Pass the Stuffing and Gravy--and Beware

Violence week continues on the blog. Tuesday had criminal fighting tips, Wednesday was reptilian monster day, and today is Close Encounters of the Avian Kind. This is part of the continuing series, Mother Nature, Murderess.

Everybody thinks of the turkey as a docile bird, and a tasty Thanksgiving Day meal. Rumor has it that turkeys are so dumb, they can drown during a rain storm.

But don’t be fooled by these diversionary tactics. Turkeys are among the craftiest, most cunning, and the most ferocious beings on the North American continent. They are the direct descendants of the T-Rex, and if I know my Godzilla movies, they were some bad dudes.



As recently as June 1st of this year, it was reported that a turkey flew into a living room in Livingston NJ, broke a window and terrorized the homeowners. The turkey fled the scene before police arrived, but had left a path of shattered dreams and glass in its wake.

A few years ago, the turkeys ran wild in Union County, NJ. The rampaging birds attacked the US Army.

OK, it wasn’t the Army, but it was a man in uniform. A letter carrier was attacked by a herd, gaggle, bunch, flock gang (I looked it up, that’s what you call them) of wild turkeys, and he was forced to kill the leader in self-defense.



Typical turkey gang activity--approach with caution

One day, while I was driving to work, traffic was delayed because a turkey stood defiantly in the middle of the road. These birds are getting more brazen. And I beseech you, do not believe the pro-turkeyists who claim the turkey is more afraid of you than you are of it.


Stalking human prey


Please be careful when approaching nature, for a turkey could be lurking right around that bend. And everyone knows the only time you are truly safe from a turkey is when the cranberry sauce is served.




Please note: Turkey jokes are not a substitution for chicken jokes. Why did the chicken cross the road jokes are still hilarious.


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