Call Me "Stumpy"

Yeah, this Saturday morning they whacked my left foot off just above the ankle. I always look for the weird angle in every situation and what could be more weird than coming out of a major surgery with all the surgeons, nurses and staff singing to the radio playing "Raspberry Beret?"

For the next few weeks I will be selling my stylin' left shoes on Ebay...

The one thing I know for sure: From now on, for Halloween, I will be a peg-leg pirate! Anyone know where I can get a parrot cheap?

Thanks for the prayers and good thoughts all this time...I am truly blessed.



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Back To Dictation

Told Mrs. "C" to send this over on Wednesday (she sure took her time):

GREETINGS from JFK Hospital! A couple of days ago I was told I had a minor heart attack. So minor it took them two days to detect it. Now they are poking holes in me about 12 times a day. The say I will be here anywhere from a few days to six months...In between tests, please reach me at 732-321-7384.



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Philosophical Quote of the Day

You don't always get what you want.

You don't always get what you need.

You get what you get.

I was working out in Physical Therapy the other day and noticed I was being "checked out" by some members of the fair sex...okay, so I was pumping a tiny, pink dumb bell, the ladies were, umm, over 85 (at least they looked that old).

Dammit, I liked knowing that I was a stud to at least some random octogenarians. So, I decided to enhance my inner GQ self. Mrs. "C" brought me several Hawaiian shirts to go with my too-short shorts. That will really drive the old wimmin crazy.

(Ed.note: WOO HOO!)

Type to you soon!

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P.S. to ba_hutch, the WINNER

I either didn't get your address or I lost it...please email it to me again so I can send you the DELICIOUS NJ pork roll...

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More Fun With NAUGHTY Bits

Last week I had a skin graft on my foot. This week it was discovered that it did not take.

One option now is to take skin grown in a lab from a baby's foreskin and insert it in the wound. (I swear I am not making this up.)

It makes me wonder that if I get err...umm...amorous will my foot grow from its current size 11 to a 14 or so?

Last week, on one of the facility's computers, I did some simple math problems. Yep, I got them all wrong. I am a math tutor and surely telling the kids the answer is "7,more or less," will really make my boss happy.



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ROOM CHANGE

Crochety wants everyone to know that since he keeps getting stuck with roommates that love to stay up all night screaming he is the only patient that has been moved twice in this lovely new facility within a month.

Physical therapy has him standing and getting into his wheelchair by himself. Quite a feat, no? Now he is ready to start walking and the foot doc decided to do a skin graft from his thigh to his heel and he has to stay in bed until Monday.

Pulleeze call him so he can complain to someone other than ME...908-222-5134.

Mrs. "C"



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55 !

HEY, HEY, IT IS CROCHETY'S HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

(and he is telling everyone that will listen...stop by for a cupcake!)

Mrs. "C"




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SOME GOOD / SOME NOT SO GOOD

Good is that Crochety stood up with a little assistance! He is feeling frisky...

Not so Good is that the darn laptop is attacking, we are working on it...his new phone is 908-222-5130.





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CAPTION T H I S ! ! !

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Winner winner chicken dinner

Errrrr, pork roll dinner.

ba hutch correctl gussed or figured out that yours truly is now belly buttonless
send your name and address to the email listedon the site, and you will be enlying the finest NJ taste treat

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My memory sucks

Since the stroke my memory is horrible. I mean I had a kickass blog post for you today. I can't remember a the title. My buddy in here has memory problems, too and it's hilarious.

He'll ask a ques.tion of me, Ill forget what he asked, then he'll forget what he asked.

Our conversations will last 2 hours, cover a myriad of subjects, and by the end won't remember a damned thing.

Don't forget the porky contest. A couple guesses came realy close.



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A Porky Contest

First of all a happy St Patrick's Day to youse.

I'm having a contest, sadly only one winner.

The prize is genuine NJ pork roll. Yum.

Earliest correct guess wins. One guess per person, per day.

Ok, here goes.

Regular readers have a huge advantage in this.

I'm missing a few body parts.

Some teeth, some toes.

But last year during this journey into hell, doctors took one more thing. It's nothing internal. What was it?

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How to have fun while while at the rehab center

Sure are a lot of hours to fill.

Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I spend about 5 hours at dialysis then about 30 minutes in PT.

Tuesday, Thursday I spend about 2 hours. Weekends about each day in PT about an hour.

That leaves (multiply by 7, add 23, subtract 14, divide by pi, add the negatve square root of 123) 39,534 hours, more or less, for mischief.

Because mobility is limited, so is mischief.

I have a grabber, which doubles as a nurse hiney pincher. Any nurse within about 6 feet of my bed is fair game.

Next I have my wheelchair, ideal for racing and cruising the halls for hiney pinching on the go.

OOOOOOOOOHHH There goes a new nurse. Maybe she'll want to look at my naughty bits.

Got to go. See youse soon.

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Greetings and felicitations

I finally got online and I'm not busy throwing up so I guess it's time for a blog post. Me and the Mrs. are hanging in. My buddy down the hall is an engineer so he got me online, and will write the directions so I can do it every day.


So far, I sent two physical therapists running from the room crying. (skinny little beotches-heh heh)

Probably explains why I have a psychologist assigned to me. Can youse say anger issues?

I'm healing from the last 10 months of hell and getting stronger every day. Can't stand yet, but I'm working towards it. Got some machine where they slip like a heavy duty bra under my ass and lift me up.

Thanks everyone for staying with me. Your phone calls and messages have been a Godsend.

A special thanks to MA Fat Woman.

And Janna, why don't you call and we can discuss a pork roll contest?

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FROM JFK TO SUB-ACUTE

Last night Crochety was sent to a new sub-acute facility. I asked that he come home, but the hospital felt he was "too fragile". They seem to think that he is just too weak now, which is exactly what he projects. He did get excited this morning when I spoke with him and told him I bought a new 40" TV so maybe that will be incentive enough for him to work out more and get his strength up! Lord knows I have tried EVERYTHING else...

His new place is AristaCare @ Norwood Terrace in North Plainfield. Room number is 222B and his phone is 908-222-5140.

Here we go again!


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We Thought Calcium Was a Good Thing.

Crochety was due to go to rehab yesterday but the hospital is confused about where he is going. Crazy right?

Then his blood calcium level shoots up and the endocrinologist says he isn't going anywhere, except a new room!

He is in 2549 and the phone number is 732-321-7125.

We are hanging in there...Thanks everyone,

Mrs. "C"

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Room 4307. Haven't we been here before?

Crochety is still in the hospital but they moved him back to the Telemetry floor and now he is back on a heart monitor. We don't know why yet. Maybe just a precaution. All he is lamenting is how he is being pried away from the prettiest nurses.

He has been nauseous and dry heaving for the past 2 days, for which he is getting shots to calm his stomach. His para-thyroid gland is acting up and producing too much calcium. It is like a vicious cycle, no? All the doctors agree that if he pushed himself to move more and get the circulation pumping he would be on the road to recovery...

His new phone is 732-321-7383.

We are wishing you a great Superbowl day! Maybe he needs a couple of beers to set him up right. I will be snacking and cheering next to his hospital bed...oh goody...

Crochety is still going with the Colts, but I am sure it will be the SAINTS!


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new room...old friends

They moved him down a floor, room 3221.

His phone is now 732-321-7214.

Crochety sat in a chair today for an hour. It took 4 little nurses to move him in and out of bed. Don't know if it was good or bad that they recognized him and updated him on what was new with them.

They will most likely be sending him on to the old rehab facility for p/t very soon.



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From ICU to Telemetry

Thank goodness the blood pressure has stabilized! Phew!

Crochety is still in tremendous pain, but trying to hold off the pain meds...when they moved him to his new room, they didn't transfer all his med orders and he didn't get a sleeping pill as he requested so he was up all night. This should be the least of his problems!

Now in room 4305.

Phone is 732-321-7384.



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HANGING IN @ JFK

Thank you all for the good thoughts and prayers!

Joe got through the leg vein bypass on Friday afternoon, but is still in ICU because his blood pressure cannot be stabilized. If he takes the pain meds (LOTS OF DISCOMFORT SO YOU KNOW WHAT HE IS THINKING) he needs a medication that constricts his blood vessels which is detrimental to his leg blood flow.

As soon as he gets a phone again, I will give you the new number!

You are all such a blessing!

Tired Mrs. "C"

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