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First, the phones are so darned delicate. Did you know if you drop one into a bucket of urine, it won't work any more? Don't test this yourself, just trust your old broken cell phone friend, Crotchety.
I talk to my daughter every day on the telephone. Some days as many as 10 times. You may think that means I spend hours talking to my progeny. I probably average about 8 minutes or less, in total.
Here's a typical day's conversations.
Spawn: What is the name of the restaurant in Rahway where you used to like to go, but I wouldn't because I hate Mexican food.
Me: Beana's.
Spawn: OK, thanks. Bye.
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Spawn: Who was the baseball player whose kids I hung out with?
Me: Alvaro Espinoza
Spawn: Ok, thanks. Bye.
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Spawn: There's a Trader Joe's about 10 minutes from my house.
Me: You said you don't like Trader Joe's.
Spawn: I don't. I just thought you'd like to know. Bye.
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Those were pretty typical, except for the calls when she asks for directions, or to borrow 50 dollars.
I'm exaggerating. Usually it's 200 dollars, and for any Dad with a daughter, you know how "loans" work out.
I finally figured it out, though. My spawn sees me as a combination Bank/ATM/Google.com/personal biographer.
But she did assure me that if she is ever on Cash Cab, I'd be her Shout Out, so that's a good thing, I guess.
Her phone habits seem most typical of people of her generation. To be honest, I've started to notice it in mine also. Mrs. Crotchety will get phone calls constantly throughout the day. It seems her friends, like my daughter, phone whenever a thought pops into their heads.
I have no idea what's up with that.
By the way, does anyone know where I can get a waterproof cell phone?
The cell phones are always working at:
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