose, has suffered tremendously as she lost all her feeds. She's like the Bo Peep of the blogging world. If you could find it in your heart to sign up for her blog by clicking below, you'll bring a smile to a fine young lady's face. A feed is a terrible thing to waste. Consider it your good deed of the day. And it is completely tax deductible. (ed. note: Do not take tax advice from an internet moron like Crochety. A feed has no value other than the self esteem raising value to the blogger. So, in a way, you are saving a life. That's a lot of really good karma.)

They always sign up for feeds at:
http://www.humorbloggers.com

Caption This; Offensive Art: Win Prizes

Paul McCarthy, artist

Disclaimer: Prizes are usually large blocks (500 or more) of Entrecard credits. (estimated value 10,000,000 Zimbabwe dollars.) No cash given in lieu of prize. Prize varies based upon my mood, and how many credits I have available. Winner's blog will be given featured spot on my blog. Decision of judges is final. Have your vote in by early Thursday. Just a hint, the earliest captions usually do best.

They Appreciate the Most Offensive Art at:
http://www.humorbloggers.com/

Daddy's Little Girl

I'm kind of extra crotchety today. I'm really anti-technolgy right now. Especially cell phones.

First, the phones are so darned delicate. Did you know if you drop one into a bucket of urine, it won't work any more? Don't test this yourself, just trust your old broken cell phone friend, Crotchety.

I talk to my daughter every day on the telephone. Some days as many as 10 times. You may think that means I spend hours talking to my progeny. I probably average about 8 minutes or less, in total.

Here's a typical day's conversations.
Spawn: What is the name of the restaurant in Rahway where you used to like to go, but I wouldn't because I hate Mexican food.
Me: Beana's.
Spawn: OK, thanks. Bye.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Spawn: Who was the baseball player whose kids I hung out with?
Me: Alvaro Espinoza
Spawn: Ok, thanks. Bye.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Spawn: There's a Trader Joe's about 10 minutes from my house.
Me: You said you don't like Trader Joe's.
Spawn: I don't. I just thought you'd like to know. Bye.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Those were pretty typical, except for the calls when she asks for directions, or to borrow 50 dollars.

I'm exaggerating. Usually it's 200 dollars, and for any Dad with a daughter, you know how "loans" work out.



I finally figured it out, though. My spawn sees me as a combination Bank/ATM/Google.com/personal biographer.

But she did assure me that if she is ever on Cash Cab, I'd be her Shout Out, so that's a good thing, I guess.



Her phone habits seem most typical of people of her generation. To be honest, I've started to notice it in mine also. Mrs. Crotchety will get phone calls constantly throughout the day. It seems her friends, like my daughter, phone whenever a thought pops into their heads.

I have no idea what's up with that.

By the way, does anyone know where I can get a waterproof cell phone?

The cell phones are always working at:
http://www.humorbloggers.com/

Men and Women Are Different. Seriously.

One of my buddies (rubba) told me his grandson is really into model trains. The little guy just turned 3, so you know he's curious, and into everything.

He was playing with his trains with grandpa, and rubba warned him to not touch the track.

So, he licked the track. Naturally, he got a shock. I hear this, and got the same reaction rubba had~~hysterical laughter.

When Mrs. Crotchety heard, she became upset.

And this describes how we view nearly everything. Shows like America's Home Videos, ( Country Fried Home Videos for my Arkie friends,) where at least once per show, someone gets either a whack in the naughty bits or there is some other potentially injurous event. I'm rolling, and the Mrs. worries. "Look at that poor man," she'll say. Of course, I can barely hear her because I'm laughing so loudly.

And it's the same with sitcoms and all the cartoons I watch. She focuses on the injuries (trust me, Peter Griffin and Spongebob are fine) and misses the hilarity of injuries, real or fake.

It's not that she can't suspend belief. She's a huge Tarantino fan, and the bloodier the movie, the more she likes it. Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, any one of them, she'll watch and barely a flinch.

But have a guy stick a screwdriver in a socket, and she gets upset.

They Always get hit in the Naughty Bits at

www.humorbloggers.com

My Sparkling Personality Will Live On

You may have heard the old country and western song, "I'm just an old lump of coal, but I'm going to be a diamond one day."

All C&W songs are prety much the same; drinking, horses, trucks, cheating spouses. You know, real downer stuff. This one is a little bit different. It's pretty much a song of hope.

Did you know that a few companies exist that can turn you into a diamond? This technology has been around for a while, and Lifegem in Chicago can turn you, or your pet, into a diamond, and then set it in jewelry after you pass on.



I dunno, I find this just a bit creepy. I miss my dog Butkus like crazy, but I don't know if I'd want him on my finger. And forget family members. That is even more strange. I mean, I like Mrs. Crotchety a lot, but if something happended to her, I'm not turning her into a tennis bracelet.

But I'm pretty sure, she'll do that to me, and I don't know how I'll feel about it. She's already asked me if I want to be cremated or buried, and I've always said, "Surprise me."

I don't think I'd mind if she turned me into a ring, and she wore me, but what if she needed some quick cash after a bad run at poker? I could wind up in a pawn shop, and next thing you know, I'm on the finger of some drunken tranvestite pole dancer in Atlantic City.




www.thedenverchannel.com/family/7091198/detail.html

The Best Pole Dancers are at

www.humorbloggers.com/

Time for Some Politics

I try to remain apolitical. Sure, I do rant from time to time about issues, but as far as choices, I don't push an agenda for a few reasons.

I've been involved in politics for many years, and I have learned that most folks have their minds made up long before any issues are even discussed.

Yesterday, on the heels of the Democratic National Convention, Republican candidate John McCain announced his running mate, Sarah Palin, Governor of Alaska. Naturally, the blogosphere is exploding with opinions of this choice.

I enjoy reading opinions, even if I don't agree with them.

But damn, nothing drives me more crazy than really stupid opinions.

I know opinions are like .

Everyone has one, and most of them stink.

Anyway, the discussion was about the choice by McCain. And here's the way it went. I swear I'm not making this up.

Them: "I disagree with the choice."

Me: "Why."

Them: "I don't know who she is."

Me: "She is very popular in her state."

Them: "She can't be that popular because I never heard of her."

OK, quickly. How many state governors can you name?

That's right, all but the most politically astute can name maybe 2 or 3 state governors. Yet, her not being well known means what? The middle of a donut.

Then, here's where it gets good, women started indicating she can't be pro family values and hold a job.

How friggin' 1950's.

My mother raised 2 kids while running a business with my father. (how well we turned out is still up for debate, though my sister and I have both managed to stay felony free, have college degrees, and raised families of our own. I'd say mission accomplished.)

My sister is raising a kid while working full-time. Hell, most women with families that I know work full time. That family values argument is so much BS.

Lastly, one woman (I swear these are women living in 2008) was concerned about Ms. Palin's child who has Down's. Talk about intrusive.

Have women become such lemmings that they don't think they are capable of deciding what is best for one's own family? Can't they recognize a strong woman? Can't they have faith in a person to know what is best?

I'm not a huge McCain fan, and I really dislike Obama. But damn, I think I don't think I ever admired a public person more than:

Hubba Hubba

If she plays her cards right, she could become the official crush of this blog, replacing Martha Stewart.


They Vote Early and Vote Often at

http://www.humorbloggers.com/

And the Winner Is

Wow! Over 30 captions. Youse are making it difficult on the judges. You can't imagine how much Diet Dr. Pepper was spit up while they read some of them. The concensus is that most of the participants are hysterically funny, and a few are in need of serious help such as rubba.

Again, the judges spread around the first place votes as Lauren, Middle Aged Fat Woman, Dani, Don, The Hawg, and Rubba each got one 1st place vote. Multiple points were also amassed by Etta, Kate, Jena, and the Offended Blogger.

Bu the winner, and the one with the most first place votes, and total points was

"When a Fruit of the Loom goes bad"

by Chat Blanc.

She wins this lovely award, and some entrecard credits, now that my account is working again.



Second place goes to Dani, and 3rd place is a tie between the Hawg and The Middle Aged Fat Woman.

Also, special props to Bill. Some of the judges felt he really classed up the contest by working in the word "thus."

Congrats to the winners.

Also, Susan at http://soul-to-soul.com/
A very talented artist
and
Mike at http://livelife365.blogspot.com/
each awarded the




In a blatant act of little more than nepotism, I am passing this along to Nicole at
http://celeb-obsessed.blogspot.com/

She is the Fruit of my Looms, and her blog is chock full of celebrity gossip.

They appear in the pictures that get captioned at:
http://www.humorbloggers.com/

Saved at the Bell

I had nothing tonight. So, because I read so many blogs, I've made a bunch of blogging buddies. One of these is Christina (Harley Blues) from http://www.harleyblues2007.blogspot.com/
She is a huge Beatles fan. That doesn't even begin to describe her. She is such an uber fan she has been interviewed by Rolling Stone concerning one of her trips in which she saw Sir Paul McCartney.

I wanted to let everyone know about her great blogs. I enjoy reading them, as she mixes some opinion pieces in with her Beatles stories. When you go to check it out, scroll down the left hand side to read about her interview from 2005.

Harley got me thinking about the Beatles. I remember when they first came to America and appeared on the Ed Sullivan Show.

Newsday.com

For youse younguns, Ed Sullivan was the equivalent of... nothing today is like Ed Sullivan was. Think Geraldo, combined with Letterman, and Leno, and maybe you have the impact of Sullivan. He owned Sunday night. Everyone watched Ed.

Anyway, the Beatles landed in New York, and Beatlemania swept the USA.

I never saw the Beatles in person, but I did see the tribute to them (Beatlemania) on Broadway. It might have been at the at the Wintergarden Theater. It was back in the 80's so I don't remember the theater, just that it was blistering hot inside, and I fell asleep.

But what I remembered was pretty good. It was an attempt to relive the years gone by, as they had a screen in the background flashing some of the important events that took place during the time the Beatles took over the music world. And, the artists performing were excellent.

I'm not going to tell you all the stats, how many records sold, how many gold records, etc. I'll leave that up to an expert like Harley. But I will tell you, Rocky Raccoon (from the White Album) would be on my list of records I'd need with me if I were ever marooned on a desert island.
Rock on!



They all live in a yellow submarine at
www.humorbloggers.com

Caption This; All this fun, and prizes, too.

Contest ends noon Thursday EST.

The Funniest Captions Come from

http://www.humorbloggers.com

Crotchety 1 Telemarketers 0

I bought a timeshare in the last few months, which means every day I get a phone call asking if I’d like to sell it or buy more. And I can tell it’s the timeshare people because I have caller ID, and it’s always from a company like SwamplandinFlorida4U or EarfquakefreeCaliforniadeals. By the way, my timeshare is in NJ. Yeah, whenever I want to get away from the mundane in NJ, I just head to my timeshare unit in another part of NJ.

Don’t ask.

My beach house

The calls themselves are pretty funny. Nearly every one goes the same way.

“Hello, is this Mr. Frances?”

“Yes.”

“Hello, Mr. Frances, would you like to sell your timeshare if I could guarantee you a nice profit?”

“No, I wouldn’t.”

“But I can guarantee you a good profit.”

“I’m not interested.“

“Would you like to buy more time, then?”

And this is the conversation that takes place every day except Sunday. Most days, it happens twice.

Now, most people would not find this conversation all that funny. I do. Reason number one, I suppose is because no one here is named Mr. or Mrs. Frances. Mrs. Crotchety’s first name is Frances, and apparently every single timeshare company employee can not read a name off a deed. I find it hilarious that among the dozens of different callers, not one has gotten our name order correct.

Until today.

Phone rings, and I didn’t answer it, as I was napping (old people nap a lot.) A minute later, phone rings again. This time I picked it up because well, my nap was already interrupted.

“Hello, is Joseph there?” Already, I realized that I may be facing the smartest telemarketer ever. I was on full alert.

“Yes, it’s me. What do you want?” I asked craftily.

“I’m returning your call.” Hmm. A new tact. I’m impressed.

“I never called you,” I countered, weakly.

“Sure, I called and left you a message, and you are returning my call.” Wow, this one is good. I clutch my checkbook more tightly. A slight sweat formed on my brow.

Quick check, and I realized she didn’t leave a message, and and she had almost convinced me that I just called her . Diabolical. She is trying to take advantage of my addled brain. But I was at the top of my game.

“No, I didn’t.” My quick wit was really kicking in, obviously.

“No, you called me,” Sally asserted. Sally was the smartest and most devious telemarketer ever. I was so impressed.

Finally, I reached down deep, and came up with the ultimate reply.

“No, I didn’t call you.”

She was beaten. I could hear the unhappiness in her voice when she realized she had tangled with the world’s greatest destroyer of telemarketers.


In a voice with just a tinge of meekness, she whispered, “Would you like to sell your timeshare if I could guarantee you a good price?”





http://www.humorbloggers.com

Important update

Today's post is down one spot. But, I was challenged by the Offended Blogger to write an offensive post using only smilies. You can see it here:

http://www.offendedblogger.com/2008/08/my-1st-guest-offender-offensive.html



My blog is rated PG, at worst. So, she posted it on her's. I can assure you it is highly offensive, and probably shouldn't be read by anyone. But, it is funny since it is all smilies.



http://www.humorbloggers.com/

Back to School

Ok, I was just thinking about school. It's that time of year. I spent my first nine years in Catholic grammar school, which explains my fear of penguins.

Sister Mashed Potatoes

From there I went to a high school run by the Brothers of the Good Death, St. Rocko's High School.

I was thinking back to my first day. We got a tour of the school. I'll give you the tour I pretty much got. Over there is the main building. You won't be there. You'll be in the Annex, aptly named because well, it was some WWII era building, and they had to name it something. Unless, of course, you have a class in the barn. Named so because, well, you can figure that one out. (Ed. Note No, this wasn't in some rural region in Kansas, this was in Central New Jersey in the mid to late 20th Century. Go figure.)

There you have your soccer fields, the cemetery, the track, the.....wait a minute, did he just say cemetery? Yeah, my high school had its own cemetery. Right on the friggin campus. Just for the school. So, when one of the Battling Brothers met his ultimate reward, he became a permanent part of the campus. Even a few of the lay teachers were planted there, too. St. Rocko's was like the Mafia of high schools, you could never leave.

Did I mention that corporal punishment was not only allowed; it was almost expected and encouraged at St. Rocko's, right? We had a Dean of Discipline, and an Assistant Dean of Discipline, just in case the Dean was feeling good. There was an entire hierarchy of Disciplinarians, in fact.

One of the older teachers, Brother Artifact, I believe, used to roam the school with something called the Whumper. No one was sure exactly what it was, speculation ranged from a blackjack to a bag of nickels, to a shilelagh. We never found out, but nearly every student at one time or another felt the effects of the Whumper on our legs, or backs, or arms.

Brother Knuckles routinely used to offer to box students 2 at a time to even up the odds. No one dared accept his challenges, either. Occasionally, he would work over a random senior to stay in shape.

And detention. Punks today have it easy. We worked in the fields or the gardens, anywhere the Brothers decided landscaping or crop rotation was needed.

Yeah, I miss those days.

Disclaimer: Every word is more or less true, but the names have been changed to protect the author. He still lives within an all too short driving distance of St Rocko's.

They aren't afraid to go back to school at:

http://www.humorbloggers.com

Update: Still waiting on entrecard techs to figure out why I can't sign in.

Feeling Squirrelly

A few days ago, my http://www.humorbloggers.com/ buddy, Jenn, warned everyone about the terrifying black behometh panther squirrels of Toronto.

http://cabbages-n-kings.blogspot.com/2008/08/fanged-behemoth-panthers-of-toronto.html

I was duly afraid, but the Crotchety Old Lady and I have been dealing with vicious NJ squirrels for quite a few years. I’ll get back to her battles with NJ’s version of Sciurus carolinensis (yeah, I looked it up) in a while, but in the meantime, my friend Freddy from http://www.nedthetoothpick.com/ has a squirrel living in his back yard named Zippy.

New Jersey squirrels may not appear as vicious as their Canadian cousins, but they are tough. Lotsa tough. Here is a rare photo of one of the dreaded “Hoodlum Squirrels of NJ.”



These squirrels have alleged ties to organized crime, and are skilled in the use of weapons.

Seriously.

The Crotchety Old Lady has complained more than once that these criminal rodents toss their nuts in her direction.

No, stop that

These

Squirrel WMD --Weapon of Minor Destruction

My greatest fear, obviously, is if these Toronto squirrels ever cross paths with NJ ones. Will it be a scene out of the Godfather, as the NJ squirrel strangles a Toronto one and then hides the body in the Meadowlands, or more a dance off ala West Side Story?

What really strikes fear in our collective hearts would be if the Toronto squirrels make a love connection with the NJ ones. Imagine the kids:




We keep our nuts at:

http://www.humorbloggers.com/

Marcia, Marcia, Marcia

The Brady Bunch went off the air in 1974, that's 34 years ago.

Yet, it seems, every where I look on TV the last few months, and all I see are those darn Brady kids all over the place.

Last night it was little Cindy (never would have picked her to turn out so good looking) on some Comedy Central show getting shot with an air gun. Last season, it was Peter on some stupid reality show. Greg, when he isn't doing something stupid like boxing Danny Bonaduce, just makes guest appearances.

But Marcia has become a reality show star. Is someone a star if they only appear on CMT?

I'll give her the benefit of the doubt.

Last year, she was in Gone Country. It was a show where she, along with several other celebrities, attempted to break into the country music business. Big time country star Rich (John, Bob, Richie--who knows) presented a number of challenges, and eventually one of the celebrities received an opportunity to try to become a country star. Maureen lost. Rather than go away, she is back this season with a new show, Outsider's Inn. The hokey premise is she runs a bed and breakfast in the Blue Ridge Mountains. Or is it the Smokey Mountains? Does it matter?



Yeah, that's her and her helpers, Bobby Brown and Carnie Wilson.

The producers admit that some of the show is done for effect, so, what's the point? I have no idea. It's a partially scripted reality show.

Exactly

But I'm in a goofy mood. Ok, more than usual.

Check out this quick video of the World's Strongest Redneck.



Rednecks aren't like the rest of us.

www.humorbloggers.com

Contest winner; Weekly wrap up

The judges had more trouble with this contest than any to date. Quotes like "This is so tough."

Believe it or not, no two judges picked the same first place caption. The Fly, Scam, Dana, Matt, Rubba, Shadow, Jenn, Gumby, and Scott each received first place votes. So, once again, I had to use the CWVTMORNGAWBSMECWS (TM) system. And the staff of Crochety Old Man World Wide Interplanetary Headquarters and Discount House of Worship has spoken. Well, voted anyway.

Even though they didn't place, or receive any first place votes, multiple points were received by Brazen, Tiggy, Orion, Chica, and LiveLife. So many others received single votes, and I'm too lazy to type them all.

And the winner, due to a combination of a first place vote and numerous place votes is

Unable to come to terms with her jealousy of her prettier and more popular older sister Marcia, Jan Brady's already unhappy life took a turn for the worse.

By Gumby the Cat

He is the winner of the pretigious Zucchini Award, and will have his blog displayed in a position of honor.



Second place goes to Dana, and The Fly takes a very close third. Jenn was just out of the running placing 4th.

Congratulations to all.

Faithful readers will note that since I decided to not blog every day, I have, of course, blogged every day. I'm not sure if that means I lack committment, or am too committed, or should be committed. Any way you look at it, I have committment issues.

I'm waiting to get follow up from entrecard. Someone named Ben sent me a note many hours ago, saying he would look into it. Who knows when anything will get resolved.

Damn techno geeks



Find the FunnyAt:
http://www.humorbloggers.com/

What's the Next Step?

Yeah, I know. I said I wasn't going to blog on Thursdays. Oh well. Stuff happens.
By the way, the contest is almost over, and some of the judges are having major problems. It seems they have laughed their asses off, and that is creating quite the dilemma for them.

But they are tough, that is why they are judges here.

Anyway, today, I have had technological problems. And I am pissed. Usually, I am so darned mellow. (snickers)
Don't tell the Crotchety Old Lady but a few years ago, when my computer had "technological problems," and the front panel fell "mysteriously" off it, well, let's just say computers are sissies. They can't take a punch.



No, I didn't use a stick or anything, I gave it a good left jab. The front panel sorta smashed in, and the stoopid computer went flying.

I taught technology a lesson that day. And within a week, or so, that computer was totally trashed, and recycled into something like plastic hangers or another equally perfect use for recycled technology.

Score:

Caveman 1
Technolgy 0

Captain caveman

So, this morning, as always, I went to sign in to my entrecard account. And, it won't let me.

Naturally I did what any calm, rational person would do. I yelled at the computer for a while. That didn't help. Then I went about my business away from the computer.



I came back, and it still didn't work.

I reset my password, sent a note to the dorks at entrecard, and took a nap.

Woke up to no reply from them. So, again, I tried to reset password, and still got the message password is incorrect. What to do, what to do?

I had a peanut butter and tomato sandwich (don't knock it until you try it. It is my contribution to the gastronomic universe. Yer welcome.) I tried again, and still nothing.

Now, this is where I start to get, oh, peeved.

Apparently, I can get my question answered quickly if I ask on the forum for questions. I can get help, too. How do I access the forum?

That's right. I have to sign in. To. The. Account. That. Won't. Let. Me. In.




I hate technology.


http://www.humorbloggers.com/

Caption This Win Craptastic Prizes

Contest ends 6:00 p.m. Thursday EST

They Are Too Cool For back to School at:

http://www.humorbloggers.com/

You May have Noticed

I haven't posted today. I usually post every day around midnight. I'm trying something new. I call it "The Grand Experiment" because I'm occasionally given to hyperbole.

Really, all it is, I have decided to post on a different schedule. Mondays, Wednesdays, because my "Caption This" has become the talk of the internet, (ed note: The doctor is well aware that Joe is delusional. We find it best to play along) Fridays and Saturdays. I'll be blogging every day on either my Yankees/sports blog, my diabetic blog/my food blog, but I wanted to try to make each a little more interactive.

Don't expect any change in quality. Oh no.

Do you think I'll be any better because I write less?

No, it's going to be as poorly done as ever.

But, by me shutting up a couple days a week, you get a chance to react to my posts. Leave comments without them getting buried under the veritable onslaught of my daily posts.

Speaking of buried, don't for a second think that I have run out of material. Oh, no way, Jose. Or Bob, or {insert your name here} I have not even scratched the surface of the crap in my head. I went to a high school that had its own cemetery. That's something not every 8th grader gets on a tour of the average high school.

I applied for a job, and the job interview ended when I asked, "You're not talking about sailors, are you?" That's an interesting story, I kid you not.

I plan to reveal even more of the phony names I have used in my life. Joey One Testicle is just one of many. I will even reveal Joey One Testicle's real name. Some of you who paid attention may remember One Testicle is just the translation for the phony dirty name I use.

Plenty of hi-jinks and unfunny humor ahead. And that's a promise. I can guarantee it.

http://www.humorbloggers.com