Sunday, June 22, 2008

My name is Crotchety, and I'm an alco--ooops, I just had a flashback. Sorry. I have a lot of those. Sometimes, I flash back to things that never happened. And before anyone ever suggests that that I'm just reliving an event from a past life, I doubt it because even in another life I know I never went jet skiing with Martha Stewart.

In case anyone didn't know, I have a "thing" for Martha Stewart.

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It has nothing to do with her bad girl image. I have lusted in my heart after Martha long before she went up the river.

I have no idea why, either. She is a darned attractive lady, that's for sure. But it must be something about the combination cookie baker/doily maker/beauty queen that just makes me quiver.

Did you see that? Right there? I have never used the word quiver before in describing an emotional response with me. But Martha just does that for me.

Which reminds me, I tend to have some weird quirks. Stop snickering. Now. I'm serious, Kevin.

Kevin is a RW friend who has pointed out that I tend to be rather regimented in my behavior. Just because I ate the same thing for lunch (PB&J) and dressed in the same color clothes for 2 straight years doesn't mean I'm regimented.

By the way, my clothing, or outfits, as my metrosexual friends called them, were rather Monk-like

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No, not those guys (though I do like the robes and the structure)

more like this guy

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Every day, I wore a light blue cotton oxford button down shirt, blue pants, and white socks. I owned 6 of these shirts and 6 pairs of blue pants. On the seventh day, I rested. I mean, I wore something different, like khaki pants with a dark blue shirt. I'm crazy that way.

It was just easier. I have trouble with colors, not that I'm color blind, I'm more color stupid. The Crotchety Old Lady never lets me pick out my own clothes when we go out in public. About the only thing she lets me choose is which pair of white socks to wear, because white socks go with everything.


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Warning: This post was published while the author was pantsless. Do not look down.


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9 comments:

dani said...

Blue is my favorite color, and white socks do match everything, but Martha?

Da Old Man said...

She is from NJ, too. What's not to love?

timethief said...

Martha, white socks and birkenstocks all in the same post. I'm *rotflmao* :P

Drowsey Monkey said...

I've always thought of Martha as the anti-christ. I may have to rethink visiting again,

lol

Da Old Man said...

Google is the anti-christ. I read it on the internet, so it must be true.

Martha is gorgeous, and I know Revelations never mentioned that the anti-christ would be babelicious.

Jane said...

Were you a mailman?

Pffft, Martha Stewart. On her show, she constantly talks about all those trips she goes on and invites she gets to events like the Kentucky Derby and the awards she gets. Blah, blah, blah.

Then she goes off an bakes cookies that take 15 steps and as many hours. Can you say annoying?

~*~Shadow.Crystal~*~ said...

LOL @ Martha
...well... I can think of worse people to have obsessions with :-P

I don't think I'll ever understand the American thing where people actually wear socks with sandals lol

savvy said...

funny thing is, when I first mentioned to him that he was wearing the same shirt everyday, he became angry and protested adamantly... until slumping his shoulders and dropping his head as the truth dawned on him - no time for sorrow, though, since the Succubus was quick to hand him a write up for "failure to maintain variety in his business apparel"

Savvy (Kevin)

savvy said...

BTW, Shadow crystal, that's not an american thing, it's simply a thing for the tragically unhip - like the crotchety old man!