Saturday, August 01, 2009

I Want My MTV

I had the TV in the hospital, and for a mere $4 a day I had access to entire network of about 20 channels including the Breastfeeding Channel and the Stained Glass Window Channel.

The Stained Glass Window Channel showed a stained glass window for 23 1/2 hours a day, and for 30 minutes had inspirational religious progamming. The Breastfeeding Channel is the porn channel.

Now in rehab, I have Dish TV, with CBS, NBC, ABC, Fox, WOR, WPIX, Discovery, another Discovery, TLC, USA, TBS, some Spanish channel, and 3 Hindi channels. And Dish TV is awful. If there is a chance of rain, it goes out and becomes the "satellite is searching for a signal network."

I miss my days of sitting on the couch (RIP...sigh) and flipping endlessly through my hundred or so favorites, watching Magilla Gorilla, and Spongebob, and Beaver, and Reno 911 (my cable channels are awesome) thinking my joy would have no end.

Me and my remote--what a team.

When I get out of here, I'll be spending some quality time getting reaquianted with my TV.

I've written a haiku for my TV

My cable TV
Bringer of such happiness
I miss you so much

Can't you feel the longing and the love?


Melanie said...

There is nothing as special as the bond between a man and his tv. I hope you are reunited again soon!

Lin said...

It's not the health issues that are affecting your brain, Joe. It's the darned junk on TV--or the lack thereof! Didn't your mother tell you that TV rots your brain???!

Hey, went to the game last night and had a cold one for you. You know--the White Sox vs. Yankees game. It was very exciting with lots happening. Full house and lots of Yankee fans screaming. We had great seats and were lucky to get them. Did you watch the game or don't you get that on TV either??

Unknown said...

That breastfeeding channel sure puts a whole new spin on the term, "the boob tube." Sorry, I've been hanging out here too long. I just couldn't resist.

Secondary Roads said...

you wrote a haiku,
that shows your brain is working.
You are on the mend.

Daytime T. V. sucks.
It rots your whole brain away,
From the inside out.


nonamedufus said...

DOM, I feel for you. You'll appreciate this...
After spending all day watching football, I fell asleep in front of the TV and spent the whole night in the chair. In the morning, my wife woke me up.

"Get up dear," she said, "it's 20 to seven."

I awoke with a start and said, "In who's favor?"

Donnie said...

I know what you mean. This morning I get a little Beaver and Andy and Barney. Now what better way to spend a day. Even more important if you're stuck in a hospital/rehab.

Kathy said...

One of the reasons I wanted my laptop on a recent vacation where I stayed at a televisionless B&B was to have Hulu access. It saved my life.

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately I've seen the breastfeeding channel. Unfortunately, because it was my sister. YIKES! Didn't need to see that.

So I feel for you, I really do.

LL said...

*sniff* The heartwarming tale of a man and his boob tube. I think I'll spend all day clicking through my channels in honor of you.

Patricia Rockwell said...

Well, I have a husband so I know of what you speak.

Unknown said...

hehehe, you are such a goof

Anonymous said...

Aw DOM don't worry I'll watch plenty of tv for you!

AND to Noname that was a funny!

Chris said...

At least you didn't have to watch the last two Yankee games . . . ick.

That said, I feel for ya, man, I really do.

brokenteepee said...

Now you know how I feel since I had to go back to the basic satellite package. Kids, church and QVC. That's it.

And we get a lot of searching for satellite too.

Moonrayvenne said...

Not only do you have to get reaquainted with your tv, you also have to go couch shopping. Testing out those couches will be such hard work...LOL!

ReformingGeek said...

I'm so sorry, Crotchety. I'm sure your TV is missing you, too!

A New Yorker said...

TV's over rated. I think you should invest in some condoms and get busy!

Janna said...

More haiku for you:

The remote awaits
Longing for your surfing touch
It's been far too long

You must come home soon
Magilla Gorilla says
Spongebob misses you

Now we need to have
The Crotchety Old Man Show
So we can see you!

D.S. said...

Just be lucky you don't get MTV, its become a human travesty. I wouldn't force Gitmo prisoners to watch it.

Unknown said...

If it bothers you this much to be without your cable and Spongebob, think how much they miss YOU! Get busy getting better so you can get home!

Mrs Sweetwater said... withdrawl, awwwww

Sandee said...

Whatever blows your hospital gown up Crotchety. I hope you get home soon so you both can reacquaint yourselves. I'm sure your TV misses you too.

Have a terrific day. :)

Kirsten said...

Your haiku brought tears to my eyes! Don't worry, your tv will be back in your life soon!