I am so disgusted with the candidates that the only option I have is to run myself. I am hoping for a massive write-in vote obviously, as I have no campaign organization except for the Crotchety Old Lady and the Crotchety Kid. To be honest, I'm not even sure I have their votes. I also have no money to pay a staff. So, I am relying on both of my regular readers to help spread the word. If each of you can get me just 2 votes, and each of those 2 get me just 2 votes, and so on, I'll have billions and billions of voters in under a month. Do the math, my calculator exploded at the 24 day mark.
I've been working on my platform. I will address the issues people really care about.
Ok, I only have one campaign promise, but I think it will solve nearly every problem we face as Americans today.
No left hand turns.
Left turns are the bane of American drivers. Just last night, I was out driving a very short distance, and had at least 3 near impact incidents with drivers making left hand turns. Such incidents are the cause of road rage, and that rage turns into stress, which everyone knows causes illness such as high blood pressure, which leads to heart attacks and every other illness known to man such as colds and flu.
All because of left hand turns. So I have helped solve the health care crisis.
And, of course, who hasn't been stuck for seemingly hours behind a driver trying to make a left hand turn? Our gas shortage and the resulting high prices, has been caused by Hummers making left hand turns.
No more gas crunch.
With no left turns, no need for a left turn bulb in your car, reducing waste that is filling up our landfills.
Garbage problem solved.
And lastly, it will eliminate that old guy driving down the interstate for 50 miles with his left turn signal on, reducing light pollution.
Vote for me,and I promise: