Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Best PSA Ever

The guy from Letterman does it.

"There have been a lot of movements since the 60's. But the most important one is the one before getting a colonoscopy"

I've had one and believe me I wouldn't refer to it as a movement.

It was a 4 hour poop-a-thon.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

My nephew figured it out

The other day when I was talking to my sister on the phone, my nephew cut in and told me, "Uncle Joe Bob, you need sister wives."

The kid's a genius!!!

I am such a high maintenance gimp that it will take a few to take care of me.

It should take 2 worker wives, 1 housecleaner/assistant cook wife, 1 TV watcher (cartoons especially) wife. The currenr Mrs. C will handle snuggling duties.

What kind of ad should I run, and where?

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

More killer fruits

I don't just fear starfruit, especially when cut and used as a ninja weapon like Janna suggested, but there are 2 others which can be lethal to me.

Orange juice and bananas. As you eat your Cheerios and slice a banana into it, and pour yourself a glass of liquid sunshine, just think of your old friend friend Crotchety who this may accidently be his last meal.

Imagine a Mafia hit man, rather than put a bullet behind my ear, can simply feed me orange and banana smoothies abd I'll wind up in a body bag by the end of the day.

Another baffler for CSI.

By the way I answered comments yesterday and plan to in the future.

Unless I'm sick.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Wieird stuff

I'm not making this up (for once) but their is a fruit that can kill me.


No one is sure how much it will take, but I was told don't ever eat any.

So youse know what is going through my mind.

What the hell does it taste like and where can I get some.
What if I only licked it?

I will buy some and use it to get Mrs. C to do stuff.

When I ask her to get me a snack and she says no, just whip out the starfruit and say, "No prob, I'll eat this," and see her jump up. Cruel, but funny.

What if she says no? Calls my bluff?

No wonder I'm always in trouble with her.