Sunday, January 16, 2011

In trouble again

I know youse won't believe it, but Mrs. C is angry with me. And what did I do? Nothing, as usual.

I'm a victim of circumstances.

I bought a new power wheelchair that she claims she knew nothing about. I'm really sure she was told about the giant red chair now sitting in the middle of our kitchen. When she said it was in the way, I offered to teach her how to drive it so she could move around in the kitchen. But she got more angry.

And it takes a while to learn how to control it and I promised to replace all the flowers I ruined when I knocked over the plant stand. I sure as heck can't do anything about the irreplaceble stand itself. And it's not bad, just a few gashes. It gives it character. Perhaps her late father should have installed bumper guards when he built it 45 years ago. It would have prevented the whole ugly mess. So it's really his fault.

She didn't buy that either.

To try to make it up to her, even though I did no wrong, I asked her to make me pancakes for breakfast. She grumbled something (probably "sure, my love") and while she was making my bed, I complimented her for doing it so well. And there was that mumbling again.

I'm in the doghouse so often, I should put shag carpeting and a big screen TV in there.

By the way, I answer your comments when I can. When I don't I'm not being rude, it's just I'm in so much pain it's impossible to spend that much time at the 'puter. If I get my stoopid laptop fixed, that will change things. Right now, I can't use the h,b,n keys on it. That would make my gibberish even less decipherable.


f82bfat said...

45 years old! time for a new plant stand. old furniture is way over rated. maybe you should plop mrs. c on your lap in the big red chair and see if she likes what pops up. give her a reverse lap dance. hey...I'm first this time.

Ami said...

Shag carpeting will just get wrapped around the axles of your chair.

Go with some nice bamboo flooring and a couple scatter rugs. Which you can steer around as a sort of obstacle course.

The rehab place I used to work in was a blast. Those wacky guys in the wheelchair repair department could get the power chairs so hopped up they'd jump a curb. They used to have races in the warehouse.

If you have to take your chair in for repairs, insist on keeping an eye on it the whole time.
Just sayin'.

ReformingGeek said...

YEEHAW! A flying wheelchair!!!!

Have fun.

Oh. Sorry, Mrs. C. I'll send flowers.

Sandee said...

Get that shag carpet and that big screen television in your doghouse right now. I'm thinking you're going to be living there permanently. Just saying.

Have a terrific day. :)

LL said...

She really just doesn't appreciate you, does she...

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Donnie said...

Can't say that I'd be happy with you either. I mean were it me I would be demanding lessons. I could have some fun on one of those! Think of all of the people you could piss off without getting hit back. Zowiee!

A New Yorker said...

Poor Crotchety. Feel better soon.

Willy said...

You better be careful.

10-4 Willy

Anonymous said...

Loved hearing about the new wheelchair. Sorry about the plants, but now she has an excuse to buy some new ones.

HumorSmith said...

Good to have you back again Joe! And I think red's a great color for a wheelchair. Matches your eyes.

I Wonder Wye said...

Just let her tell you that you're an idiot and she'd feel so much better...

elasticfantastic said...

Hello Mr Crochety

I have never commented before but I have read your posts for a very long time. I think I never did before as it always sounded like you were addressing real friends, real people, not interwebz weirdos (no offence pls)

I just wanted to say I think you're swell.

And for some reason, seeing as I don't know you or have never met you (which go hand in hand) You just make me feel positive about every blinking thing.



But anyways, you're pretty cool so keep on being you, you'd score 10/10 in a poll (no, I cannot name what sort of poll). :-)