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I spend about 16 hours a day on the computer, and another 16 watching TV, and probably a solid 10 hours thinking of stupid things to write about..
How, you may ask, do I manage to fit all this into just one day?
Through the magic of multi-tasking.
Oh yeah. I’m the king of multi-taskers. Through judicious use of the remote, I’m able to watch Baywatch, “The History of Cereal,” Yankee baseball, and Olympic Women’s Beach Volleyball all at the same time, while chatting with my friends online.
And by the way, Women’s Olympic Beach Volleyball is possibly the greatest multi-tasking sport.
I can be a sports fan, a good American, and a pervert simultaneously.
Amateur Athletics Rule
Now, I did mention contemplation. I do watch the occasional commercial. I want to know for whom these commercials are targeted.
ShamWow. Well, I’ll skip that one because everyone needs one. But I do have a question. During Vince’s spiel, he mentions that “You are going to spend $20 a month for paper towels anyway.”
Ok, I just checked the price on paper towels. The most expensive are around 2 bucks a roll. Which works out to about a roll of paper towels every 3 days.
Honest question: what the hell are you people doing with all those paper towels?
Then I caught a commercial for a gold buying company. The woman in the ad, “Had no idea my gold was worth that much.” Implying she thought it was valueless.
Ok, anyone who had no idea gold was valuable, please raise your hand. Oh, no one?
Yeah, that’s what I thought.
Then Kathy, our intrepid representative who finds all the cooking gadgets to solve our needs is now pimping some pasta cooker. Because we all know how difficult it is to cook pasta. We need to boil water, put the pasta in and then dump it out. Definitely need some stupid plastic piece of crap to make that easier.
Kathy To the Rescue
If you order now, it comes with 2 knives. A red one for meat and a blue one for vegetables. Easy to remember because of all the blue vegetables, I guess. And the only meat they show being cooked is fish, which comes from the ocean, which is blue, so...never mind.
I’ll just get a cool kitchen gadget like this:
Can you guess what this is?
All the cool kids hang at
http://www.humorbloggers.com
33 comments:
How are we to know what kind of kitchen gadget this is? Kitchens are women's work surely?
This is a lot of paper towels! LOL
That jug looks like its picking it's nose...but I'm sure that's not the case.
I'm guessing it's a pitcher and the water pours out of it's nose. I only say that because everyone needs one.
Hmmm the vase looks like a vase to me. Will we see an infomercial on it soon?
The pot thing looks like a garlic jar, that's why he's holding his nose, I guess. LOL!
Love the analyses, but ... I have one problem the beach volleyball thing. Surely you can't be a pervert for .. ah ... appreciating the young ladies' scantily-clad bodies? Surely not.
Because if you are, that makes me a pervert for enjoying American football on so many levels. Including the skin-tight pants. And I'm sure I'm not a pervert, I just enjoy the game. The strategy, the excitement of an unexpected chop block or flying tackle (especially with those tight pants), the aggression, the speed and agility, the ti .. *ahem* ... sportsmanship ... oh, and the molar-sized diamonds in their ears never fail to fascinate me. I bet they know exactly how valuable those things are!
'Scuse me, were you talking about paper towels?
Ok... For some reason, I want to put a match up that things nose??
Anyway, don't hate on the gold buying commercial. I think it's pure genius that they send you a CLEARLY MARKED envelope, you put all the gold that's so valuable "from your 1st mARRiage" (note accent) in the envelope and stick it in the mail so it can safely arrive at their own gold melting vaults. As soon as this catchs on good, I'm becoming a postal servant.
I have no idea what that thing is but whatever it is, it was designed to scare kids away.
I'd put M&M's in it.
Why don't you prepare an infomercial for the jug? Maybe you could create a demand!
I want the face pitcher. I dont have on... I'll offer you 19.99 plus a sham wow...
@ Adullamite: Let's see how quickly we can spot the bachelor.
@ Drowsey: Not a jug. THat would be too easy.
@ Bradley: Not a pitcher, and yes, everyone needs one. (ok, not really, because if we did, we would all have one.)
@ lauren: Not a vase.
@ jay: not for holding or storing anything.
@ Flowergirl: Definately don't put a match up its nose. The nose has to be free and clear.
@ Shyne: Not meant to hold or store anything.
@ Shadow: Already has a major demand. You would want one if you knew what it was. Maybe.
@ Dani: It's not a pitcher, and you definately could use it. It's a handy kitchen gadget, perfect if one has kids.
OK...if I can't put M&M's in it, then I'd use it as a separater.
You know.....separate cream from milk, fat from meat juices when making gravy.
@ Shyne: Close.
I think it's a crack pipe!
@ Momjeans: You would, Rev.
I probably spend that much on paper towels. I use one every time I pick up a single crumb on the floor. And we have a lot of crumbs.
I admire your patriotism.
JD at I Do Things
You should get the tiddy bear, haha. You should look into it.
Whoops, forgot to give you the link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gw1g2yKxb0I
@ jd at I do things: May I interest you in a ShamWow?
@ The Fly: I would like one.
I have got a oil burner like that, is it one of them?
Although that's not a gadget is it.
I think it's a self-portrait of my ex-mother-in-law.
I hate to admit it, but I bought the Shamwow and the Pasta thingy.
@ Claire: Nope
@ Middle-aged: Nope
Hummm... no fire up the nose and a kitchen gaget. Close with the whole 'separating' thing... is it a grease trap? you know, like pour bacon grease in it and you sepatate the grease from the bits??
@ Flowergirl: Not for bacon, but very close.
It looks like a vase with two hands playing grab-ass on some rather shapely cheeks.
Oh, COME ON.... not for bacon... you're killin' me... you're wanting real specifics - what, do you want me to say, it's for sausage rather than for bacon?? hamburger meat? you're KILLIN me! :)
@ Don: Nope
@ Flowergirl: Definately not for a meat product, but, sausage and bacon are good hints.
Is it for gravy?
@ Flowergirl: Nope
I suck at identifying kitchen gadgets. what's a kitchen again?
my only guess is. . . it's my pot to piss in? cuz I don't have one at the moment.
This is killin me... I'm going to have to sleep on it now... BTW, I added you to my blog roll... Anybody that can engage me in this manner deserves my attention - ha!
@ Sandy: The place with that big white thing that keeps beer cold.
@ Flowergirl: Thanks. Tomorrow morning, you may wish you had one of these things. I'm running out of hints. :)
Ok... last try... it's either some kind of sifter or it has something to do with cream...
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