Toasters Can Be Evil

My blogging buddy, Reforming Geek recently posted about her toaster and how it has conspired against her.

I have blogged about my toaster issues in the past, and in fact, I was so happy when I finally bought the toaster of my dreams, I dedicated a blog to it.

Now, the less adventurous among you would probably simply go to Wally World, and pick up one of those crappy ten buck Asian Assassin toasters, but that didn't do for the Crotchety Old Lady and me. Since I always believe in getting the best for her, I searched the entire toaster world to find the finest toaster made. After studying important data such as SPH (slices per hour,) durability, design, and those intangibles of a world class toaster, I made my decision.
The toaster afficianados out there know what decision I made

Uber Toaster

The Dualit 2 Slice Uber Toaster.
I gave great consideration to a sweet red 3 slicer, but it may have really destroyed the feng shui of my kitchen.
Don't laugh. I can't use a 3 tine fork due to a balance issue. Can you imagine the mayhem of an unbalanced toaster?
Anyway, as anyone who knows toasters is well aware-- a Dualit is crazy expensive. I could have gotten a case of Wal Mart toasters for what a new Dualit costs. So, obviously, I had to enter the seedy underbelly of the world of used toasters.
If you thought used car salesmen were slimy, you should see the used toaster sellers.

Dis toaster was used by a little old lady who only toasted English muffins on Wednesdays

I need a shower after just thinking about it.
But finally, we found a toaster with very low toastage, made an offer, and brought it home. For the last year or so, it has provided us with perfectly toasted bread, and the occasional muffin.
I can only wish Reforming Geek finds happiness with a safe and trusty toaster.

Like a bad dog or a red headed stepchild, those cheap Wal Mart toasters will turn on you.

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Secret Santa Can Suck It

My wacky good friend, Bee (http://beesmusings.blogspot.com/ ), at humorbloggers came up with an idea. A Secret Santa Can Suck It activity. As she describes it "you will post a picture of what you would have gotten that person if you had money and you know, cared."

I was assigned the very funny Orion from http://orion-unleashed.blogspot.com/

I don't know him all that well, so I have been reading his blog lately to get some ideas, because I really want to not get him something he will treasure for at least 3.14 minutes.

To begin with, the man likes toast. Toast is one of my favorite things, and I immediately decided to not get him an uber toaster, such as the one I own.

Almost as nice as mine

But it's the Holidays, darn it, and he should not get something even better.

Like all young guys, he would probably like some top notch alcohol.

More bounce to the ounce

But one good weekend, and the gift I didn't give him would be forgotten.

Finally, it hit me!!! The perfect gift to not give to Orion.

Carnivale!!!



That's right. I'm not giving him a vacation to Brazil. And here is why it's perfect. Carnevale is nearly a week of drunken partying. With enough Holiday eggnog, and a photoshopped picture or two, he may be convinced that he actually did receive a gift.

Enjoy your days of partying, Dude.


This was so much fun, I may not buy a present for every one of my readers.

But not you. I'd really get you something nice cause we're BFFs


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