When I did, I heard someone with an accent, and lots of talking in the background. It was a call from a boiler room.
Everyone knows I love a good telemarketer call, and this one had all the promise to be a great one. Read on for what may have been the greatest telemarketer scammer call I ever received. I only wish I had recorded it as it was so good, I hope I don't forget any of the nuances.
It started, as all good calls do, with the scammer asking for the Crotchety Old Lady. Actually, he asked for Frances, which is her name. This confuses most telemarketers as her name could be man or woman. Well, except for the fact FrancEs is traditionally the spelling for a woman, while FrancIs is usually a man. Ok, I can fogive that most aren't aware of that, so it's all good.
I told him she wasn't here. He then went on to tell me he was from the FTC, and I had been scammed. He gave me the name of the company that scammed me (or Frances, it didn't seem to matter to him.) And because he was from the FTC, he was going to replace all the money that was scammed, plus give me $25,000 insurance to be sure it wasn't going to happen again.
Woohoo! My government at work.
And, the best part is, I didn't need to send him any money. Nope, just give him my checking account number, and he would forward the money Frances was scammed. Oh wait, you're not Frances? No problem. We'll send the money you were scammed, because it turned out both you and Frances were each scammed out of $2,000 in 2002 by eVoice.
Good thing he called. Let me give you a bit of the dialog that followed between me and SG (Scammer Guy) after he asked for my checking or savings account so he could forward me all the money that had been scammed from me.
Me: But I don't have a checking account or savings account. Can you just send a check?
SG: No, the US Government doesn't send checks. They don't trust the mail. Anyone could just steal my check and cash it. (Nice to know the Fed doesn't trust the Postal Service or the banking industry)
Me: Ok, just give me your phone number and I'll call you back.
SG: No, there is no way for you to call me directly.
Me: The US Government doesn't have a phone number?
SG: I'm not from the government.
Me: But you told me you were from the Federal Trade Commission.
SG: Well, yes, but not the regular government.
Me: Oh. Ok, then just send me the check.
SG: Can you go and open a checking account so we can send you the money?
Me: No, I can't leave the house. It would be so much easier to just send me a check.
SG: Ok, let me check your information. Your name is Frances?
Me: No, I told you 10 minutes ago it wasn't.
SG: So, what is your name?
Me: Joe Ungatz. (this is my official fake name)
SG: Can you spell that.
Me: Of course I can.
SG: So, will you please.
Me: Sure. U-N-G-A-T-Z
SG: And your address is (he had my real address. This was a well prepared scammer)
Me: Great, so you can send me the check.
SG: No, direct deposit only.
Me: But I don't have an account.
SG: Ok, I'll have to call you tomorrow.
I am so looking forward to his call today. I'm trying to think of goofy stuff to ask him. Any suggestions will be considered.