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Yesterday, your reporter revealed that it has reached "Holy crap, we are all going to die" level, so we can only assume that you are one of the few remaining survivors.
As such, you are getting one of the greatest opportunities ever. Crotchety Old Man Flu Fighters, a division of our World Wide HeadQuarters and Discount House of Worship, is offering a complete line of prophylactic products to prevent the Swine/Avian Flu hybrid also known as the H1N1.463 double play.
We have something for every budget.
For those who want the very best and to protect the entire family, we recommend
A Biodome
But not everyone has the cash for such a purchase, yet they still want to be safe, so we offer high fashion hazmat suits in designer colors
Perfect for work or play
If you are more the traditionalist, there is, of course, the "Classic Bubble Boy"
But times are hard. Lots of good folks are out of work. So, for the truly budget conscious, we offer
Safety at a Discount
Order today. Operators are standing by.
http://www.humorbloggers.com/
33 comments:
Hey I could do the bubble wrap. I have some left over from wrapping my mother's present. Great idea. THANKS!
LLLLOLOLOLLLL.... You aren't right...... you know that don'tcha... but then again, I'd probably never go for less than bubble wrap... I LOVE bubble wrap.......
Fabulous post!
Does the hazmat suit come in purple,,,LOL
Hey, you survived the Great Flu of 1916, so maybe you have a good immune system. Unless you aren't THAT old...
I've always wanted my own bubble and colorful hazmat suit! :)
I like the bubble wrap too, and didn't realize you had a Discount House of Worship. How much will it cost me for a prayer against this thing?
I heard on t.v. the other day that docs are saying those face mask don't work... This morning another doctor on t.v. was telling everyone to basically use all of those mask for toilet paper. That was their value against the pig flu. Now I know we are going to die! I'm going to have another cup of coffee first.
If my ex shows up here any time soon, I may have to resort to one of these measures. He's coming home from vacationing in Mexico today. stupid ass.
Hey--I tried that bubble wrap thingie back in 1976--almost killed one of the kids when I tied the neck tie too tight...but at least he wasn't breathing in deadly germs.
What's the number? What's the number? I've got the phone in my hand.
Ha! Did you fall for that?
Anyway, my cat was all excited about popping that bubble wrap.
Yeah. I know. It doesn't take much to amuse me.
@ Lauren: You are welcome
@ Winky: I know I'm slightly off.
@ Adullamite: Thanks
@ HR Diva: Sure :)
@ Husbands: There have been so many over the years, I tend to forget
@ Lady Sarcasm: We are having a sale right now. Stock up and save
@ Unfinished: We work on donations. Usually EC credits or HBDC ones.
@ Don: Better have 2 cups. Makes for a better last meal
@ Joanie: Have him wear the bubble wrap.
@ Judy: Those germs would have been worse.
@ Reforming: After we survive the pandemic disaster, the cat can pop all the bubbles.
Win-win
Very funny! :) I especially loved your intro.
What a shame.
If we are all going to die anyway, why waste bubble wrap.
That would be a shame.
Do you accept checks?
What no duct tape for your windows ie: FEMA?
Doesn't that cure everything?
I think the green bio suit would look good against my fur....
"Hello? Good morning, Helga. I'd like to order two SEE-THRU hazmat suits for my next door neighbors. I think they will look fabulous in them."
@ Mrs 4444: Thanks
@ Quirky: So true. Bubble wrap should never be wasted.
@ FishHawk: Cash, checks, Discover, and stamps.
@ Pricilla: You must be protected most of all. We don't need swine/bird/goat flu.
@ Carl: Taking advantage of our specials, I see. Helga will be right back with you.
Thank God someone is offering practical ways to deal with this situation!
The bubble wrap is a color-your-own product. Each bubble can be a different color. I'd use the good-smelling markers, too. That way you can get a nice buzz before death if the bubble wrap doesn't work!
Can my biodome be pretty designer colors too?
I was thinking maybe blue and green, with hand-painted roses and stargazer lilies.
(...pause...)I can't stop looking at that picture of the boy in the bubble with the toilet paper; wondering how he could possibly sit on the toilet and wipe his butt.
Hmmmm.
@ Kirsten: Someone had to come forward.
@ Collette: I'll let the operators know that, too. Thanks
@ Janna: I need to order a case of markers, so it will cost a buit extra.
I have no idea how he handles that "bidness."
I'll leave you to ponder it further.
boo to swine flu
Crotchety, I can only assume you and the Mrs. were your own first customers right? The way you fall out of doorways you would catch the flu. The bubblewrap could of course protect you if (when)you fall and stop the flu at the same time.
I would like the hazmat suit in polka dot, please.
This afternoon I noticed that we are at a new direction in the media: "The don't freak out peons, it was never as bad as we were saying" level. Ask me why I don't watch the news anymore.
Hahahaha, the bubble wrap is sooooo win-riffic.
I must make me a bubblewrap suit now.
Great post...I love your blog!! Please visit mine
Mellowzone.blogspot.commaybe we can link to each other.
anyways, please keep the posts coming!!
@ Self: Swine Flu is going down!
@ Etta: I need to completely wrap myself in bubble wrap to prevent injury and germs.
@ Creative: Special orders are no problem.
@ Lin: Thanks to the good folks at COMHQDHW. We have nearly eliminated the disease. You are welcome.
@ Bitter: PLans are available online.
@ Smooth: Thanks
I'd do the bubble wrap, but it would soon disintegrate because I am addicted to popping the bubbles. I can't win.
Yeah,sign me up for the bubble wrap too. But I'll need a few extra sheets.
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