Happy April Fool's Day Eve

Whenever anyone talks about bad days to have your birthday, the Christmas and Christmas Eve group starts whining that they get screwed out of presents. They wind up getting a two-fer. My friends Vinnie (yeah, every Italian has a friend named Vinnie) and Kevin both have Christmas Eve birthdays, so I've heard it all before. My nephew is December 26th, so that kind of sucks, too.
The Crotchety Old Lady has her birthday on July 4th, and that is kind of fun.

But no matter how bad anyone claims their birthdate is, mine is the worst. Easily.

By far.

April Friggin' Fools Day.

Oh yeah, since forever, every time someone finds out when my birthday is, I hear some lame joke. People just can't help themselves.

Every possible combination of my mother, father, any member of the family tree, will be used in "You fooled them," or some other wacky twist of that.

Or, of course, "April Fool's Day? That figures."

And it wasn't limited to that. I rarely was ever just given my presents, it had to be some sort of stupid crap like hiding them, or giving me empty boxes. Hilarious the first time. After a few years, believe me, it got old.

"Just give me my damn socks and the 5 dollar bill, Grandma. I got shit to do," just didn't sound right coming from an 8 year old, but sometimes a kid's just gotta say something to stop those crazy relatives.

Well, help yourself to a piece of cake, and stop by tomorrow for the caption contest, birthday edition.



http://www.humorbloggers.com/

Monday Morning Meh

I have nothing to complain about today.

I am every bit as surprised as you by that. It's pouring rain outside, but since we got the roof fixed, that doesn't matter much. We no longer live in the house that used to flood when there was heavy rain, so that is fine, too.

Well, I'm not feeling really well, and erm but that isn't a big deal. I'm sure it will pass in a day or so.

I finished my taxes. Well, I don't do them, I gave them to my accountant, but at least they are turned in to her. She'll probably file them in a day or so, so that is ok.

The Crotchety Old Lady hasn't had any snow to shovel or grass to cut, so she is in a good mood, too.

About the only thing that needs attention is I have to pick out what I will have for dinner on Wednesday.

Mrs. Crotchety will make anything for me as long as she doesn't have to turn on the oven. Or she will go to any local restaurant to pick up what I want, but I can't think of anything I'd like.

Suggestions are welcome.

http://www.humorbloggers.com/

Anyone know where I can get some head paint?

Guess who is getting his own show on Discovery Channel?

"Hi! Billy Mays here for Crotchety's blog"

He'll be starring with some other hack in a reality TV show called "Pitchmen: Gadgets to Glory."


http://tinyurl.com/dy4w8k


Does anyone else remember when Discovery Channel used to provide some semblence of quality to their programming?
Between shows about really fat people, and strange family dynamics, they at least pretended to inform while entertaining. It looks like they have just about given up that pretense altogether.

By the way, as far as the post title--Ron Popeil used to sell spray on head paint for anyone who was in need of more hair, and didn't want to go for the fake look of a hairpiece.


http://www.humorbloggers.com/

Happy Saturday

I'm feeling left out. Jenn and Dani have both recently blogged about getting telemarketers calls. I do get them every few days from the timeshare people, but nobody else. The college never calls, the auto warranty people called once and hung up on me.

I miss those calls.

Just wanted to announce that Crazy Dani has a new website Celebsux which is dedicated to celebrities and the wackiness that defines them.

I've already posted a rant piece and Dani has put up a few. The Hussy is also a contributing editor. It should be interesting, to say the least.

Enjoy the weekend.


http://www.humorbloggers.com/

It's National Joe Day, Caption winner announced

Finally, it's here. I've been so excited waiting for this ever since...well, ever since I found out about it a couple of months ago.

Here are some details from the Church of Joe http://blog.joecartoon.com/?p=491 if you need more information about this most important Holiday.


Major Holiday or not, we at Crotchety Old Man World Wide Headquarters and Discount House of Worship do have some bidness to take care of today. The staff rushed to get everything done because it is only a half day so they can get ready for the Joe Day Festivities later.



We received over 60 captions, and it again proved to be a successful contest. Thanks to everyone who participated because you can't spell "caption contest" without a bunch of letters.

Plenty of points were scored as there were so many hilarious captions. Points were scored by LL, Alicia, ThinkingFyou, Shawn, Moooooog, Mr. New Dilemna, Free the Unicorms, Dizzblnd, Sadie, Jormen, Quirky, Dani, Nooter, Douglas, and Staci.


"This is what happens when the babysitter won't let me watch iCarly"
Jen of Redhead Ranting

was the winner.

A very close second went to Moooooog, and third was Staci.



Thanks to everyone for playing, and next Wednesday will be an extra special one.

Be afraid.


http://www.humorbloggers.com/

A Blast From the Past

Before I get to the post, I wanted to wish a happy birthday to blog regular Dizzblnd.

On to my story...

I wasn't always the kindly, soft spoken, gentle man I am today.

Stop snickering. Seriously.

I occasionally did some things that were kind of mean. And I'm not even counting the time I tried run some guy over with my truck. That bastage deserved to get run over. Oh, don't worry, he managed to get out of the way in time. I'm not typing this from Rahway State Prison.

Anyway, back when I worked repairing boilers and furnaces (I told you I had a lot of different jobs) we had one customer who owned a pretty decent sized apartment building. It was maybe 70 units or so.

It used to break down often as it was pretty old.
Because it was a big building, it was our priority, and any time we got a call, we dropped everything, and went right there. It was always at the top of the list. I hated the place. The boiler was huge, and about 10 times the size of a normal house one. The firing unit was nearly 10 times as large as a normal house one, and due to some weird design, usually came on with a bang that would all but scare the crap out of me.

So, that is just part of the setting. Couple it with the fact that the building was filled with mostly senior citizens, and the possibility for a bad ending to my tale starts to unfold.

Here is a typical day: I get the call. No heat, and I get the apartment number just in case it turns out to be one unit (which happened from time to time. Some old codgers consider anything under 80 to be "No heat.") I immediately head over to the apartment building.
While walking through the hallway, an old timer lets me know there is no heat. Because he probably figured I just happened to be out in the middle of January, strolling through the hallway, heading to the boiler room carrying a large tool box, and had no idea of the predictament. I would thank him, because I was still able to maintain at least a tiny smidgeon of politeness at that point.

Then, I would go into the boiler room, and begin to attack the beast with all my vo-tech school training skills and various wrenches. Stress level would approach yellow. Remember, the mention that this particular boiler was intimidating?

Ok, as I work on it, various seniors entered my inner sanctum--the boiler room, to let me know they had no heat--while I was working on the cold boiler.

Stress level climbs. Then the idiotic questions started.

Every. Friggin'. Time.

"What is wrong with it? How soon until you fix it? Why is it broken? Did you know we have no heat?"

By the third senior, and the same group of idiotic questions, I start to get pissed. Big time. I close the door to the room, they keep coming. The questions keep coming.

I politely suggest they get the "F" out of the room. But, they keep coming. Just like in some zombie movie, Crotchety Of The Near Dead, only instead of "brains" they mumble "Heat."

And there I was without a chain saw or a cricket bat.

Remember I told you I had a tool box? I carried a lot of wrenches. Wrenches were easy to throw at seniors who wouldn't leave me alone and if the walkers were hit just right, they made a rather pleasant "ping" sound.

Just sayin'.

One day, in particular, was a long one. I had to reload.

www.humorbloggers.com

Caption This: Celebration Weeks Edition

http://www.humorbloggers.com/

Two for Tuesday

Two for Tuesday is back due to popular demand. Ok, nobody demanded it, but it is about time something more useful than NJ's Brazilian Waxing laws information was posted.

Anyhow, here are two of my regular haunts.

The Crabby Blogging Lady (no relation) has tagged me as one of her friends with the "Let's Be Friends" Award. This works for me because she writes a very smart blog, as she displays wit and a good sense of fairness. Her blog covers a multitude of topics and each is presented logically, with just enough crabbiness to make me laugh. I'm supposed to tag 8 other bloggers, yadda, yadda, yadda. I'm not going to, but obviously, Reforming Geek is one fo my friends.

One blog I like to visit as she is one of our regular weekly picture captioning experts: Reforming Geek. Her blog is a personal life/humorblog that always gives me a reason to smile. Plus, she should get some type of award for making some really kick ass chocolate rum balls. I was the winner of one contest and that prize beat zucchini any day of the week.

Take the time and check out these two bloggers. I'm sure you'll enjoy both of them.

Stop by tomorrow for the weekly caption contest. We'll try to keep it Brazilian Waxing Free, but no guarantees will be given.

http://www.humorbloggers.com/

Important New Jersey News

Just in case you were planning to visit New Jersey this summer, this is important news. The Legislature has decided to allow Brazilian waxing.

According to an AP story
The state Cosmetology and Hairstyling Board proposed banning so-called "Brazilian" bikini waxing after two women were hospitalized for infections following the procedure.

On Friday, Consumer Affairs Director David Szuchman effectively killed the plan. In a letter to the board, Szuchman says he won't support the ban, and since his office oversees the board, the ban would never be approved.

While genital waxing has never been allowed in my fine state, it has never been prohibited. In fact, no state prohibits it.

New Jersey had the chance to leap to the forefront in protecting its citizens from the scourge of naughty bits waxing.

Actually, I'm kind of glad this was not pushed through. I prefer to keep the government out of our pants.

Maybe to celebrate one of my upcoming anniversaries, I'll get something waxed.

Either that, or we'll be marketing Crotchety's Bucket O' Brazilian Home Waxing Kit. Look for it in better stores and bodegas soon.

http://www.humorbloggers.com/

I'm Very Sorry

The Crotchety Old Lady has threatened me with bodily harm gently reminded me that pestering you, my favorite reader asking anyone for gifts commemorating my birth, my bloggiversary, or even National Joe Day, is in poor taste. She also yelled at the top of her lungs kindly suggested that perhaps I had enough useless crap I was blessed with all that I needed.

She also wanted me to let everyone know that she doesn't shop for my gifts at the Texaco station (despite the faint aroma of Hi-test) as plenty of places sell Slim Jims and car air fresheners. She also suggested that I wouldn't need as many car air fresheners if my diet didn't include so many Slim Jims, but that is a debate for another day.

It looks like I am going to have to write a letter to the birthday fairy to get everything on my list.


http://www.humorbloggers.com/

Isn't it weird how so many things all seem to happen in such a short period of time? Lumped into a two week period, St Joseph's Day (March 19,) National Joe Day (March 27,) my birthday (you know,) and my blogversary (April 2.) Weird how all that comes together.

So, it got me to thinking. I don't expect everyone to get me something for each of these traditional gift giving occasions, so it will be ok if you just give me some sort of combo gifts. Yeah, those of you who have birthdays near Holidays like my nephew Michael (December 26th) and my friend Kevin (December 24th) always seem to get screwed and get one gift and are told "This is for both days."

That sucks. But youse all know I'm not into the material things, and 4 gifts, well that would be generous of youse, but I don't really need much.

I have dropped one hint so far, so, to help you with this gift giving conundrum even more, I'll list a few more gifts that you could get me because I like to make it easy for you, and we are down to only 10 more shopping days.

After this week's corned beef and cabbage debacle, a gas mask would be perfect, though I think the Crotchety Old Lady would grab it before me, so maybe a his and her's set would be better.


I was thinking of starting a collection of "Beef Jerky States" and what better one than to start with than Minnesota? This is at ebay, so bid early and often if you want to surprise me with this.

And for the blogger on a budget


These ideas should help you in choosing a gift for me, and to prevent me from the awful task of regifting.


Don't be like the Crotchety Old Lady and the Spawn and be a last minute shopper at the Texaco station because I still have plenty of air fresheners and Slim Jims left over from Christmas.

http://www.humorbloggers.com/

Caption Winner Announced

The staff at Crotchety Old man World Wide Headquarters and Discount House of Worship had a lot of touble picking a clear winner this week. There were so many fine captions, and had to be over 60 to choose from. And so many were great except for any one that mentioned me in the caption. Those are not funny at all. Never.

And I had to explain that to the judges in between their guffaws and giggles.

This week, lots of captions received points including: Shawn, Shadow, Douglas, Rubbish, Jormen, Humor, Nooter, Amy, Reforming, Mike Foster, Jenn, Kirsten, I Hate, and Lauren.

But one winner did emerge:


It was on or about this time that we started hiding the Vicoden from Uncle Jim.

Moooooog35


Second place went to Amy, and third was a tie between Reforming Geek and Mike Foster.

Thanks to everyone for another terrific contest.

And, not to be forgotten, Our Mascot, Chester, is still in the clutches of the evil SLF.
Some of his lady fans at Humorbloggers have gotten together, and sent out a long distance dedication to let him know how much they miss him. I'm sure you'll enjoy this (and you'll never guess who has joined the hunt for Chester. Be afraid, SLF, be very afraid )
http://www.thehussyhousewife.com/2009/03/my-long-distance-dedication.html

http://www.humorbloggers.com/

Shmeat, it's What's for Dinner.

In our never ending quest to bring the newest information in science technology, the story of shmeat has been uncovered.
Ok, I was just watching Colbert and he did the story, and I'm following up for those of you who are burdened with such pesky things like jobs and raising families, and all around being productive types rather than being able to watch TV 16 hours a day. It's just one more thing I do because you are my favorite reader.

Here's the downlow on the future of Frankenfood: Vladimir Mironov, a biologist at the Medical University of South Carolina, is among a handful of scientists culturing meat from animal tissue. His work involves turning formless, textureless patches of the stuff into mass-produced form — like meat sheets, or what one might affectionately call "shmeat."

The "semi-living steak" (right) was made of embryonic sheep muscle cells that were grown on a polyester scaffold (left)

The possibilities are endless.
This will go well beyond recipes for shmeatloaf, or spaghetti and shmeatballs.

We will have to go back and change all the old advertising jingles.
MickeyD will have to change the Big Mac one to "2 all shmeat patties, special sauce..."

Wendy's will want to redo it's old "Where's the shmeat" campaign.

This could be a banner day for both wacky scientists and jingle writers alike.

Can you guess who is behind this search for lab grown meat?

Yup, PETA. This is their best idea since sea kittens.

On an unrelated note:
I had corned beef and cabbage Tuesday, and spent Wednesday

Poor Crotchety Old Lady

Lastly, a Happy St. Joseph's Day to my Goomba's.

Picture and some of the information source: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=90235492

http://www.humorbloggers.com/

Caption this; win zucchini

http://www.humorbloggers.com/

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Ok, I'm confused by the whole St Patrick's Day legends and rituals.

First, St Patrick was born to Roman parents, so, that would make him Italian. Second, he was born in Scotland or Wales, so he could be Welsh or Scottish. So, what the hell is up with all the Irish stuff?

And worse, what the hell is up with that dinner?

I go to my local Jewish Deli and get boiled spuds and boiled cabbage, along with some greasy beef. What kind of meal is that?


Now get serious here, wouldn't lasagna make for a better dinner? Add a loaf of garlic bread, maybe a little vino, and that beats the crap out of green beer and my Jewish Deli special dinner.

Now, I just have to convince the Crotchety Old Lady.

Looks like I'll be eating boiled potato and cabbage tonight.

But, at least the Jewish rye bread is really good.

Just for fun, here are some pictures and reviews of my local Jewish Deli (it's about 5 minutes from my house):

http://www.roadfood.com/Reviews/Overview.aspx?RefID=1344
http://www.supersizedmeals.com/food/article.php/20060425020924154

http://www.humorbloggers.com/

Those Wacky British Scientists

We have reported in the past about British scientists and the peculiar methodolgy used in solving the problems facing us in the 21st Century, such as ear wax.

So, what are they busy researching now?



That's right, tentacle dominance among the octupus.

Using Legos, and Rubik's Cubes, our intrepid British scientists, let's call then Nigel and Graham, have managed to get a grant to study this all important topic.

According to the Daily Mail Online, various toys are dropped into the water, and the octopuses (octopi?) are monitored to see which tentacle they use first to grab the toy to see if there is a dominant or favourite one.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1032700/Octopuses-given-Rubiks-Cubes-favourite-tentacle.html

This can only make one wonder exactly what is the long term plan?

Are we looking to create a new breed of super intelligent calamari?

Really smart sushi?

Or a baby sitter for Octomom?

I'm not sure about you, but I'd be pretty angry if my dinner could solve Rubik's Cube before I do.


http://www.humorbloggers.com/

Somebody has a birthday coming up soon

I don't currently have one of these, and you still have 16 more shopping days.


Just sayin'



www.humorbloggers.com

Have you ever been so close...

...to fulfilling your life's mission, and just came up a little short?

I was watching TV last night when suddenly--BAM--there it was. My search for purpose in life finally revealed itself.

And, are you ready for this, it will cost me 20 bucks to reach fulfillment. Talk about a deal and a half.

Here is the commercial that has changed my life:

https://www.buyesppower.com/flare/next

I have psychotic tendencies psychic abilities and may possess the awesome mental power to find suitcases filled with cash or to predict surprise parties. Though surely with the training from this course, I'll make a fortune from the lottery alone. Do you know how happy I'd be to miss by only one number? But don't worry, I'll only use the power of my mind for good, or to bend spoons like Uri Geller.

Bend it like Beckham, erm, Geller

You'd think he would make more money straightening spoons, but I'm still new to the whole "mind power" game.

So, how about fronting me the life changing 20 bucks? I'll pay you back the very first suitcase full of money I find.

No?

I knew you were going to say that.

Spooky, huh?

http://www.humorbloggers.com/

Caption winner announced

The staff at Crotchety Old Man World Wide Headquarters and Discount House of Worship had no trouble this week picking a winner.

While plenty of captions received votes, one stood out and got all but one judge's first place vote, and we'll get to that in a minute.

Points were scored by Marvel Goose, Humorsmith, Dutch Boy, Orion, Chica, Jormen, MME King, Moooooog, Matt, and the Fitness Diva.

And the Zucchini Award along with 500 EC credits are awarded to:




Augustus Gloop was disappointed to find that not everything in the Wonka factory tasted like chocolate.

Jenn Thorsen

The only other first place vote went to Reforming Geek, who placed second overall. Third went to Marvel Goose.

There were nearly 60 captions, so it was, once again, a great contest.

Thanks to everyone for participating. See you next Wednesday for another contest.

The blog was reviewed by the Rebellious Arab Girl. You can see the review right here:

http://www.rebelliousarabgirl.net/2009/03/12/yelling-at-cars-relieves-stress/

http://www.humorbloggers.com/

It's number 501

I wanted to take the time to thank my readers and commentors. I admit that I write for me, but without you, I wouldn't find it nearly as much fun. I wanted to list every regular, but, we get a couple hundred comments a week, and won't want to leave anyone out intentionally, so if you aren't mentioned, please understand it was an oversight, and I owe you one. Most bloggers write several blogs, so I picked the most well known, or at least the one I visit.

I wanted to do one of those nice little stories using blogs titles like Ettarose http://sanityonedge.blogspot.com/ does, but I'm not that talented.

So, instead I'm doing a shout out and quick mini blog review to anyone who posted on my "favorites" thread Monday, and as many of my regulars as I can remember. I highly recommend everyone read my regulars because obviously, they are able to recognize quality. To my readers and friends

Jen from http://redheadranting.com/ A humor writer relating her battles with cold winters, and balky appliances, and the occasional rant about exes and kids.

Lin from http://duckandwheelwithstring.blogspot.com/ Slice of life family humor blogger.


Kirsten from http://momjeansblogger.blogspot.com/ The uber soccer Mom/pimp.

Chica from http://lady-sarcasm.blogspot.com/ Talented photoshopper, with sarcasm to spare.

The Hawg from http://naturalhawg.blogspot.com/ Mixed bag, ranging from politics to music to humor, and everything in between.

Don from http://beyondleftfield.blogspot.com/ Humor with a sharp edge.

Marie from http://nourishourselves.blogspot.com/ Upbeat blog, and excels at, I swear, finding the funny side of MS.

http://commercialhate.blogspot.com/ We all hate commercials, finally, someone points out how stupid commercials can be.

Jenn from http://cabbages-n-kings.blogspot.com/ Don't tell the others, but this is my favorite. It's well written, and funny. And, my "go to" blog for zombie news.

Petra from http://thewiseyoungmommy.blogspot.com/ A Mommy blog that is funny and entertaining. Warning: Occasionally she posts some, erm, devices for wimmin, and she warns me in advance so I can read the post with my eyes closed.

The Reforming Geek from http://boomergeekgirl.blogspot.com/ Humor blog with slice of life viewpoints.

Andy from http://makeapound.blogspot.com/ Interesting look at ways to make blogs better from a technical standpoint, without a lot of the jargon.

Shinade from http://shinade.blogspot.com/ Her blog, the Painted Veil, is a place for relaxing and musing.

Moooooog from http://midgetmanofsteel.blogspot.com/ Humor blog. More adult in content.

Sandee from http://comedyplus.blogspot.com/ Features a quick joke or picture to start your day with a laugh.

Shadow Crystal from http://internettreasuretrove.blogspot.com/ Always interesting, usually humorous, look at life.

The Self Deprechaun from http://selfdeprechaun.blogspot.com/ Asian humor blogger living large in NYC. Always makes me feel better about myself.

Chat from http://www.witsbitch.com/ Remember the TV show That Girl, or Mary Tyler Moore? Then imagine if either one wrote a blog, and was actually funny. That would come close. Add in wimmin devices and stilettos, and it's pretty close.

Jormengrund from http://jormengrund-yetanotherdayinparadise.blogspot.com/ A daddy blogger, using family situations and good humor.

MA Fat Woman from http://reflectionsonamiddle-agedfatwoman.blogspot.com/ Another humorblogger, with lots of yard sales.

Lipstick from http://www.lipstickatthemailbox.com/ A Mommy blogger, and more.

Dani from http://www.momscrazylife.com/ A humor blog. Dani is a Mom of 6, but that ain't no effin Mom blog. (Hey, that's her tagline. I'm not being rude)

Dizzblnd from http://soggy-doggy-bloggy.blogspot.com/ Humorblog, with an awesome Madlibs game every Sunday.

Kelly from http://www.humorsmith.com/ Humorblogger often finding the funny in current events.

Chelle from http://www.offendedblogger.com/ Blogging the offended and the offensive because they are out there. Her tag line says it all.

Sherry from http://www.blondesherry.blogspot.com/ has a mixed bag. She writes a few blogs, including one that is more current events/political.

Paul from http://www.paulshealthblog.com/ which is a blog with health tips

Laura from http://www.junkfoodaholic.com/ A junk foodaholics journey to health.

FishHawk from http://asthecrackerheadcrumbles.blogspot.com/ one religious man's view of life

Lauren from http://canubapartofmylife.blogspot.com/ Her blog is dedicated to her dating life, and politics. And her cats. I'm sure there is a joke in that combination somewhere.

Claire from http://crpitt.blogspot.com/ One of the most talented doodlers I've ever seen. She also chronicles her quest for a degree, along with helping her Mum through some health challenges. And she does it with a sense of humor.

Janna from http://jannaverse.blogspot.com/ Extremely funny blog. Creative, and not to be missed. Creator of the Jannapedia. This is the blog I steal more ideas from than any other.

Kate from http://onlifeasiknowit.blogspot.com/ A blog with attitude. Celebrities can be hilarious when they aren't trying to be.

Michelle from http://rawcool46.blogspot.com/ A blog with raw food tips, running stories, and all around life lessons.

Jamie, the Hussy Housewife from http://jamieandtnt.blogspot.com/ writes a humor blog and makes some awesome videos.

Kathy from http://www.junkdrawerblog.com/ writes a personal humor blog, and provides a chance to giggle at the silly little things we all see, and forget to laugh at.

William from http://deadrooster.com/ Another well written humor blog, and Bill often is the victim of his wit. His bed head post is classic.

Swirl Girl from http://swirlgirlspearls.blogspot.com/ A Mom Blog, with some style.

Hindleyite from http://retroyakking.today.com/ A humor blogger from England. Uses local, yet universal humor.

And last, but certainly not least, Charmaine from http://charmaine-greymatters.blogspot.com/
A blog dedicated to middle aged dating. Charmaine is very funny and honest.

I wanted to thank everyone for visiting and for writing great blogs. Thanks for the inspiration, the assistance, and the friendship.

Let's get together and do this again at post 1001.

http://www.humorbloggers.com/

Caption This

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I'm Being Cyber Stalked...

...but it would be more a victim precipitated stalking.

It is all my fault. When I get bored, which happens pretty frequently, I start poking around the internet and partially sign up for crap.

A few months ago, I looked into a program for the Biggest Loser put together by Jillian, the rather cranky trainer on the show. I decided to decline for several reasons, the largest of which meant I'd have to actually get off my butt and do something, which seriously would cut into my precious little available goofing off time.

This handy diagram shows just how little time I would have to, you know, exercise and do healthy stuff



Blue: Sleep
Other Blue: Nap
Orange: Watch TV
Green: All Things Blogging
Red: Google Search for Weird Pictures


It is clear that no free time is available. *sigh*

So, I stopped the whole thing, and Jillian has been sending me notes ever since. And I can assure you they are mean. I'm even a bit afraid of her. It's bad enough when I get yelled at by the Crotchety Old Lady, but getting cyber yelled at by Jillian makes me afraid to open my emails.

Besides, I'm in shape. Round is a shape, right?

And now, I'm getting stalked by Netflix. I broke up with Netflix 2 months or so ago. I gave them the "It's not you, it's me, speech," and I really thought they had moved on. But no, every couple weeks, they send me a little note telling me how much they miss me and want me back.

Lastly, I continue to get notes from various internet dating sites letting me know that Monica, or Debbie, or some other old classmate is searching for me. I'm sure most men would be quite excited by such news, but regular readers know that I attended St Rocko's High School (School Motto: We have our own cemetery) which was a high school for males only.

Do I want to open those emails?

http://www.humorbloggers.com/

The Countdown Begins

This is part of the countdown to the 500th post.

I've picked my favorite posts, which is tough because they are all like my children, and I love each post equally. But, some are more equal than others.

If you have time, check out these posts, and pick your favorite. I'll do something for my wonderful commentors on my 500th post.

Actually, it will be post 501, because 500 falls on a Wednesday, and that is already a special day, so post 501 on Thursday will be specialer.

1. http://crotchety-old-man-yells-at-cars.blogspot.com/2008/12/saturday-morning-weirdness-post.html

2. http://crotchety-old-man-yells-at-cars.blogspot.com/2008/08/growing-up-dorky.html

3. http://crotchety-old-man-yells-at-cars.blogspot.com/2008/07/great-naughty-bits-debacle.html

4. http://crotchety-old-man-yells-at-cars.blogspot.com/2008/06/business-meetings-101_20.html

5. http://crotchety-old-man-yells-at-cars.blogspot.com/2008/06/cocktails-for-two.html



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My new house

I'm trying to talk the Crotchety Old Lady into buying a second home. She complains about shoveling the walk, so what could be better than a house without one?



I'm just messing with you. I'm actually trying to talk her into buying this one



Nice little mountain bunker in Pennsylvania, in the Poconos.

Get some wind turbines, and get it off the grid totally. I'll be moving toward adopting an Amish lifestyle.
Just have to figure out how to keep my internet connection.


And find a reputable mongoose supplier, as snakes scare the poop out of me.

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Humor Bloggers Are Artists

The Humorbloggers are doing a Carnival, Humorbloggers are Artists. Ok, usually, my art is in making you laugh. At least smile. Would you believe a slight chuckle?
Anyway, I like creating art, and usually it is really bad. But today, I made a little piece, which I've titled "Untitled." It is said good art should move you, bad art looks like your movement.

My painting made me happy. And then I went to look at some paintings by other famous artists. Either I am one unbelievably talented artist, or they suck as badly as I do. Can you identify the other artists?











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Caption Winner Announced

The staff at Crotchety Old Man World Wide Headquarters and Discount House of Worship got together and reached a decision for the caption this week that was, well, let's just say if I actually paid them, I'd dock their pay this week. You'll see why in a few minutes.

Anyway, we received over 60 captions, so the job was a difficult one.

Some first place votes were scored by Swirl Girl, MA Fat Woman, and Rubbish. Others impressing the judges and scoring poiunts were Etta, VE, Shadow, Joel, Moooog, Paotie, Drty Grty, Dan, Nancy, Bonnie Story, and Petra.


Mrs Crotchety Old Man, "and when you finish those dishes come rub my feet!"
Sheila Sultani

Wins


Let me know which blog you would like featured.

Second place went to Mooog, and third went to Swirl Girl.

Thanks again to everyone for making this another successful week.


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Important Recycling Tip

It has come to our attention that certain citizens have not been following proper recycling procedures. A recent UPI story relates of a 76 year old NJ woman who was found in a recycling bin.

http://tinyurl.com/b8kj9v



Oh sure, "they" claim it was an "accident," but we don't buy it.

Now, we are all in favor of recycling and responsible usage of our planet's resources, but when we start throwing away perfectly good old ladies, then it is time to take a stand, and I, for one, am doing so.

This must stop immediately.

Thank you for your cooperation. The Grandma you save may be your own.


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Caption this: win Zucchini

Entrecard credits and Zucchini for the winner. Good luck!




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Whatsis revealed

Lots of good guesses, and some came pretty close. But no one knew that these



are erm, reusable toilet paper/wipes.

http://living.wallypop.net/wipes.html



Stop that.

You're the one who was all into "going green."

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Good Monday Morning

No one guessed the Whatsis from Sunday, so I'll leave it up as a mystery a bit longer.

But I will give a couple hints.

1. They are about the size of a pot holder.
2. Unless you are really new to the blog, do you really think I'd post a picture of a baby's bib?

Next, our beloved mascot and spiritual advisor was kidnapped from Humobloggersdotcom. If you'd like to help find him, click below the Wanted Poster or come to our site and look for clues. Everyone is welcome to help find Chester the Jester.



Want to help save Chester?

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Sunday morning whatsis

Can you guess what these are?





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