Saturday, October 31, 2009

In Support of Adult Diapers

I have been diapered for a few weeks, and to be honest, I'm enjoying them.

I'm sure most of youse still buy in to the "Big Boxer" Cartel or are under the spell of the "Tighty Whitey" Syndicate.

I'm here to tell you of the joy of adult diapers. Yes, friend, they are not just for funny pictures on Google images any more.

Here, in handy list form, are the top 10 reasons for the move to diapers.

1. Never again fear the wet fart.

2. The Texaco station bathroom is a germ infested nightmare. No problem.

3. Win bets with your friends. Next time at the bar, have a contest with your non diapered buddies, last one to use the restroom wins. Pound your favorite brew while enjoying the others squirming.

4. Your naughty bits and bum are cleaned with warm soapy water. Aaaah, yes, warm soapy water.

5. You can pee while talking to your mother-in-law. Expand the mental image as needed.

6. No need for a Halloween costume. You'll be the hit of every party.

7. Add a sash and instant Baby New Year. And it will be every bit as hilarious as Halloween.

8. Never leave in the middle of a movie for a bathroom break.

9. Now you don't have to carry a seat cushion to a sports event.

10. They are available in such designer colors as sea foam and eggshell. They go with any outfit.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

The Floodgates Are Open

Yesterday I set a record for the rehab center, 6 poops on one shift. Yea me.

Two qualified as mega pooooooooops.

So today, I took a chance with solid food, sausage and pancakes. The pancakes are a speciality here as they are crunchy.

Don't ask.

Because my bum and naughty bits have been so traumatized by recent events, the pt staff got a special cushion for my wheelchair. It cost $5000. You read that right.

My butt should be pleased.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Important poop update!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know this is important because of all the exclamation points.

Yesterday, after the Fleet arrived, there was still no movement.

Then, while cleaning me up, the aide tried to help, erm, "manually."

Yes it did hekp because it appears my butt had Been atempting to form diamonds, not realizing that would only work if I ate a coal based diet.

Thursday, October 22, 2009


not this


dis one


Thursday, October 15, 2009

Phun with Pharmaceuticals

In case you missed it, I've been in the hospital the last 7 weeks enjoying surgery and other delights.

I also learned of Dilodin.

While I am no sort of recreational drug user, I almost look forward to various pain killers the doctor describes. This time I developed a favorite. Not only does Dilodin have incredible side effects, incredible halluciations, but no giant chickens. Instead I saw different people in my room and imagined my numerous gaseous emissions could be seen by me in shapes of mardi gras beads of various sizes and colors. Weird, huh?

I also have found out that sponge baths are not what they are cracked up to be especially when given by a guy named Linus.

I have lost count of the number of people who have seen and grabbed my naughty bits.

I have access and so I should be blogging regularly soon. I am making some progress.

Thursday, October 08, 2009

Soon to be blogging...

Crochety is now at Cedar Oaks Rehab Center, Room 110A...still on THE PAIN DRUG...but in pill form so he is more alert when he isn't sleeping. Started physical therapy and his laptop was dropped off today. His new phone number is 732-650-8419.