Snow again GRRRRRRR

Before today's Pulitzer Prize worthy blog post, here's the rant of the day. We got a bit of snow here, about 6". That didn't stop NYC Mayor Mike (quick get a camera crew) Bloomberg from holding a press conference about the snow! This guy is becoming a pain in the ass, and I'm not even in New York.

Here's today's irregularly scheduled post:

Last week, the lottery hit a third of a billion dollars. Since my retirement plan is a dollar and a dream, I started to imagine what I'd do if I won. Here's my list:
Buy
1. Fur toilet seats for cold mornings
2. Solid gold snow shovel for Mrs. C (she does deseve the best)
3. A Rolls Royce and have it modified into a pick up truck, with a gun rack.
4. A new home with a moat and drawbridge.
5. An Italian restuarant, so I can have seating for 12 when the Mrs and I go out. I like to move around when I eat.

Hire:
1b. A security force (army) of clowns armed with Uzis that shoot silly string.
2b. 1000 Elvis impersonators to sing Happy Birthday to me every morning.
3b. A baker to bake the world's largest coconut cream pie. (Why? Remember that army of clowns?)

Lastly, I'd acquire a few towns, and rename them after body parts.
Like Naughty Bits, Kentucky. Nah, I'd probably name them all Naughty Bits. I'd also send a check for $3.92 each to all my regular commentors like Sandee, Maritess, MB, LL, Reffie, Janna, Don, and FishHawk.



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Crotchety's Tips for winter

We have gotten hit with snow storms recently, and it's time to share some of my sure fire helpful tips for dealing with harsh weather.

It should be pointed out that shoveling snow is very good exercise, and helps the Crotchety Old Lady keep her womanly, if slightly Rubenesque, figure. I'm sure she appreciates the opportunity to get in a nice workout in what is usually a time of the year that many find it hard to do so.



First, before going out to shovel snow, it is important to have a good breakfast. This is the most important meal of the day, and can't be stressed too much. So, after I make my breakfast, I insist that the Crotchety Old Lady make herself something that will stick to her ribs like oatmeal or eggs. After she finishes the dishes, it is vital that she dress for the weather. I don't want her to catch a cold or something that will wind up forcing her to be laid up in bed or to miss work.

Layers are crucial. Bulky coats make it hard to shovel, and as she works up a sweat, she could get too warm, which is nearly as dangerous as being too cold.

And don't forget proper equipment. The Crotchety Old Lady deserves the best that money can buy, so I got her

Nothing is too good for her

Once she is ready to face the elements, I make sure that she has her earmuffs, mittens, scarf, and a warm hat.

And then comes the most essential part--I encourage her to go out and shovel the walkways. That's right, the key element in snow removal is mine as "The Encourager."

I remind her to take out the brush for cleaning off my car, and shove help her out the door.

A few hours later, after cleaning the walks and properly salting them, and cleaning the car, she comes in and the first thing I do is remind her to make some tea. It will help warm her up, and, well, opening the door gives me a slight chill. So, it's kind of win-win. And it gives her a chance to do something for me, which she really enjoys.

But, of course, I do tend to rush her a bit because she needs to go to work. And she'll appreciate that the walkways are nice and clean, too.

You are probably thinking that I do too much for her, but she deserves it. And by now, everyone knows I just give and give, it's just my nature.


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