Sunday, May 17, 2009

Saving TV for Future Generations

Sing it with me

"Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip,
That started from this tropic port, aboard this tiny ship.
The mate was a mighty sailin' man, the Skipper brave and sure.
Five passengers set sail that day for a three hour tour. A three hour tour."

Nearly every one of us knows the words and the melody of the Gilligan's Island Theme. The show unites us, hell, it unites generations as we watch reruns years after the fact and wonder if Gilligan and company will ever get off the island.

Remember the episode where they almost got rescued, but Gilligan screwed it up? We all do.

Today, it seems, every show is a reality show (ok, some producer's idea of reality. How often do you get trapped in a remote part of the world, or go for a 14 week job interview, or take a tour bus to find a mate?) Feh!

So, the staff at Crotchety Old Man World Wide Headquarters Entertainment Division is hard at work developing new TV programming. Eventually, we'll have an entire lineup, but wanted to give you a peak at what we have so far.

Our first thought was "Game Show." Outside of the Price Is Right, with Drew Carey, game shows are all but gone from the TV lineup. Ok, I suppose there is Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune, but they have been on so long and are boring. Trivia questions and a stupid wheel? How 1971!

Our idea?


Loosely based on the kids game of the same name, but will be more fun to watch in a game show format. By identifying TV doctors Photobucket

and playing "Does this look infected to you?"
contestants are able to win the operation or enhancement of their choice.

Our next offering is a traditional sitcom. Ever wonder what happens to Hooters waitresses once they are no longer perky? Think of a combination of Cheers and the Golden Girls, and you have


Serving up wings, brews, and laughs
The weekly series should provide plenty of giggles as the 3 leading ladies serve customers a huge order of snarky banter while living life to the fullest as working senior citizens. Currently we are negotiating with Cloris Leachman, Angela Lansbury, and the late Estelle Getty to play the waitresses in the ensemble cast. Abe Vigoda is expected to have a recurring role as Mort, the handyman.

The staff seems to be doing a good job so far. Are you as excited by this new venture as we are?


Anonymous said...


Yes...somewhere tv theme songs just rolled over and died!

Sad, sad times, we live in.

I lurved Gilligan!

Squidsquirts said...

Ooh! Post-coincidence: My vote is for a show where people actually do move their bowels, and have to shop for toilet paper, clen the loo, and need to spray air freshener.

A New Yorker said...

I like the idea of droopers. But in my mind they're men in their mid 40's because we all know that's when THEY start to droop!

Michelle said...

Yes I am excited. I would love to watch Operation.


Joel Klebanoff said...

I might have to subscribe to cable again unless you'll make your programming available over the Web.

Donnie said...

You have a real plan with "Droopers". I'll support that one!

Chelle Blögger said...

Can we have a reality show with nothing but hot men in kilts?

Straight men, though. There aren't enough of them on TV anymore. :)

Unknown said...

yay, bringing back the game shows!

Nooter said...

yes yes game shows are fun. how about one called 'hide the snausage'

Phillipia said...

I may actually start watching tv again!

brokenteepee said...

I am quite offended that you did not create a show starring a goat. I would think that after all this time TV would be ready for a goat.

Da Old Man said...

@ Quirky: TV shows today rarely have themes. They were such an important part of old TV shows.

@ Husbands Anon: The ultimate in reality TV.

@ Lauren: Not as interesting. Old men are too gassy.

@ Michelle: I think it will be a big hit, too.

@ Joel: It should be over the 'net to develop a big audience.

@ Don: It sounds like a winner to me.

@ Offended: Just need a good title and I'll get the development team on it.

@ PJ: We need good game shows.

@ Nooter: I need to contact Animal Planet to see if we can get that on the scedule

@ Phillipia: Now I know I'm on to something, then.

@ Pricilla: I did notice that we need a CSI type show. How good are goats at solving crimes? Or, would a goat simply blame Abby for everything?

nipsy said...

*Sigh* They just don't make em like the good ol' days anymore. Now thanks to you, I'm walking around singing the Gilligan song, while my kids harass me about what show that came from.

nonamedufus said...

"Droopers", ha, I love it. Perhaps with cameos from Pamela Anderson, Selma Hayek and Natalie Portman? That'd be the breast, er, ah best show ever, Crochety.

ReformingGeek said...

Yes, we are getting desperate for some good TV programs.

What about something for the ladies? We need Cougar Camp, a place where older women learn how to be cougars. There needs to be a supply of younger, firmer men available as the judges of course!

Da Old Man said...

@ Nipsy: What do kids know?

@ Nonamed: May be a couple years before they show up

@ Reforming: If we have a reality show, that may be the one.

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

So do we just keep our eyes peeled for the announcement of the new COM network? This is gonna be all commerical-free programming, right?

Da Old Man said...

@ Nanny: Of course it will be commercial free. Except, of course, for ShamWow.

brokenteepee said...

Abby IS at fault for everything...duh!

Michiganderlady said...

BAH...I was eating when I came across that foot really should warn us of stuff like that. :)