Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Bah, Humbug

Black Friday, Buy More Stuff Saturday, then Cyber Monday. Christmas sales, songs and decorations for the last 2 weeks. I'm already Christmased out.

I declare today Bah Humbug Tuesday! No shopping, no carols, and no damn gingerbread!

If gingerbread were any good, wouldn't we have it all year? Maybe it's like turkey, many people only have it once a year.

Well, anyway, have a nice day.



Thursday, November 25, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving

Shouldn't you be eating turkey with the family?

Shouldn't you be preparing for Black Friday?

I can't believe you're here. I guess I should feel honored that you decided to spend this small part of this Holiday with me. I am, thank you very much to each and every one. I am especially thankful for the many kind readers who called me when I was in the hospital and rehab. It was a long 15 months, and your calls made it tolerable. I ever you find yourself in the same situation (hopefully never) I'll do my best to return your kindness.

Enjoy the Holiday.


Wednesday, November 24, 2010

It's the most wonderful time of the year

The Victoria's Secret Holiday catalog came in today. When Mrs. C accused me of ogling beautiful women I assured her I was simply imaging what she looked like in those outfits.

She didn't buy it either.

The other day I was watching a football game, and a few people were praying.Did they really think that their deity would control the outcome of a game? I'd like to think that God has better things to do.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010


Anniversary went well.

Got the Mrs. a dozen red roses ( how did I let the saleschick talk me into that, when a couple posies would have been fine) and had an awesome pizza for our romantic dinner.

By the way, I started to answer your comments.

Got to go. Physical therapist is here.


Monday, November 22, 2010

That's amore

Well, I forgot Mrs. C's anniversary was today. A major ooops. What could I buy her now that is so kickass she won't mind if it shows up a few days late?

I have $23.89. Any suggestions?

She already has a fairly new snow shovel, a new wooden spoon, and a perfectly good mop.

I'm going to get some glue and make her a macaroni card. That should be enough for today.


Sunday, November 21, 2010

I forgot to tell youse yesterday that the doctor told me to take a test run with the Viagra. Take one, then sit for up to 4 hours observing my naughty bits. Sounds like pretty much a normal day for me, except that I'll be watching the Jets game at the same time. The ultimate multi-tasker, that's me.

I'm starting to try to write every day now.

This morning, I was watching my 40" TV (can you tell I love it) and the talking heads were discussing our PBS TV station. The begathons weren't really successful. That means most people don't want the station funded. So they'll use our tax dollars and make everyone fund it. I like PBS, and I fund it. But it's wrong to force me to. Bastages.


Saturday, November 20, 2010


Went to the doctor today. Got some insulin for my sugar, and some Vigara for my honey.

Once in a while Mrs. C. does me a solid. While in the hospital our TV exploded, so she got me a 40" TV. Still won't let me date, though. You take the good with the bad.

Can't think of anything interesting to write, and while that never stopped me before, today I'm wrapping it up. Going out tonight with Mrs. C., The Pretty Young Nurse, and Mr. Mopey.

Catch youse tomorrow.


Friday, November 19, 2010

I'm a millionaire

I got a phone call today from scammers.

Love 'em love 'em love 'em

Here's a quick summary

He said I won 5 million bucks. I got all excited because these are my favorite scammers.

He explained it came from Obama himself. Of course I asked to meet him. Sadly, the President is too busy.

So I asked him to send the check right away as I could use some cash.

Then he explained about the $250, to cover the cost of the US Marshalls, and other incidentals.

I explained I'll pay on delivery, and include a big tip for the driver.

After going on like this for 5 minutes or more he put his supervisor on the line.

The supervisor explained that a $250 dollar tip meant nothing to him because he was the CEO of the company and made much more than that.

Spoke with the CEO for about 10 minutes, then I just hung up because my doctor was calling.

They called back another 3 times but I was busy.

I love telemarketers.


Thursday, November 18, 2010


Took a roll around the ranch today and it was an eye opener.

How the mice will play while the cat is away.

The woman has been spending like we have a money tree in the back yard. And a big one at that.

First, she PAID to have the house painted, knowing we had a perfectly good brush in the shed. And Charlie next door has a ladder she could have used for the high parts. To further agitate me she had it painted banana, even hough she knows I'm allergic.

New awnings. The old one was only missing a few strips.

Next, while going through the kitchen, a brand new wooden spoon. As rarely as she cooks you know she didn't wear out the old one.

Finally, I went through the fridge and pantry.

Name brand products.

No store brand peanut butter for Mrs. Rockefeller.

I gotta go and lecture the missus about frugality. Catch you tommorow.

I'll start visiting blogs soon.


Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Believe it or not

I'm Home

At the rehab, the computer has been down for weeks so here's what's been going on.

The other day I was chased around by a little Asian woman with a commode. On my last day I pooped in it, and you have never seen a woman more excited to see me take a poop. Actually sounds like she may be my type of woman.

Guess what they put on Stumpy last week

No, not baby foreskin.

Give up?

A patch made from pig testicles.

When Joe gets around a rasher of bacon (insert your own joke here, I know most of you will.