Saturday, January 29, 2011

Another sign of the Apocolypse

Guess who is having a movie made of his life?

Justin Beiber. All of life and his amazing struggle to reach the top of the pop world will be wrapped up in 90 minutes or so.

He's 16.


I'm speechless.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Snow again

I'm starting to feel bad for Mrs.C., but have to admit all this shoveling is getting her kinda buff.

Lately been watching Idol, hate it but Mrs. likes Steven Tyler, thinks he's so handsome. Now I'm all male, so I can't tell a handsome male from all the rest, but I can spot ugly, and he is fugly, which is a step beyond.

I woke up this norning with my usual weird thoughts, and today's was what ever happened to Fearless Fosdick?

And quickly followed by who the heck is Fearless Fosdick?

Thanks to our friends at the Google, I found out who he was. It's not easy being me.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Slowly, but surely, kicking and sceaming

Crotchety is dragged into the 21st century. He got a cell phone! No texting or any of that techy stuff. Still need Mrs. C. To explain how the buttons work. I did manage to call the bedroom phone from my living room.

Big Surprise Duh News of the Day!!!

That 79 cents big beef taco from Taco Bell may not be all beef. There is a lawsuit, probably from the same folks who are suing the government for beach erosion. It's impossible to make up strories as funny as the real news.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

In trouble again

I know youse won't believe it, but Mrs. C is angry with me. And what did I do? Nothing, as usual.

I'm a victim of circumstances.

I bought a new power wheelchair that she claims she knew nothing about. I'm really sure she was told about the giant red chair now sitting in the middle of our kitchen. When she said it was in the way, I offered to teach her how to drive it so she could move around in the kitchen. But she got more angry.

And it takes a while to learn how to control it and I promised to replace all the flowers I ruined when I knocked over the plant stand. I sure as heck can't do anything about the irreplaceble stand itself. And it's not bad, just a few gashes. It gives it character. Perhaps her late father should have installed bumper guards when he built it 45 years ago. It would have prevented the whole ugly mess. So it's really his fault.

She didn't buy that either.

To try to make it up to her, even though I did no wrong, I asked her to make me pancakes for breakfast. She grumbled something (probably "sure, my love") and while she was making my bed, I complimented her for doing it so well. And there was that mumbling again.

I'm in the doghouse so often, I should put shag carpeting and a big screen TV in there.

By the way, I answer your comments when I can. When I don't I'm not being rude, it's just I'm in so much pain it's impossible to spend that much time at the 'puter. If I get my stoopid laptop fixed, that will change things. Right now, I can't use the h,b,n keys on it. That would make my gibberish even less decipherable.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Snow again GRRRRRRR

Before today's Pulitzer Prize worthy blog post, here's the rant of the day. We got a bit of snow here, about 6". That didn't stop NYC Mayor Mike (quick get a camera crew) Bloomberg from holding a press conference about the snow! This guy is becoming a pain in the ass, and I'm not even in New York.

Here's today's irregularly scheduled post:

Last week, the lottery hit a third of a billion dollars. Since my retirement plan is a dollar and a dream, I started to imagine what I'd do if I won. Here's my list:
1. Fur toilet seats for cold mornings
2. Solid gold snow shovel for Mrs. C (she does deseve the best)
3. A Rolls Royce and have it modified into a pick up truck, with a gun rack.
4. A new home with a moat and drawbridge.
5. An Italian restuarant, so I can have seating for 12 when the Mrs and I go out. I like to move around when I eat.

1b. A security force (army) of clowns armed with Uzis that shoot silly string.
2b. 1000 Elvis impersonators to sing Happy Birthday to me every morning.
3b. A baker to bake the world's largest coconut cream pie. (Why? Remember that army of clowns?)

Lastly, I'd acquire a few towns, and rename them after body parts.
Like Naughty Bits, Kentucky. Nah, I'd probably name them all Naughty Bits. I'd also send a check for $3.92 each to all my regular commentors like Sandee, Maritess, MB, LL, Reffie, Janna, Don, and FishHawk.

Monday, January 10, 2011

So, there I was

reading my underwear........What, you don't wear underwear with comic books written on them? Kind of like adult underoos.

Nevermind. It wasn't a really good story unless you really, really like Spiderman.

Well, I went to a job interview the other day. They made me take a typing test. Turns out I can type a blistering 17 words a minute. Didn't get to the interview. Sigh.

But on the bright side it makes you appreciate every pixel I so painstakingly kill for this blog.

Yeah, and for those of youse who wonder, I lost a leg, not an arm.

In the next few days I'll be getting a scooter, for more mobility. Wonder how much trouble I can get in with that? I'm already banned from using the scooters at Stop and Shop, and I've been warned in Atlantic City.

Friday, January 07, 2011


This just cracks me up.

Have a good weekend.

Thursday, January 06, 2011

What's pissing me off today

This could be a weekly feature, since I get pissed off nearly every day.

Today it's rigatoni and cupcakes.

First, the rigatoni.

Now, I'm part Italian, and had pasta and tomato sauce very Sunday growing up, and usually it was rigatoni and ground beef (meat sauce we called it. You probably know it as Bolagnese.) It was and still is my favorite meal. I asked Mrs. C to buy some at the store. She came back with something that the box said was rigatoni, but the contents were ziti with lines, usually called ziti rigati. Totally different. Bastages. How could they try to pass this off as rigatoni?

About the cupcakes. TastyKake is a regional bakery out of Philly. Usually, I don't trust people from Philly, but I grew up with Tastycake, so they get some slack. Anyway, the chocolte cupcakes are awesome. So, Mrs. C bought me some today and they were terrible.
The cakes were the usual soft delicious chocolate selves, but the icing--bleh.
In the past the icing was thick and fudgey. Now it is wafer thin and tastes stale. They weren't out of date (it's not the 22nd yet) and just crappy.

I'll be sending them a letter explaining that they have a disgruntled customer rather than the one who was previously errrr..... gruntled.

Monday, January 03, 2011

Happy New Year

I was so busy on New Year's Day I haven't recovered yet.

On many Holidays, TV channels have marathons, whereby they play episodes of one show.

This year, are you ready for this, there was a marathon of The Three Stooges, and the A Team, and The Honeymooners, all at the same time. I know... my remote control was overheating.

If Gilligan's Island was on a 4th channel, my brain would have exploded.

Today we're back to what passes for normal at Casa Crotchety, and while watching the Price is Right, I saw what may be the dumbest item ever. A treadmill bike. You can travel on it while walking along. Wouldn't regular walking do the same thing?

By the way, I made some resolutions.

I resolve to write better. Rather than the short posts, I'll try to make them worth reading.

And, lastly..,...,..STOOPID GIANTS.