Can't Swing a Dead Cat without Hitting Moron

I know I don't live among the illuminati. If only I lived just one mile away, I would be in a town of folks who are much smarter than I am, and they can prove it. The local Post Office is the Brainy Boro office. You can't make this stuff up. They won the title years ago because in some contest, sponsored by the New York Times or some other rag, they proved more intelligent people lived in that town than any other, and won claim to the title "The Brainy Boro."

Yeah, I know, sounds more like they lost, but apparently, they were pretty darned happy about it, and stuck the moniker on a few buildings like the P.O.

But back to the knuckledragging maroons I deal with on a regular basis.

I've posted pictures of my legs and feet from time to time, so it's no secret I have some ambulatory troubles occasionally. My car has a handicapped hangtag, and I keep a wheelchair very visibly displayed. I use it when I have a bad day, otherwise I'm on crutches. Yes, the maroons I'll be talking about have seen me on crutches.

Not exactly able to hide a chair in this

Now, you ask, how do I know that I am surrounded by dumbasses?

Today, while sitting on my couch, I get a phone call from the office of the association.

Dumbass: Hello, is this Crotchety?

Me: Yes

Dumbass: I noticed that you had a new ramp installed.

Me: Yes (note: the ramp is a 40 feet long, 3.5 feet wide wooden monstrosity. Kind of easy to notice)

Dumbass: Oh, did you need a ramp?

At this point, I realize that I have encountered possibly the dumbest bastage in my town of dumbasses. What other possible reason could I have besides necessity?

Style? Did better Hovels and Gardens do a recent feature on snazzing it up with ramps?

Prestige? "Look Ethyl, them uppity Crotchety's got themselves a ramp."

Frivolous spending? I wanted to waste a few thousand bucks on an ugly stair replacement system?

Can you think of any more possible reasons? I'm stumped.

While I wait for your ideas, I'm going to roll up and down my ramp for a while. It's like a really crappy low budget roller coaster for gimps.

Still time to vote for me for Gimp Humorblogger of the Year. Thanks for your vote.


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