Sunday, August 31, 2008

My Sparkling Personality Will Live On

You may have heard the old country and western song, "I'm just an old lump of coal, but I'm going to be a diamond one day."

All C&W songs are prety much the same; drinking, horses, trucks, cheating spouses. You know, real downer stuff. This one is a little bit different. It's pretty much a song of hope.

Did you know that a few companies exist that can turn you into a diamond? This technology has been around for a while, and Lifegem in Chicago can turn you, or your pet, into a diamond, and then set it in jewelry after you pass on.

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I dunno, I find this just a bit creepy. I miss my dog Butkus like crazy, but I don't know if I'd want him on my finger. And forget family members. That is even more strange. I mean, I like Mrs. Crotchety a lot, but if something happended to her, I'm not turning her into a tennis bracelet.

But I'm pretty sure, she'll do that to me, and I don't know how I'll feel about it. She's already asked me if I want to be cremated or buried, and I've always said, "Surprise me."

I don't think I'd mind if she turned me into a ring, and she wore me, but what if she needed some quick cash after a bad run at poker? I could wind up in a pawn shop, and next thing you know, I'm on the finger of some drunken tranvestite pole dancer in Atlantic City.

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www.thedenverchannel.com/family/7091198/detail.html

The Best Pole Dancers are at

www.humorbloggers.com/

22 comments:

Chica said...

Yikes! who in their right mind? I can just imagine the conversations to follow..

"Is that silver or white gold?

"It's my grandmother."

"Um.."

See just plain weird.

Da Old Man said...

@ Chica: exactly

The Natural State Hawg said...

That is pretty terrible. I might, however, consider doing something like that when my beloved rat terrier, Cobb, passes on.

Mostly because it would irritate my wife...

Jay said...

Oh yeah, the Lifegem people... Yellow Swordfish did a blog on that some time ago. I'm torn. In one way it would be nice to have such a permanent and beautiful memento of a loved one, on the other, it's just ... it's just ... well, it's just plain tacky, is what it is.

And imagine losing it!! I'm bad enough when I lose a favourite biro!

I could just about imagine having a beloved dog made into a diamond, but losing said dog-diamond would be grim.

Thomas said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Howard Bannister said...

On the other hand, I'm looking at my enemies list (I keep one of those, much like Nixon did...only difference is my list doesn't have Carol Channing on it), and I'm thinking. If I killed all of those people, I could have them made into diamonds and then pawn them for MONEY!

Or, better yet, I could make my enemies into an amulet. It would have magical powers, and I would be invincible.

FishHawk said...

You listen unto Country & Western music, and hang out with a bunch of Arkies a lot more than you let on... Is there something that you might need to tell the lovely Ms. Crotchety???

Bill said...

Funny, funny post! "Surprise Me" slayed me LOL! Personally, I'd rather be aded to the compost heap. People say I'm full of it anyway.

Chat Blanc said...

well, I'd rather be a diamond than be stuffed. oh wait, those are my cat's wishes not mine. my bad. ;)

Kirsten said...

I think I'm the only one that is intrigued by this one. It seems a lot better than putting them in the ground so they can rot and have bugs eat them.

Da Old Man said...

@ The Hawg: I don't know. People already question my sanity. How would I explain my ring is really my dog?

@ jay: they have been doing this for a while. It was in the news recently because some Swiss company has started doing it also. But I believe in buying American especially for all my after death needs.

@ Howard: Imagine the power you would yield. It would truly be Nixonesque. (note to self~~stay on Howard's good side.)

@ Fishhawk: She knows I used to spend summer on farms in NJ. I actually like some older twangy country stuff, and the outlaws are similar to R&R. The new songs just annoy me.

@ Bill: I'm probably about 47% natural fertilizer, also.

@ Chat: Don't get those 2 confused.

Don said...

It's kind of cool but creepy. Every time I wiped my butt I'd have to be concerned about smothering a loved one or just to use my left hand and keep my right one behind me.

tahtimbo said...

You took the words right out of my mouth...Creepy! I would just prefer that they haunt me. OK, here's something to think on: You get your loved one turned into a diamond, then use that ring to propose to your future hubby. How's that for strange. Although, if I just thought about it, it has probably already been done.

Da Old Man said...

@ Kirsten: If Mrs. Crotchety has me turned into jewlry, I'll have her put me to you in her will.

@ Don: And what if I lose it? Can you imagine? I'll be wandewring around looking for my lost Grandma.
Oh, poor Cotchety, when did she die?
1964.
They'll put me right in a straight jacket.

@ Tahtimbo: I'm sure it has, but that's creepiness squared.

Bradley said...

I'm just picturing the looks Mrs Crotchety would get at parties when she holds out her ring and says "I'd like you to meet my husband."

TheFLy said...

Thats like getting a taxodermist and having your dead relatives hang out with you in your living room forever. Kinda creepy. But if something was gonna be amputated from my body, I would look into getting that part of my body made into a diamond and wearing it around my neck forever until I turn into fossil fuel.

Da Old Man said...

@ Bradley: Can't be much worse than the looks she gets when she introduces me now.

@ The Fly: When you get things amputated, they won't give you the parts back. I asked.

Lauren said...

That's too funny...poker game and your lost to someone else. HAHA! My friend runs blog.inrepose.com and has blogged about this topic. you should check her out.

Da Old Man said...

@ lauren: Yeah, not how I'd want to spend eternity.

Lucy from Hoeno said...

Wow. Are there any sexier string of words in the English language than ''drunken transvestite pole dancer''? Probably. lol.

Da Old Man said...

@ lucy: Yeah, it is pretty poetic at that.

Blogger said...

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