Saturday, May 03, 2008

Divorce sucks

I spent time on the phone yesterday speaking to an old friend. He's going through a nasty divorce. His can't be soon enough ex-wife is really making it hard for him. It's not the financial part of it, it's that she is engaging in spiteful behavior. How can two people who used to be in love be so vicious towards one another?

I know the old joke is that divorce is so expensive because it's worth it, but why does it have to be hurtful? Funny part is, this is the third divorce I've heard of recently where the one who initiated it by doing things that were wrong in the context of marriage, act like they were so aggrieved. Can't anyone own up to their shortcomings? Won't anyone admit wrongdoing any more?

I'm going to my buddy's memorial service today. He and his wife were together for 27 years. They had rough patches, but they got through them because they started out as friends, and worked through problems and stayed friends. I never heard Bob utter an unkind word about anyone (ok, maybe a few of his bosses, but we all know what jerks they can be) and perhaps that is a huge part of the reason he and his wife were so happy for so long.


Babchi said...

You both have to want to want to work at it to have a marriage work for any length of time...nowadays there is just too much selfishness.

renata said...

It's so true, bleacher. I have a friend who's separated. Her hubby was cheating on her. When she found out, he blamed *her* for finding out! Offered no apologies - just went into a worse sulk than he'd already been in. He stopped what little discourse he had been having with her. He told her he would not support the kids any more and he isn't. Yet he maintains his "right" to see them. Now that he feels he has established that, he rarely calls and didn't even help his youngest on his Eagle Project. But he wants to show up for the awards ceremony. He pays for the cell phone - that's it. He was mad when she asked him to move out since he hadn't paid any household expenses in over a year. He treats her like this whole thing is her fault. It's ridiculous. I feel so badly for her.

I'm also so sorry to hear of the passing of Bob. :(