Sunday, June 14, 2009

Brain Damaged

Ever get some things into your brain, and you just can't get rid of them?

There is a song that I can not hear, for if I do, it won't leave my brain for weeks on end. I can't get it out, it just rattles around in there. And it's a bad song, which is even worse. And, I can't even repeat a single bar of it because if I do, I'll have to do an a capella version of it, and it will become stuck for weeks.

I was going to tell you the name of the song, but my fear is too great. Only a very few individuals know of this song. It's my kryptonite. Or it would be if I had any superpowers.

But, here is a really weird, embarassing secret: about 25 years ago, I used to work part time delivering pizza. Ok, that's not the embarassing part.

You know how lots of porn movies start with the pizza guy showing up?

Well, I have my own pornish story. It features nudity, and lots of innuendo, so please have kids leave the room.

Sadly, it does not elicit happy memories, ya bunch of pervs. It's one of those things I'd rather forget.

One night, my last delivery was to the nurse's station at a nursing home. A delivery to the nurses. Yeah, I know, this story is getting good. And everyone knows how much I like nurses.

Boom shakalaka mouw mouw.

I went to the nurses station, and waited for Nurse Hotstuff to pick up her dinner, when suddenly, I heard a female voice yell out, "Hey, come here!"

Woohoo, I thought.

I looked to my right, and who was busy stripping off her clothes?

You were expecting Pam Anderson?

I seriously considered becoming a monk that day.

And I really need some brain bleach, now.

Have a Happy Flag Day.Photobucket


Kelly Ann said...

I worked as a CNA for two years, and I'll tell ya what Joe, you ain't seen nothing until you have to actually wipe that area up, with man and women. *shudders*

Me-Me King said...

Have you tried mental floss? I hear it works pretty well. It erases bad memories, annoying tunes and it also clears out the cobwebs.

Chris said...

Thanks for sharing that, Crotchety. Now it's stuck in MY head.

Anonymous said...

But wait!

You didn't say whether or not you did the horizontal mambo with the "lady."

heh heh

Janna said...

Now I simply MUST know what the song is...

Punch said...

I'm with Janna, rather have the song than that visual image stuck in my head.

Unknown said...

How scary is that? Did your corneas get burned?

Maybe if you hum a few bars for us.. it will go from your head to ours and leave you alone. Thats what I do to all of my friends. It works!

nonamedufus said...

But, what happened to the pizza??? And, did ya get a good tip?

nipsy said...

I was the Shower Aide for 3 months in a nursing home. Its a miracle I am not blind or madly insane to this day.

Oh, and the song for me was that damn pizza commercial that plays "Hey Mambo, Mambo Italiano"..crap, now I'm singing it again the kids are gonna kill me.

ReformingGeek said...

Having to see my mom uncovered while in the hospital was bad enough for me. Man, I need a positive thoughts boost this morning. I'm going to see if Quirky has any cheesecake.

brokenteepee said...

Hmm, this goat does not know what to say. She does not. She is gonna go eat some grass, burp and go to sleep in the sun.


Alicia aka "Fashiona" said...

What a lovely visual and right before lunch(

DouglasDyer said...

It's a bad song? I guess that rules out everything by Anne Murray and El Debarge. My guess is "Rocky Mountain High".

Unknown said...

Funny, I can remember the newspaper story being that it was the pizza deliver boy who showed up stark naked. I could be thinking of another incident, of course.

Swirl Girl said...

Was that song playing at the nursing home? Is that why it brings back such oogy memories??
(englebert humperdink?)

Da Old Man said...

@ Lady Sarcasm: I was in rehab for a foot surgery and saw even more nekkid old ladies, but by that time I was kind of immune, I think.

@ Me-Me: I wish

@ Chris: You can handle it.

@ Quirky: Great, I just had a flashback, and threw up a little in my mouth.

@ Janna: If I did, I'd feel obligated to find a clip, then the cycle would start. See next response, if you dare.

@ Punch: Ok, but I take no responsibility if this terrible song gets stuck in both your heads. I wash my hands of "The Night Chicago Died" by Paper Lace.

@ Dizz: I hope this song has now left my mind forever.

@ Nonamed: Lousy tip, too.

@ Nipsy: That song is kind of happily annoying. Mine is frightening.

@ Reforming: MMMMM, cheesecake.

@ Pricilla: Good plan

@ Alicia: It is a dietary aid.

@ Douglas: I mentioned it up above. I'd advise yopu to not look for it, but if you really need to know...

Da Old Man said...

@ FishHawk: It was another story. Now, if it was about a drunken pizza guy...

@ Swirl Girl: Nope, just s terrible song.

Anonymous said...

Lordy, aren't we old folks fun!

Marsha said...

It's "Dancing Queen" isn't it? The Oscar Mayer Wiener song? Aw come on. You can tell us. We promise we won't post about it on our blogs. ;)

Donnie said...

Boom shakalaka mouw mouw? 'Brick House'? The Commodores? Oh geez thanks. Now I'll be singing that for a month. Sometimes Joe you just won't do.

Marie said...

lol My first job after nursing school was in a nursing home. I LOVED my patients. They were a hoot. Yep, we had strippers. We had everything. And it was a Methodist home, so most of these people had been devout, upstanding members of the Ocean Grove Methodist elite.

It cracked me up that they were finally letting their hair down. Albeit unknowingly. lol

Sorry you were traumatized, though, Joe. :(

Janna said...

"The Night Chicago Died"??
Since I'm not all that familiar with that song, I went and looked it up on YouTube.
Listening to it right now, in fact.
Yeahhh.... it is kinda lousy. It reeks of the 70's.
Fortunately, I don't really find it catchy enough to "stick" in my brain.

But here, I'll include the link for you if you want to
go listen to it again... can you resist? Can you?
Can you?

I'm usually not an evil person.

Da Old Man said...

@ Grace: Pretty much

@ Marsha: Nope

@ Don: I know

@ Marie: I still have nightmares about it.

@ Janna: That is just cruel. I will not click that link. Nope. No way, no how.

A New Yorker said...

Hmmm not sure what's worse, the fact that I have the opposite problem and am always trying to remember to remember or yours...I think yours! ;p

Anne said...

You should have posted a video of the song so it would be stuck in the heads of all your readers. You could have started some type of movement (maybe a movement of people distracted by a bad song?).

Your old lady story is kind of scary. Maybe you will find her hot in about 50 years :).

Happy flag day to you too!

Charmaine said...

Ewe. You have just polluted my "inner landscape".

I love saying that.

Jessie said...

Crotchety,Im terribly sorry for you seeing the nekkid old ladyness...*shudder*

and The night chicago died,is a cool song...but what can I say,Im a sucker for songs that tell a story with a catchy beat.
hmm to get rid of the old song,you have to get a new song in i link you to

thank you Marsha

Jessie said...

Just the thought of the old lady..disrobing..*shudder*

and The night chicago died is a cool song.But Im a sucker for songs that tell a story to a Catchy beat..Well you need something to chase the old song away so..

Crabby Blogging Lady said...

So... a lot of porn movies start off with a pizza guy, huh? Now just HOW would you know that, huh?!

Anonymous said...

Good day!
Just found this site and thought it might be useful to chat to people who are trying to accomplish the same as me!

I spend too much of my life on the internet and look forward to chatting to you all and picking up and sharing ideas along the way!

Peace out.

Anonymous said...


Im new to the site. really looking forward to meeting new people, seeing what they have to say and just really chilling on some social network other than facebook. bleh. like i said, i am me, now who are you?

thanks, Dennis from [url=]Online Payday Loans[/url] website!

Anonymous said...

A comprehensive good physical condition program tailored to an person wish probably core on harmonious or more specific skills, and on age-[3] or health-related needs such as bone health.[4] Innumerable sources[citation needed] also cite mental, common and nervous fettle as an superior ingredient of all-inclusive fitness. This is over presented in textbooks as a triangle made up of three points, which represent true, nervous, and frame of mind fitness. Bones seemliness can also hamper or act towards multifarious inveterate fitness conditions brought on by way of detrimental lifestyle or aging.[5] Working discernible can also serve people saw wood better. To visit healthy it is important to preoccupy in navy surgeon activity.

Certain or task-oriented [url=]fitness[/url] is a living soul's power to complete in a determined enterprise with a tolerable know-how: after sample, sports or military service. Spelled out training prepares athletes to put on stream in their sports.

Examples are:

400 m sprint: in a sprint the athlete requirement be trained to master-work anaerobically from one end to the other the race.
Marathon: in this case the athlete must be trained to work aerobically and their perseverance must be built-up to a maximum.
Divers run a risk fighters and patrol officers sustain typical tone testing to act on if they are capable of the physically demanding tasks required of the job.
Members of the Partnership States Army and Army National Convoy must be masterly to pass the Army Palpable Good shape Check-up (APFT).