The Great Naughty Bits Debacle

Warning: Graphic violence against rather sensitive parts of my body. If you are the squeamish type, pour a strong cup of coffee and read another blog. Perhaps even try to guess whose birthday is coming up in a day.

No, it's not mine. Mine is April Fool's Day. Stop pretending to be surprised by that.

Ok.

I have had many procedures done and some were rather simplistic, and a few were, for lack of a better term, invasive.



No, not that procedure from 2 years ago.

But the Great Naughty Bits Debacle took place a few years before "The Night I Spent in the JFK Hospital Restroom."

I was home, sitting in bed, and feeling rather poorly. What had been a minor scrape thisclosetomynaughtybits started to hurt. I checked around my naughty bits, and what had been a tiny scrape, was now a huge, rock hard burning, oozing hunk of me.

So, you have the setting.

Off to the hospital I went.

Doctor did some surgery. Bandaged me up, and then off to the post op. I eventually woke up.
And, of course, I'm wearing a diaper. Doesn't everyone?



So much gooey junk was oozing out, no bandage could keep up.



I always try to find the bright side, and, well, at least some cute nurses will be changing my diaper.

Woohoo. I recall having similar dreams when I was younger. I was already drafting my letter to a men's magazine:

Dear Editor, I never imagined this would ever happen to me, but...

but my nurse came in



The letter never got written.

I was looking forward to nursing care from Tiffany and Amber, I got Tim and Dave.

It gets worse.

Tim was rather gentle, bordering on affectionate. On the rare shifts that Tim wasn't around, basically, the nurse on duty would just come in, rip off the old diaper, and slap on a new one. Tim, oh, he was really into his job. My naughty bits were gently cleaned, powdered, shifted around, positioned in the diaper, repositioned, and finally tucked away.

I left the hospital, and had to go to rehab for a few weeks. The rehab facility was a mess. Huge staff turnover, which meant, as part of their training, new staff was taken to observe unusual patients. I had a parade of personnel coming in to see my diseased and diapered naughty bits.

It got to the point that when I heard a knock on the door, I would just whip off my diaper, and show my naughty bits. This was fine, but I did get a "talking to" after scaring, and probably scarring for life, the young lady who simply wanted to know if I wanted the meatloaf for dinner.

Future posts: Doctors I've tried to punch
Pictures credit: Rubba, at least the good ones were done by him.


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Extra Wordy Wednesday

I was going to write about the Great Naughty Bits Debacle today. This was my name for the time I was hospitalized and forced to wear a diaper for a couple of months.


Ok, I wasn’t forced to wear the diaper, I just kind of liked it. It was a good look for me.


But instead, I realized I have been remiss in some of my blogging duties. I received two Arte Y Pico Awards last week, and haven’t been able to complete my mission in accepting these prestigious awards. So, this will be an Extra Wordy Wednesday.





The Rules thanks to arteypico.blogspot.com:
Rules:
1) You have to pick 5 blogs that you consider deserve this award, creativity, design, interesting material, and also contribuites to the blogger community, no matter of language.
2) Each award has to have the name of the author and also a link to his or her blog to be visited by everyone.
3) Each award-winning, has to show the award and put the name and link to the blog that has given her or him the ward itself.
4) Award-winning and the one who has given the prize have to show the link of “Arte y pico” blog , so everyone will know the origin of this award.
5) To show these rules.


This gives me an opportunity to showcase many of the great blogs I read every day.
I was awarded these by Shadow Crystal http://internettreasuretrove.blogspot.com/
and by Presidential candidate Benny Greenberg at http://ya-ttitude.com/blog


Both of these blogs are wonderful , and I’m sure you will enjoy them as much as I do.


Now, on to my picks. By the way, this will be a long award ceremony, but I’m sure you will enjoy the wonderful blogs that I have selected.


These are in no particular order, and I read each one nearly every day.


The first award will go to Chelle at the Offended Blogger.
http://www.offendedblogger.com/
I can’t explain whether she offends or gets offended. I just know I’m one of her many fans.


Next, is the Downloadable Ryan Garns.
http://www.ryangarns.com/
No blog entry ever made me laugh harder than If the Federalist Papers Had Been a Blog. http://www.ryangarns.com/archives/article_062908.php

I’ve recently started reading ChatBlanc at
http://www.witsbitch.blogspot.com/
It’s well written, and funny. Every day she shares her world with just enough snark to make me laugh.

I enjoy foreign language blogs, and one of these is Drowsey Monkey.
http://drowseymonkey.blogspot.com/
She has the most wonderful sense of self-deprecating humor. And penguins.
Yeah, I know Canuckian isn’t a different language. Humor my ignorance, eh.

Few blogs start my day like Amyoops.
http://www.amyoops.com/
She always has some funny themed pictures and a quick joke or two.

I read so many other great blogs. But, like all awards shows, my time is up. I’ll introduce you to them next time. I do read some serious blogs. Honest. And I even read some that are considered intellectual. But I need to laugh, and so many of my blogging buddies help fill that need. I thank them for this as they keep me sane.

Ok, what passes for sanity in my life, anyway.

Give these blogs a gander. I’m sure some will become favorites for you, too.



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