Friday, May 23, 2008

Vote for Me for President

I am so disgusted with the candidates that the only option I have is to run myself. I am hoping for a massive write-in vote obviously, as I have no campaign organization except for the Crotchety Old Lady and the Crotchety Kid. To be honest, I'm not even sure I have their votes. I also have no money to pay a staff. So, I am relying on both of my regular readers to help spread the word. If each of you can get me just 2 votes, and each of those 2 get me just 2 votes, and so on, I'll have billions and billions of voters in under a month. Do the math, my calculator exploded at the 24 day mark.

I've been working on my platform. I will address the issues people really care about.

Ok, I only have one campaign promise, but I think it will solve nearly every problem we face as Americans today.

No left hand turns.

Left turns are the bane of American drivers. Just last night, I was out driving a very short distance, and had at least 3 near impact incidents with drivers making left hand turns. Such incidents are the cause of road rage, and that rage turns into stress, which everyone knows causes illness such as high blood pressure, which leads to heart attacks and every other illness known to man such as colds and flu.
All because of left hand turns. So I have helped solve the health care crisis.

And, of course, who hasn't been stuck for seemingly hours behind a driver trying to make a left hand turn? Our gas shortage and the resulting high prices, has been caused by Hummers making left hand turns.
No more gas crunch.

With no left turns, no need for a left turn bulb in your car, reducing waste that is filling up our landfills.
Garbage problem solved.

And lastly, it will eliminate that old guy driving down the interstate for 50 miles with his left turn signal on, reducing light pollution.

Vote for me,and I promise:



~*~Shadow.Crystal~*~ said...

Well, if I was American, you'd have my vote!

Susie said...

You would have my vote! I wanted Ross Perot! :)

I sat in 20 minutes of back up, for just this reason, left hand turn, but do you think the road crew working on the left turn lane, could have put that there was a left turn lane closure, so all the boobs could have perhaps gone to the next intersection..

No they sat in the middle lane, which they thought was the turn lane, and backed up traffic for 20 flippin minutes, cutting into my precious beer time!

Crotch for President - I could draw some interesting campaign posters!

Da Old Man said...

Susie, I've seen your work. That would be wonderful. I'll have to get Shadow Crystal a fake ID card so she can come here vote.

: )

Nicole said...

Of course you would have my vote =)

Dee said...

Darn it I'd vote for you if I lived there.

Bradley said...

You have my vote but I don't have two friends so that's as good as I can do.

shyne said...

LOL....FINALLY a candidate who has a firm grasp on problems and a plan of action I can understand!

You've got my vote!

The Travel Beggar said...

You think Left hand turns suck then you should come to new Left Turns are not allowed...instead they make us go past our intersections to take u-turns. Now that sounds great, cept that u-turn maybe 5 miles past your turn!!!!

Also, since we have canals everywhere, you cant just hop over the neutral ground(median for you yanks)cause you will most likely drown.
Perhaps you should run on the banning of Camera lights...cause I keep getting these damn tickets and a picture in the mail for running red lights and they never take good pics of me.
~eric the travel beggar

Karen Zemek, author of "My Funny Dad, Harry" said...

Good one, very funny!

Donna said...

I'd vote for you in a heartbeat!