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I haven’t always been the bon vivant and manly man of the world that I am today. At one time, believe it or not, I was a dork.
Oh yeah, I know you are finding that hard to believe, with me being a star high school athlete and everything. You never knew I was an athlete, did you?
Varsity chess, baby. My senior year, I even played second board most tournaments and occasionally first board. For those of you not familiar with chess team play, that is like being the star running back of the football team, or the third batter on the baseball team. And on sports awards night, I was given a varsity letter.
That’s why I got all the babes. Nothing turns on a cheerleader more than seeing a felt castle looking thing on your high school jacket.
Sorry to get the ladies so worked up
I’m the George Washington of bloggers. I know I write a lot of improbable things here, but, the overwhelming majority of it is 100% sorta true. I may exaggerate a bit for comedic effect at times, but my life is messed up enough that it isn’t necessary that often.
For instance, I never really got that many babes. I know that’s hard to believe with me being so darned studly today.
I always considered myself to be Wile E. Coyote, Super Genius, but I was more like
“Loopy Doopy Doopah Doopah do“
Yeah. I hate to admit it, but a lot used to get by me.
Like one time, I was in the grocery store, and my friend introduced me to his co-worker. Let’s call her Sally, mainly because I have no idea what her name was. He then went off to stock potato chips, or whatever he was doing before I stopped by.
So, it was just me and Sally in aisle 8. After cracking a joke or two--I was smooth--she put her hand down my pants. I stopped her, it was the middle of the grocery store with shoppers all around, after all. So anyway, later I was telling my friend about it. He thought it meant she liked me, and would be interested in going out or something.
I told him, and I swear I’m not making this up, “No, she was just a friendly girl.”
I never asked her out because
Believe it or don’t, but this has actually happened a couple times in my life. No, not the hands down the pants thing, but women giving me signals that I missed. That’s why I feel so badly for women and have helped them try to understand the male mind.
I only wish someone would try to help me understand the female mind.
By the way, I was a guest blogger on a sports blog yesterday. You can read here about my hatred of the Red Sox.
http://tommybuettnerbloggingbaseball.blogspot.com/2008/08/guest-blog.html
Coming tomorrow: Caption this
Humor-Blogs.com
