.jpg)
This really annoys me.
I fool around with language sometimes, but I know it.
But when a major news outlet anchor uses incorrect language, well, it is just so stupid it is irritating.
Last week, they were discussing a mom killing her kid. The anchor referred to it as matricide.
How stupid can they be?
I often hear among young people the word coversating Oy!!! Conversing, please.
And I've even seen teachers write the non-word alot. A lot, Teach.
I gotta go. Conversate among yourselves 'til I get back.
Namaste to youse
http://www.humorbloggers.com
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
The one degree battle
Nope, it's not like 44 40 or fight. ((Putting my History degree to use.)
And nothing to do with Kevin Bacon.
The Mrs and I have an ongoing battle over theair conditioner.
She sets it 1 degree lower when I leave, and I raise it 1 when she leaves. Neither of us will speak of this.
Some 95 year olod lady had her diaper searched at the airport because security found a hard object in her diaper. Ewwwwwwwwws.
Remind me to never work in airport security.
My "Be a Swami in 30 EZ lessons" is going well.
Namaste and Ohhhmmm to all of youse.
And nothing to do with Kevin Bacon.
The Mrs and I have an ongoing battle over theair conditioner.
She sets it 1 degree lower when I leave, and I raise it 1 when she leaves. Neither of us will speak of this.
Some 95 year olod lady had her diaper searched at the airport because security found a hard object in her diaper. Ewwwwwwwwws.
Remind me to never work in airport security.
My "Be a Swami in 30 EZ lessons" is going well.
Namaste and Ohhhmmm to all of youse.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Now that Weiner is gone
where will the media get their inane stories to cover. Guess it's only a short time 'til another politician finds himself with his pants down, so to speak.
Had to pass on all jobs for a while. In about a month I need to go in the hospital
for prosthetic training, and in the meantime I need to get pre-training.
But today, while watching my Saturday Indian programming (Namaste America) I saw a commercial for a Swami.
First thought
Swami Crotchety
I could do everything he did, except remove black magic.
The Google must have ways to learn that.So coming soon
The Crotchety Swami.
Type to youse soon.
http://www.humorbloggers.com
Had to pass on all jobs for a while. In about a month I need to go in the hospital
for prosthetic training, and in the meantime I need to get pre-training.
But today, while watching my Saturday Indian programming (Namaste America) I saw a commercial for a Swami.
First thought
Swami Crotchety
I could do everything he did, except remove black magic.
The Google must have ways to learn that.So coming soon
The Crotchety Swami.
Type to youse soon.
http://www.humorbloggers.com
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Weiner-gate the saga that never ends
New photos were released today where he flashes his guns. (snicker)
I had bigger guns when I was 12.
And still, in interviews with some New Yorkers, they still support him. "It's his personal business."
People over 80 shouldn't be allowedn to vote without an IQ test.
Now that I think of it, under 80 should have one,too.
Did you know in NJ, retarded people can vote. I used to work in Social Services so they pick up the folks and cart them to the polls.
Most of them can't tell the difference among a cartoon, a documentary, and the news. Nice to kinow who is determining our future.
When I get my leg later this month, I'll put blue pinstripes on it.
Love my Yankees.
The fun raiser didn't go so well last weekend.
A lost slightly inebriated guy showed up, which seems to be my core of supporters.
My new campaign chest totals @12.35 and a button. I should probably auction the button on ebay. It's really nice.
http://www.humorbloggers.com
I had bigger guns when I was 12.
And still, in interviews with some New Yorkers, they still support him. "It's his personal business."
People over 80 shouldn't be allowedn to vote without an IQ test.
Now that I think of it, under 80 should have one,too.
Did you know in NJ, retarded people can vote. I used to work in Social Services so they pick up the folks and cart them to the polls.
Most of them can't tell the difference among a cartoon, a documentary, and the news. Nice to kinow who is determining our future.
When I get my leg later this month, I'll put blue pinstripes on it.
Love my Yankees.
The fun raiser didn't go so well last weekend.
A lost slightly inebriated guy showed up, which seems to be my core of supporters.
My new campaign chest totals @12.35 and a button. I should probably auction the button on ebay. It's really nice.
http://www.humorbloggers.com
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Creepy edition
Did you see the Jell-o pudding "Pudding Face " ad?
I think they stopped the campaign already because they were, weel, uh... creepy.
Apparently, pudding leaves one with pudding face, which looks like Jack Nicholsons portayal of the Joker in the movie Batman.
Who thought this was a good idea?
Talking about creepy, doesn't Weinergate get creepier every day?
Damn crazy New Yorkers still support him.
Next, he will get treatment, and come back crying that he was ill, and ask forgiveness, and soldier on.
Oy, what a ....ummm.... err....weiner.
Here's an example of your tax dollars at waste. I meant work.
In the next month or so, I'll be fitted with my orthotic leg returning me to more or less a contributing member of society.
I have to spend a few weeks in the hospital for this, because Medicare will pay for that, but not a visit to rehab, which would be a fraction of the cost.
Knuckleheads.
Stay cool.
http://www.humorbloggers.com
I think they stopped the campaign already because they were, weel, uh... creepy.
Apparently, pudding leaves one with pudding face, which looks like Jack Nicholsons portayal of the Joker in the movie Batman.
Who thought this was a good idea?
Talking about creepy, doesn't Weinergate get creepier every day?
Damn crazy New Yorkers still support him.
Next, he will get treatment, and come back crying that he was ill, and ask forgiveness, and soldier on.
Oy, what a ....ummm.... err....weiner.
Here's an example of your tax dollars at waste. I meant work.
In the next month or so, I'll be fitted with my orthotic leg returning me to more or less a contributing member of society.
I have to spend a few weeks in the hospital for this, because Medicare will pay for that, but not a visit to rehab, which would be a fraction of the cost.
Knuckleheads.
Stay cool.
http://www.humorbloggers.com
Thursday, June 09, 2011
Damn! It's hot!!!!!
But the research and development at Crotchety Old Man Enterprises and Discount House of Worship have been hard at word solving the problem.
First, we developed a pants fan.
The wimmins model gave the testers an...ummm....well let's say a sorta Brazilian.
The mens?
My lawyers have advised me not to talk about it.
So our nezt phase of development (hey, Edison didn't make a working lightbulb on his first try) was a pants air conditioner. It is nearly completed, but the engineers can't decide if it should be powered by 2 car batteries with a handy yet handsome carrying case, or a really long cord.
I will get back to you once it is perfected and passes UL testing.
A campaign update.
I rolled around the neighborhood and solicited donations. I collected $11.16 and a button.
We have scheduled a fund raiser luncheon at Wendy's.
It's $5 a plate for Nuggets (spicy or regular) and choice of beverage.
http://www.humorbloggers.com
First, we developed a pants fan.
The wimmins model gave the testers an...ummm....well let's say a sorta Brazilian.
The mens?
My lawyers have advised me not to talk about it.
So our nezt phase of development (hey, Edison didn't make a working lightbulb on his first try) was a pants air conditioner. It is nearly completed, but the engineers can't decide if it should be powered by 2 car batteries with a handy yet handsome carrying case, or a really long cord.
I will get back to you once it is perfected and passes UL testing.
A campaign update.
I rolled around the neighborhood and solicited donations. I collected $11.16 and a button.
We have scheduled a fund raiser luncheon at Wendy's.
It's $5 a plate for Nuggets (spicy or regular) and choice of beverage.
http://www.humorbloggers.com
Tuesday, June 07, 2011
Weinergate
The biggest news around here (New York news outlet) is Weinergate. Congressman Anthony Weiner was accused of sending pictures of his, umm, err naughty bits aka (snicker) weiner to various wimmen on his Twitter account. For a week or so, he sadi his account s hacked. Of course, late yesterday, he admitted he did it all himself. He went on TV, and after the mandatory crying session, he asked for forgiveness and said he would not resign.
How magnaminous of him.
Today it was revealed that he had phone sex with a porn star, possibly while he was on government time, using government equipment. It gets interestinger and interestinger. Is there any public servant who can have some self-control?
Not Ahnold, Not those crazy international bankers, and not the Weiner man.
I know I've been MIA for a few weeks. It would be great to say that I was abducted by an alien all female biker gang, who made me do unspeakable things, but that would mean I'm lying, and there is would be a tear-filled apology in my near future.
So, a quick explanation is:
I suck.
And now, my lame, but true excuse.
When I was in the hospital, followed by many months of rehab, I was diagnosed with depression. So, the doctor prescribed happy pills. While my hope was for myself becoming a grinng, drooling, idiot. Not nearly achieved, sadly.
So they doubled the dosage and were still far short of my goal.
After a couple months of therapy I was able to do what I pass for normalcy.
Well, the last few weeks I fell into what could be called a funk.
So, I owe you an extra- sized blog post. Not saying it will be good, but it will be long.
At this time I would like to announce my candidacy for President.
I'd hope my running mate would be
Richard Simmons
My entire platform hasn't been drawn up yet, but for starters:
No left turns. They cause accidents and traffic jams.
No politions with funny names.
No white before Labor Day. Or is it after Labor Day?
Either way it's a start. If you have more include them in the comments, as my candidacy is a work in progress.
My campaign slogan is "Vote for Crotchety. He needs a job."
http://www.humorbloggers.com
How magnaminous of him.
Today it was revealed that he had phone sex with a porn star, possibly while he was on government time, using government equipment. It gets interestinger and interestinger. Is there any public servant who can have some self-control?
Not Ahnold, Not those crazy international bankers, and not the Weiner man.
I know I've been MIA for a few weeks. It would be great to say that I was abducted by an alien all female biker gang, who made me do unspeakable things, but that would mean I'm lying, and there is would be a tear-filled apology in my near future.
So, a quick explanation is:
I suck.
And now, my lame, but true excuse.
When I was in the hospital, followed by many months of rehab, I was diagnosed with depression. So, the doctor prescribed happy pills. While my hope was for myself becoming a grinng, drooling, idiot. Not nearly achieved, sadly.
So they doubled the dosage and were still far short of my goal.
After a couple months of therapy I was able to do what I pass for normalcy.
Well, the last few weeks I fell into what could be called a funk.
So, I owe you an extra- sized blog post. Not saying it will be good, but it will be long.
At this time I would like to announce my candidacy for President.
I'd hope my running mate would be
Richard Simmons
My entire platform hasn't been drawn up yet, but for starters:
No left turns. They cause accidents and traffic jams.
No politions with funny names.
No white before Labor Day. Or is it after Labor Day?
Either way it's a start. If you have more include them in the comments, as my candidacy is a work in progress.
My campaign slogan is "Vote for Crotchety. He needs a job."
http://www.humorbloggers.com
Saturday, May 21, 2011
In case the world ends today
Thought I'd share some random thoughts, though if it does end, this blog will be as useful as always. That is, print it out and line a bird cage.
Useful tip number one (in case there is a Monday) Always buy used textbooks. They have been read, so you don't have to. A big timesaver for a student.
In case the Apocalypse produces Zombies, one of the best weapons is a shotgun. A baseball bat also works well.
Never trust a Zombie that wants to be your friend. For more Zombie related tips watch Shawn of the Dead or any Zombie related instructional videos.
Never believe anyone who says the way they cook liver, it's delicious. Liver is always nasty, even if it is covered with whipped cream.
Arugala is over rated.
After the Apocalypse, giant cockroaches will rule the earth. I saw it in a 70's Godzilla documentary.
Shouldn't Queen Elizabeth step down already? Give Charles a chance to be Queen, if only for today.
If a terrorist became a Zombie, would he blow up other Zombies? That would be a good thing, right?
See you next week, unless we are all fighting Zombies and demons.
http://www.humorbloggers.com
Useful tip number one (in case there is a Monday) Always buy used textbooks. They have been read, so you don't have to. A big timesaver for a student.
In case the Apocalypse produces Zombies, one of the best weapons is a shotgun. A baseball bat also works well.
Never trust a Zombie that wants to be your friend. For more Zombie related tips watch Shawn of the Dead or any Zombie related instructional videos.
Never believe anyone who says the way they cook liver, it's delicious. Liver is always nasty, even if it is covered with whipped cream.
Arugala is over rated.
After the Apocalypse, giant cockroaches will rule the earth. I saw it in a 70's Godzilla documentary.
Shouldn't Queen Elizabeth step down already? Give Charles a chance to be Queen, if only for today.
If a terrorist became a Zombie, would he blow up other Zombies? That would be a good thing, right?
See you next week, unless we are all fighting Zombies and demons.
http://www.humorbloggers.com
Saturday, May 14, 2011
weekend update.
compter is actinhg up. orry for anyone who got a triple post of nothing.
Anyway, lots of stuff happening.
I decided to be a free-lance tutor for hire. I already have a few clients, and more who want to wait for summer.
Haven't passed out at dialysis in a week, so that's a positive.
You know what is really pissing me off lately?
News teasers.
"The one product in your pantry that will kill you! Tune in at 11"
If it's so dangerous, tell me now, dammit!!!
Mrs and I have been warring lately.
What do mean what did I do?
Oh yeah, youse always assume I did something,
Well, ok, maybe I did. A little bit. Sorta.
Alright, I was a total jerk and was almost bad. Almost. Sorta.
See, youse shoulda had more faith in me.
http://www.humorbloggers.com
Anyway, lots of stuff happening.
I decided to be a free-lance tutor for hire. I already have a few clients, and more who want to wait for summer.
Haven't passed out at dialysis in a week, so that's a positive.
You know what is really pissing me off lately?
News teasers.
"The one product in your pantry that will kill you! Tune in at 11"
If it's so dangerous, tell me now, dammit!!!
Mrs and I have been warring lately.
What do mean what did I do?
Oh yeah, youse always assume I did something,
Well, ok, maybe I did. A little bit. Sorta.
Alright, I was a total jerk and was almost bad. Almost. Sorta.
See, youse shoulda had more faith in me.
http://www.humorbloggers.com
Tuesday, May 03, 2011
More stupidity
I watch a lot of cooking shows (don'judge-Mrs uses the smoke alarm as a timer) and more than once the host will advise in cooking something to use a good quality ingredient.
Excuse me, but who would purposely use a crappy ingredient?
Been really bored lately, found myself watching about 2 hours of a show about parking. Metermaids, tow trucks and the like. 200 channels and that is what was settled on.
Oy
I'm also pissed that I wasn't invited to the wedding. I am sorta decsended from royalty. Good Prince Crotchety. Actually it was from a duke or on earl, but if I make up a title for myself, it should be a better one than I deserved.
http://www.humorbloggers.com
Excuse me, but who would purposely use a crappy ingredient?
Been really bored lately, found myself watching about 2 hours of a show about parking. Metermaids, tow trucks and the like. 200 channels and that is what was settled on.
Oy
I'm also pissed that I wasn't invited to the wedding. I am sorta decsended from royalty. Good Prince Crotchety. Actually it was from a duke or on earl, but if I make up a title for myself, it should be a better one than I deserved.
http://www.humorbloggers.com
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Do they listen to themselves?
Just yesterday, I heard someone on TV say that some program changed their life and they made a complete 360.
Ummm, wouldn't that mean that they are back where they started, but perhaps dizzy if they spun too fast?
I often hear the phrase "I could care less," well that makes no sense at all because "I could not care less" means the same thing to them.
How could opposites mean the same?
http://www.humorbloggers.com
Ummm, wouldn't that mean that they are back where they started, but perhaps dizzy if they spun too fast?
I often hear the phrase "I could care less," well that makes no sense at all because "I could not care less" means the same thing to them.
How could opposites mean the same?
http://www.humorbloggers.com
Friday, April 22, 2011
Gas Prices
Ok, President Obama wants to have gas prices investigated.
I volunteer to be on the panel.
Here in NJ, we have a few stations in about a square mile charging #4.09.
Less than a mile away the price is $3.65.
Same town, same road and a difference of over 40 cents per gallon.
The reason?
The stations are the first ones as you get off the interstate.
Gouge much?
http://www.humorbloggers.com
I volunteer to be on the panel.
Here in NJ, we have a few stations in about a square mile charging #4.09.
Less than a mile away the price is $3.65.
Same town, same road and a difference of over 40 cents per gallon.
The reason?
The stations are the first ones as you get off the interstate.
Gouge much?
http://www.humorbloggers.com
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Just one more thing
Ok, most of youse know I've had a lot of stuff. Heart attack, congestive heart failure, depression, skin cancer, kidney failure, amputations, belly button removal and stroke.
Now what?
Athlete's foot.
I am transported by ambulance to dialysis and come home the same way. I only leave the house for doctor's appointments.
Basically, I'm treated like veal.
How the hell did I get Athlete's foot?
Since there is only half the feet of a normal person, I have 50% lesser chance than you.
But no, I got it.
What will I get next?
My money is on some rare disease discovered in the upper reaches of MONGOLIA.
And only found in left- handed goat herders.
http://www.humorbloggers.com
Now what?
Athlete's foot.
I am transported by ambulance to dialysis and come home the same way. I only leave the house for doctor's appointments.
Basically, I'm treated like veal.
How the hell did I get Athlete's foot?
Since there is only half the feet of a normal person, I have 50% lesser chance than you.
But no, I got it.
What will I get next?
My money is on some rare disease discovered in the upper reaches of MONGOLIA.
And only found in left- handed goat herders.
http://www.humorbloggers.com
Friday, April 15, 2011
Ethical Question
Yesterday, Mrs. C was driving me to the doctor and we were cut off by a knucklehead who ran a yield sign,
Of course she was talking on her phone, which is illegal in many states including NJ.
Now my question is this: should I be allowed to shoot at her with a small caliber gun. It probably wouldn't kill her but she would HANG UP THE DAMN PHONE.
By the way in case you had any faith in Harvard as little more than a cesspool of anti American principles and teaching, it is rumored that they have offered Bernie Madoff a position as a professor of ethics. Didn't they know John Gotti Jr is available?
http://www.humorbloggers.com
Of course she was talking on her phone, which is illegal in many states including NJ.
Now my question is this: should I be allowed to shoot at her with a small caliber gun. It probably wouldn't kill her but she would HANG UP THE DAMN PHONE.
By the way in case you had any faith in Harvard as little more than a cesspool of anti American principles and teaching, it is rumored that they have offered Bernie Madoff a position as a professor of ethics. Didn't they know John Gotti Jr is available?
http://www.humorbloggers.com
Monday, April 11, 2011
All-time best
telemarketer/scammer.
Called me Friday to let me know I won Publishers Clearing House for an $850,000 prize. First thing I thought was, what a party I could throw for my blog buddies. A week ar the Jersey Shore (not the TV show with the Guidos and Guidettes) but famous Atlantic City. Shows, gambling, the beach.
Woohoo!!!
But my next thought was
SCAM, Jamaican, style.
So, as usual, I decided to screw around with the dude.
Kept him on the phone for 12 minutes plus.
He called me back 12 times over the weekend. Told him my car was in the shop, that stopped the calls until Monday.
They started again. I didn't answer until the 6th call. Told him I contacted my sister and the FBI (www.IC3.gov) and he said my sister and the FBI were trying to corrupt my thinking. Then I told him because I have brain dasmage my sister controls my money.
He dropped the price to 200.
The last call was 22:45.
Last call I promised to try to get a ride to Western Union, can't drive due to the damage. ;)
Good thing I have a lot of free time.
\http://www.humorbloggers.com
Called me Friday to let me know I won Publishers Clearing House for an $850,000 prize. First thing I thought was, what a party I could throw for my blog buddies. A week ar the Jersey Shore (not the TV show with the Guidos and Guidettes) but famous Atlantic City. Shows, gambling, the beach.
Woohoo!!!
But my next thought was
SCAM, Jamaican, style.
So, as usual, I decided to screw around with the dude.
Kept him on the phone for 12 minutes plus.
He called me back 12 times over the weekend. Told him my car was in the shop, that stopped the calls until Monday.
They started again. I didn't answer until the 6th call. Told him I contacted my sister and the FBI (www.IC3.gov) and he said my sister and the FBI were trying to corrupt my thinking. Then I told him because I have brain dasmage my sister controls my money.
He dropped the price to 200.
The last call was 22:45.
Last call I promised to try to get a ride to Western Union, can't drive due to the damage. ;)
Good thing I have a lot of free time.
\http://www.humorbloggers.com
Friday, April 08, 2011
Where's my reality show?
It seems every weirdo and freak has a reality show. Now I'm as big a freak as anyone- An old fat guy, with one leg, no bellybutton,depressed, anti-social, and with a love of prescription drugs so....
WHERE'S MY DAMN SHOW?
I spend hours entertaining Mrs. C, so why not those who would be my core audience- shut-ins and the mentally challenged?
I'm always doing stupid, err, funny stuff.
Likr yesterday I was at the wound care center, and they put me in the overflow room, with directions they would call on the phone when they had room.
Phone rings, I answer "Dominos Pizza."
I guess youse had to have been there.
WHERE'S MY DAMN SHOW?
I spend hours entertaining Mrs. C, so why not those who would be my core audience- shut-ins and the mentally challenged?
I'm always doing stupid, err, funny stuff.
Likr yesterday I was at the wound care center, and they put me in the overflow room, with directions they would call on the phone when they had room.
Phone rings, I answer "Dominos Pizza."
I guess youse had to have been there.
Thursday, April 07, 2011
Ho;y cow
Saw Iggy Pop on Idol last night and he sang Wild Child.
C'mon, he's in his mid sixties (and looks it)
Shouldn't he just give it up?
Once a rocker is on Social Security, he should be forced to retire.
http://www.humorbloggers.com
C'mon, he's in his mid sixties (and looks it)
Shouldn't he just give it up?
Once a rocker is on Social Security, he should be forced to retire.
http://www.humorbloggers.com
Wednesday, April 06, 2011
Guess where I went last night?
Put on pants (first time in 2 years) over clean underwear (won't tell how long that's been) and got my gtimpy ass to a job interview.
Well, it was in the same field I worked in before, but at half the pay.
Interviewer said she never heard of anyone making that much money in this field.
I told her it's because I'm good. (I am) Let you know when I get the job.
http://www.humorbloggers.com
Well, it was in the same field I worked in before, but at half the pay.
Interviewer said she never heard of anyone making that much money in this field.
I told her it's because I'm good. (I am) Let you know when I get the job.
http://www.humorbloggers.com
Sunday, April 03, 2011
I wonder
Why are people so dumb?
Yeah, I know about all the yearly compilation of stupid people is pretty amazing, but we must wonder if commercials have to include such warnings as: "Contact your doctor if sudden loss of eyesight or hearing occurs."
No shit. What moron wouldn't? Really.
Anyone that dumb should just suffer the consequences of being so dopey.
This was an ad for Viagra, so definately he should not be allowed to breed.
http://www.humorbloggers.com
Yeah, I know about all the yearly compilation of stupid people is pretty amazing, but we must wonder if commercials have to include such warnings as: "Contact your doctor if sudden loss of eyesight or hearing occurs."
No shit. What moron wouldn't? Really.
Anyone that dumb should just suffer the consequences of being so dopey.
This was an ad for Viagra, so definately he should not be allowed to breed.
http://www.humorbloggers.com
Friday, April 01, 2011
Happy Birthday to me
Of course, my birthday is April Fools Day.
Did you expect anything different?
I was making up a list of top ten things bad about getting older.
But you know with my blazing typing speed (17 WPM in the house, for shizzle) that's probably a 2 hour task. I don't have the patience for that on my special day.
So, I listed my number 1 bad thing about getting older.
Raquel Welch is selling reading glasses.
Maybe my younger readers won't care, but I'm sure my older ones, especially male boomers, will get it.
Hey, I didn't expect to make it after the last year or so, and I'm really grateful for the second chance I got and really appreciated all the prayers and good wishes I received. Even though there is no scientific evidence, I am positive that is the reason I'm still standing. Well, youse know what I mean.
Thanks.
http://www.humorbloggers.com
Did you expect anything different?
I was making up a list of top ten things bad about getting older.
But you know with my blazing typing speed (17 WPM in the house, for shizzle) that's probably a 2 hour task. I don't have the patience for that on my special day.
So, I listed my number 1 bad thing about getting older.
Raquel Welch is selling reading glasses.
Maybe my younger readers won't care, but I'm sure my older ones, especially male boomers, will get it.
Hey, I didn't expect to make it after the last year or so, and I'm really grateful for the second chance I got and really appreciated all the prayers and good wishes I received. Even though there is no scientific evidence, I am positive that is the reason I'm still standing. Well, youse know what I mean.
Thanks.
http://www.humorbloggers.com
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
