A Mixed Bag

Without going all Larry King on you (how in hell does he turn a bunch of non-sequiters into a paid gig?) I'm going to just put some odds and ends into one mega post.

Ok, a mini mega post. I don't have all that much energy.

One commercial I have been watching pretty closely is Gary Coleman for Cashcall. First, he almost acts as if he is high during the commercial. He laughs like, I don't know, a kid who is one toke over the line. Those song lyrics never made sense to me, but then Gary Coleman's commercials don't make a hell of a lot of sense either. I did got to the website, and they have Mafia-like lending rates. They range from around 60% APR up to 99.25%. And they charge a fee for the loan itself. Tony Soprano would be proud of the Bank of Delaware dba Cashcall.

I saw a TV show last night that was brought back from last year. It is so bad, that I won't even waste time to review it. It sucked last year, and after its hiatus, it didn't get any better. It was a double episode last night, and I couldn't sit through either one. The Loop is awful, and has the potential to be one of the worst shows ever made. It is available on DVD, but I can't imagine why anyone would want to buy and then watch it, unless of course, one wanted to use it to torture Gitmo prisoners and hope to interrogate them more effectively.

My Yankees are on a roll. Some lesser fans have already jumped off the Yankees bandwagon, and I can only wonder why they would give up so soon? They have 2 guaranteed first ballot Hall of Famers in Jeter and A-Rod, and Posada as a possible member. They have a pitching staff with 2 more guaranteed first ballot guys (Clemens and Rivera) along with two guys who may make it also (Pettitte and Mussina.) Add to this All-Stars like Cano and Matsui, and this is one hell of a team. And some fans had given up before Memorial Day? Front runners, turn in your Yankees Fan Club memberships immediately. And, don't be trying to hop back on the bandwagon when we catch the Sox. I know who you are.

What is up with all these commercials with the effeminate portrayals in them? The berries and cream Starburst commercial is one that comes to mind first, followed by one with some guy licking his friggin phone. Is this supposed to be showing gay men in a good light? Is it supposed to be funny? Are these supposed to be straight guys acting effeminate? I have no idea, but it sure makes me wonder what the hell these advertisers were thinking.

I just got a new DVD last night, so I'll probably watch it tonight. Johnny Dangerously used to be one of my all-time favorite movies, so I look forward to seeing New Jersey's own Joe Piscopo in one of his greatest roles. So, it didn't exactly get him an Oscar, but the movie was pretty funny.

Lastly, why do we pronounce bologna and baloney the same?

IFC

I rarely watch movies, as I miss big blocks of them. I watched one of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies last week (whatever one was part 2 shown on Starz) and I fell asleep in the middle of it. So, it is obvious that I have trouble watching movies when I miss huge blocks of them during my "naps." That said, I do find a certain type of movie that I like, and am able to stay awake during the entire film. I am not sophisticated enough to describe them using the word genre. I'm not even sure what genre means, but I've heard my friend Kevin use it, and he knows a lot about movies, so it must be pretty important and I hope it makes me sound smarter. I really enjoy "quirky" movies. Is that a genre? I'm not sure. But I know what I like. And it seems they are almost always on IFC (Independent Film Channel.)
I recently saw a few movies I really liked. The Station Agent pretty much had everything a quirky movie needed. It starred an angry dwarf, a tortured artist, and a wacky Puerto Rican guy. It was a perfect setting for quirkiness, and lived up to, no, it exceeded the TV Sherpa standard. Another one I saw was Danny Deckchair. It was sort of a chick flick, but quirky enough that I was able to watch it with my better half.
IFC also is the venue for 1970's karate movies. The 70's were the absolute "Golden Age" for karate movies, and these classics never seem to show up anywhere else. Various documentaries like "the F word," are not going to show up on "normal" channels. IFC movies and specials seem to have limited appeal, but this is what cable TV is supposed to be. A cable station should provide real choice, not the same re-hashed, repackaged crap found on other channels.
Showtime, HBO, Starz, and whatever movie channels are out there are all pretty much the same. They might have a different mix of movies at any one time, but they are all basically the same. Regular theater releases, only about 6 months to a year after anyone cared about them.
Boooooring.
It's hard to rate an entire channel, but if I could, it is a perfect movie channel. It is the only movie channel consistently worth having.

Theme Songs

By now, everyone knows how important opening theme music is to a show. The Sherpa gives extra points if a show has a good theme. I was just thinking about some of my all-time favorites.

A good theme is just so linked to a show that when one hears it, it immediately reminds one of the show itself. And for a great theme, the show reminds one of the theme, also.

First, what makes a good theme? Usually, it has catchy lyrics. I prefer those that tell a little story that can bring a new viewer up to speed. Think Gilligan's Island (A tale of a fateful trip) or The Jeffersons (Movin' on Up.) That's not to say that a musical opening isn't any good either (Sandford and Son.) Through the years, some opening themes have actually crossed over and made it to the radio airwaves. Welcome Back Kotter's theme, or at least a version of it, was the only real hit of John Sebastian's solo career. And, of course the theme from Cheers got loads of airplay. Another huge hit on top ten radio was the theme from Hawaii 5-0. Book 'em Danno.

Today's shows seem to be a little lacking in theme music. Sure, The Unit has that awesome cadence thing, and Two and a Half Men has a nice opening, but beyond that, is the King of Queens opening really any good? And the Simpsons? Sure it is identifiable, but rather blah.

I thought I'd make a top ten of my all-time favorites, but I have so many I like, I'll have plenty of "Honorable Mentions."

I'll do it David Letterman countdown style.

10. Speed Racer--It just sets the tone for a fast action cartoon.

9. Theme from the Sopranos--Woke up this morning, got yourself a gun. How could you not like a song that starts with gunplay? Song got a lot of airplay, too.

8. King of Cars--I just like it. They dooz it large.

7. Cheers--Decent showing on top ten radio.

6. Beverly Hillbillies-- Tells a story, and has some classic banjo music

5. Sandford and Son--Jazzy and distinctive instrumentals.

4. Addams Family --What Boomer doesn't know at least one alternate verse of this ditty? Also, first time we ever were exposed to sarcasm. Lurch --petite?

3. Spongebob Squarepants-- Unites the generations. Boomers know it because their grandkids are addicted, Gen Xer's because their kids either watch it now or grew up on it. Also, tells a little story. Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

2. Hawaii 5-0. --Great music. Just feels like an island theme.

1. Gilligan's Island --It has it all. Catchy lyrics. Backstory in a minute or less. And has legs. Ask any boomer to sing it, and he or she will know it better than their SS#.

In no particular order, the following receive "Honorable Mention."

Lone Ranger--Too easily confused with the William Tell Overture

Love Boat--Too sweet for diabetics

Hill Street Blues--I couldn't remember how it went well enough.

A-Team--I pity the fool who left this off the list.

Andy Griffith--It was called either the Fishin' hole or the Ol' Fishin' Hole. I don't like themes that use ' in them.

My Three Sons--Little too blah

All in the family--Too annoying

Lucy--I just don't love Lucy.

Good Times--Too ghetto-ey

Cookin' in Brooklyn--Too unknown

So, that's the list. The ten best and another 10 that didn't quite make the list.

Who said I have too much free time?

Moral Court

Most TV courtroom shows are pretty much the same. They have become very formulaic as one case involves an underage pregnancy. and the next will be something about room mates, followed by a case of property ownership.

Yawn.

Of course, a few of the dramas have judges with great personality, while one, The People's Court features Judge Marilyn Milian. She is hot. I have no idea how she is as a judge, but she would make a great Hooter's waitress, if the judge thing doesn't work out.

Lately, I have been watching an older court show on Ion. Ion is a station that features such quality programming as Alice, Amen, and about 18 hours of infommercials. To their credit, one of the infommercials is the 5 hour long Knife Collectors Show.

Back to Moral Court. It was a short lived show from around 2001. It is hosted/judged by Larry Elder.

These are not cases that you'd find on other TV court shows. Generally, they are cases with no legal precedent, and are based solely upon the morals of Mr. Elder. His decisions are: if he finds one party to be wrong, he'll award $500. If he finds it to be a more serious moral problem, he terms it offensive, and awards $1,000. If he finds it to be outrageous he awards the shows' maximum, $2,000. The accuser or the accused are paid by the show.

Mr Elder often will offer advice, but, since it isn't really court, it is non-binding. But the advice is still pretty good. It reminds me of the advice a good aunt or uncle would give a favorite niece or nephew.

One of my favorite parts of the show is when the studio audience is polled and they give advice ala Jerry Springer's audience to the accused or accuser. Or, they may ask questions pertaining to the "case." The audience is very well behaved, unlike on Springer. And I have yet to see anyone lose control, or physically attack another. This reminds me of a gentlemanly Springer Show, if such an animal could exist. I'm sad that this show only lasted for a short while. Enjoy it while you can.

It is on Ion at 6:00 p.m. for an hour. It has no real competition in this slot.

I rate it 4.58

Colbert Report

I can feel confident when I refer to myself as "The TV Sherpa" because I have over 50 years of TV watching experience. I recently came across this photo of me when I was 1. I'm not even sure the TV was on. It's hard to tell because the TV wasn't the greatest, nor was the camera. I'm pretty sure the camera was a Kodak Brownie, but who knows about the TV. Anyway, I have been watching plenty of TV lately, keeping up my usual grueling schedule of 16 hours per day. Yes, I am willing to do all this to bring everyone the reviews of the best (ok, sometimes "best" is an overenthusiastic term for the dreck I often watch) of TV shows not on the major channels. TV was once described as a vast wasteland. I consider it a sun soaked beach, and I walk along it with a metal detector. I find a lot of rusty bottlecaps, but I also find some cash and fine jewelry.

One of my all-time favorite shows is The Colbert Report. This spin off of The Daily Show with John Stewart is a send up of various "newsy" type shows. I'm sure there is a term for these shows. Infotainment may not quite be it, but it works on some level. Colbert (leave off the "T" both in his name and in report) himself has a very dry, sincere, yet almost deadpan delivery at times that works well when doing a spoof type show. He will stare into the camera, and address the audience as "Nation." He refers to us, his audience as "Heroes." Other times, he just goes so over the top that he is hilarious. Colbert does numerous "threatdowns." These are various threats to America, such as nuclear proliferation and bears. And he ranks them according to severity. Bears are either at the top, or very close to it. He is right on any story involving bears vs. man.

Almost daily, he has guests on his show, and these interviews are instant classics. Stephan manages to spin whatever they say to fit his faux "agenda" and "wins" every debate. The live audience seemingly cheers every utterance. Another very funny addition to this show is the "Dead to Me" list. On it, he has several groups that are, well, dead to him. He also does a segment "Better Know a District" in which he meets with the representative of a district and focuses on some tiny, unimportant detail. Again, it comes off much better than I could describe it. My favorite segment is "The Word." He will give his take on some subject, which is the word for the day, and on the split screen will be text disputing whatever he says. No way could I ever accurately portray the effect with mere words on this page. It has to be seen to be experienced properly. Colbert keeps the show fresh by having a tremendous mix of different segments. He avoids letting things become stale by repeating them ad nauseum. Every show is familiar, yet fresh and new. A perfect blend for this Sherpa.

The Colbert Report is on Comedy Central Monday to Thursday at 11:30 EST, immediately following the Daily Show. It is reported the following day several times throughout the day.

I rate it a perfect 10.

It's been a while, so here's a quick review of my ratings system:

10--a prime show. The Sopranos or 24 would rate a 10.

9-- definately worth watching. Think South Park or Seinfeld re-runs. Not as funny as the first time, but still great TV fare.

8-- Pretty darn good stuff. If you can't be home, you'd consider setting up the VCR. Some solid 8's would be Earl, or Everybody Hates Chris.

7-- Not quite good enough to tape. But you can look forward to watching. The Office is the first show that comes to mind as a 7.

6--Now we get into the shows that are ok, but only a first choice if other shows are re-runs.You won't mind watching a 6 at a different time. Britcoms are 6's.

5-- Think of a movie you liked, but have seen a dozen times or more.You'd choose the movie over the program, then the program is a 5. Mash and almost everything on TVLAND has become a 5.

4--Crappy show, but with some redeeming quality, like it features hot chicks. Any show with Pam Anderson would be a 4.

3--Only worth watching if the only alternative is infommercials. Fishing shows are 3.

2-- About the same as a good infommercial. QVC is a 2.

1-- Infommercials, unless they are The Knife Collector Show. They sell swords!

Still A Yankees Fan

I've been a Yankees fan for a really long time. I'm not saying exactly how old this photo is, but the uniform is number 7, and the Caddy in the right rear looks to be a late 50's, early 60's model. It is pretty obvious I didn't just hop on the bandwagon. My first game was in '61, and the Chairman of the Board (if you think that's Frank Sinatra, stop reading now) was pitching for the Yankees against the hated Red Sox. That game set the tone for the rest of my life as a sports fan. I walked through the cold tunnels, and could peek down at the field. But when I first went through the entranceway that lead to our seats, I was overwhelmed. The grass was the greenest I had ever seen. More green than any crayon in my 64 count box of Crayolas. Our TV at home had been a black and white set, and I never even thought about how overwhelmingly green the Stadium grass could be.

As for the game itself, I remember a bunch of Yankees homers. I'm not sure who hit them, but I'm pretty sure Maris and /or The Mick belted at least one. And when it was all said and done, I remember leaving the Staium, and looking back at the scoreboard once more to see the final tally: NY 13 Boston 2.

Life was good. It was as it should be. Even today, I would rather see the Yankees win 13-2, than win 3-2. I thoroughly enjoy when they pound the snot out of the other team.

Now fast forward to today, 46 years later. Life kicks me in the 'nads rather regularly it seems.

But I still sit and watch the Yankees, my team, and feel somehow transported to a happier time and place. A-Rod makes what the entire team made back in '61. What am I saying? He makes about 10 times what the entire team made then. But it's not about the money. It's about the game. I don't remember a lot about what my Father ever bought me or said to me when I was a kid, but I remember that day when I went to see my first ball game at Yankees Stadium like it was yesterday.

Take a trip out to the ballyard today. And bring a kid. He or she may remember it, and you, forever.

A couple of maroons

Last night I was doing one of my favorite things. I was watching baseball. I can watch a softball game, Little League, high school, minor league, you name it. I'll even watch a men's beer league game. I really like the game. But the ultimate is watching Yankees games. I would be happiest in the right field bleachers, but due to so many factors, I haven't been at a game in a few years.

Anyway, while I'm enjoying what has become an all too infrequent Yankees win, I noticed some of the fans in the stadium. They were playing in Texas, home of the Rangers. And sitting in a prime seat, right behind home plate, first row, was a guy talking on his cell phone during the game. I have no idea what these seats sell for, but I do know they are among the most expensive in the park. And this maroon is on his damn phone! Seats like this are absolutely prime real estate. And this goof ball wasn't even watching the game. This really pissed me off, until I saw the guy behind him. Jumping up and down with a beer in his hand for most of the game, this guy was in the second row. Again, we are talking prime real estate. I'm guessing the tickets had to go for a hundred bucks a pop or more.
Why do I care about this drunken maroon? He was wearing a Mets Jersey. It looked to be one of the expensive Jerseys. Couple that with the seats he was sitting in, and the large number of rather expensive brews he quaffed, I can only assume this maroon has a few bucks.

So, I know he owns more than one friggin' shirt. To me, a baseball fan, it is pretty much the height of stupidity and rudeness to wear a shirt to a game from teams that aren't even in the friggin stadium. Ok, maybe if you had a classic shirt, like a Brooklyn Dodger Koufax, maybe I could understand that. As somewhat of a baseball history fan, I would probably enjoy seeing someone wear that. But, I can guaranfriggintee if some idiot shows up at Yankees Stadium, in the Bronx, anywhere near the bleacher section, wearing a shirt from any team that ain't in the building, said fan is getting a very well deserved beer shower.

I'm not advocating violence, but I am sure advocating using a little bit of sense and showing some respect for the game. If your team isn't in the building, wear a dayum Nike shirt, maroon.

Living La Vida Loca

My mother passed away earlier this week, and I started thinking about how she lived it. She worked full-time up until she was in her early 70's (her choice, not a financial necessity) and using old school thinking, she wouldn't retire because she had nothing else to do.
So, after working for a total of well over 50 years, she was able to retire and reach the stage of life where she did not have to be a slave to the alarm clock or to the whims of a corporate master. And it lasted all of 3 months. That's when she was diagnosed with the disease that would claim her life a few months later.

WTF is up with that? I accept that she lived life on her terms, but damn, I sure do not understand it.

Whenever the lottery would hit those huge amounts, I would dream about what I could do if I was fortunate enough to win. She once told me that she thought it would be awful to win, because what would I ever do all day long?

I guess this is the biggest difference between many of the old school types and me.

If I won the lottery, I would have no trouble filling up my day. Work sucks. I have never had a job that I wanted to do rather than goofing off. Sure, I have even had jobs I liked to do, but I would gladly be willing to be filthy rich and search out things to do.

The world is so open and full of promise and possibilities that I can't understand setting limits on oneself.

Just in my state alone, it seems that every week there is a festival or noteworthy event on a weekly basis. I would attend them all.

And, if I ever decided to venture out of state, the choices are endless.

Plays, concerts, and the best of everything known to man is within a short trip of my home.

That does not even come close to counting the number of leisure activities available to almost anyone.
Nearly any interest may be pursued.

Always interested in flying? Take lessons. Like old cars or trains? Join a heritage club and get involved. Like to help others? Hospitals, day care centers, and nursing homes would love to have volunteer help.

RIP, Mom. I never understood your choices, but am glad you made yours, not mine.

I dunno

A lot of stuff been on my mind lately, and I haven't been blogging. I'd be happy to say that it was because I've been busy, but I'm basically just sitting on my butt, doing nothing. It's funny how nothing can just fill up a whole day sometimes.
Last week I had to get a new prescription for some super anti-biotic. I'm fortunate that I have insurance still, because otherwise it would have cost $2000 for a 2 week dosage. What do those without insurance or a spare 2 grand do? My guess, is they get more sick, and then wind up getting more expensive treatment. And, because a hospital can not turn anyone away, the treatment will be billed to the person. And if someone is saddled with a bill in the tens of thousands of dollars, they either will be bankrupted or they will not pay. I'm willing to bet it is the latter.
So, where's the logic? Don't help someone with a bill for a few thousand (or often considerably less) or don't help them with a bill for tens of thousands?
That is why I have become in favor of universal health care. I've heard the arguments about the cost. And, I'm not buying it. Yes, it will be expensive, but aren't we already footing most, if not all the bill already? Stop by an emergency room and look around. Many are poor people who can't afford a clinic or doctor. So they go to the hospital, at many times the cost of a doctor or clinic, and get treatment. Wouldn't it make more sense for them to go into a doctor and get much more affordable (for everyone) treatment?
It does to me. But I'm willing to bet during any discussion of this subject, it will be spun so it will never happen.
That is truly sad.

Why I hate the AMA

I just got back from the doctor and my foot is infected again. It hurts like hell. I know in a little while it will stop, though. Just in the last 24 hours has been significant improvement.
Back to the AMA.
I was thinking this morning about my friend, Bill. Bill died about a year and a half ago. He was obese, and he went in for the gastric bypass. I warned him not to, but he was so sure it was safe.
The doctors told him there was some risk, but it was minimal. Less than 2% mortality.

They lied.

The actual mortality rate is much higher. For men, within one year of the operation it is around 10%. And no one tells that it will be a miserable year. My friend had the operation in March 2005, and except for about a two week period, spent the rest of his life between the nursing home and the hospital. During this time, he was put in a coma for months, and they amputated his leg. He could not have so much as a mouthful of water. He suffered until he bled to death and died around 6 months later. I guess he is on my mind today because he loved the Holidays. Christmas was huge for him. He decorated the house and really enjoyed the festivities. He also was a fan of Easter. When I visited him after he came out of his coma, he told me he was so excited that he may be going home for Easter. It hurt me to tell him that he had slept right through Easter. It was gone by over a month. Would Bill be here today if not for the operation? I don't know, but I do know he is dead because of it. And the medical establishment continues to put forward how wonderful this is.

God, or Darwin or whomever designed the human body had made mistakes, and only by mutilating it would it function properly. That is the opinion of the AMA, or at least how I can conclude this when I realize that they consider this mutilation a proper medical procedure.
I have seen so many of those uber fat people shows on Discovery. The ones where the guy or woman is between 700-1000 pounds. These shows bother me for a few reasons. First is that they focus on the tremendous volume that these folks eat. Second, they pay no attention to the causes. And I firmly believe there are causes for someone to gain that much weight. Some physical, some psychological.
I know some people who have eating disorders. They are not part of a freak show. Instead, they have serious issues. Every last one of them. I have a friend who ate 5 double cheeseburgers, and an order of fries. An hour later, she had two more double cheeseburgers and another fry. Does anyone think she was eating because she was hungry?

Hell no, she wasn't. Something was missing from her life.

I used to weigh a lot more than I do now. And I'm far from a lightweight today. But I look back at my life then, and I realize what the problem was. I was friggin miserable. And the only thing that made me happy was the time I spent eating. It gave me a little pleasurable respite from all the crap in my life. I've spoken to numerous individuals who are/were obese, and in nearly every case, it was the same story. Something was missing, and they sought to fill it.

And here is where the AMA is missing the boat. And just one more reason to hate them.

I believe, and so many individuals I have run into confirm it, counseling and support is more important for obesity than any pill or operation. Just look at how many people have had the bypass and then gain weight back. They had the corrective mutilation, they had the training, and they are right back on the path to obesity. How can anyone say it is physical? These individuals have a psychological dependency on food. And no operation, pill or plan is going to cure that.
Also, I have been studying nutrition. I have found a plan that works very well for me. If I had this from the beginning, I probably would never have become overweight to begin with.
Instead, the dairy industry, and the beef industry have lobbied to make these important and accepted parts of our typical diet.
Since I eliminated these foods and all but became a vegan, my diabetes is under control, and I am losing weight. I'm rarely hungry, and doing well. If I could walk, I'm sure the excess pounds would melt away. It's slow because my metabolism is at a standstill due to inactivity.

Post 100

Wow.

This is number 100, and how appropriate that this is about my favorite thing in the world.

Yankees Baseball!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The season opened today, and the most dominating team in the world today began their assualt on the World Championship.

The Tampa Bay Devil Rays, usually an annoying nemesis was easily dispatched 9-5, as the Bombers used power and pitching to do them in.

A-Rod and Posada homered, while Giambi knocked in three.

The pitching, while not stellar, was more a result of bad fielding rather than Pavano's efforts. You can't keep giving the other guys extra outs. 3 infield errors is not a good sign. But hopefully, it was just some early season miscues due to the damp weather and overcast skies.

The bullpen did shut them down, though, as they completely shut down the Rays for the final 4 innings. And Rivera was lights out in the ninth as he struck out the side.

And just as important, the arch-rival Red Sox were smacked around by the Royals 7-1. Yeah, those Royals.

LOL.

But, it's a long season, and the fun is just beginning.

GO YANKEES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday to Me

In a way, today is a surprise party for me.

I was told by a doctor many years ago, around 1982 or so, that if I didn't change my ways, I would not make it to 30. And age 40 was almost out of the question.

Well, today I'm 52. I've treated my body like a friggin' amusement park for most of the years after I was given a virtual death sentence. It's only in the last year or two that I have really gotten serious about improving my health. And surprisingly, my health has declined significantly during this time.

WTF is up with that?

I've been eating vegetables. I've been eating salads. (Regular readers will remember I almost had a salad kill me a few weeks ago.) I eat whole grains, and almost never eat meat. I even exercise a bit. I can't walk, so it's not like I go jogging, but I use my Suzanne Somers ThighMaster regularly : ).

I've been losing weight, and hardly drink. Again--WTF?

Years ago my father once stated, (he was kind of goofy) that health food is bad for you. It'll kill you. I always figured it was his usually screwed up view of things, but maybe he was right. Health food hasn't been a panacea for me, I'll tell you.

But, for today, I'll keep on doing what seems to be the right way to do things.

I've been taking a more positive outlook on things lately. Sure, most days I start with an attitude of wondering who peed in my corn flakes this morning, but I'm trying like hell to think, it's not pee, it's soymilk.

And, things have been getting better. Just today, I found out that I have my name on the state unclaimed property list. Maybe it's that mil 5 I forgot about, or some incredibly wealthy distant relative that left me an immense fortune. But most likely it's some bank account with a buck three ninety five. Still, hope springs eternal.

I sit here today, banging on this keyboard, and life is pretty good. I have a lot of friends, both in my RL and in my cyber life. I treasure them all. I have a good woman who cares for me, as I do her, and a daughter who loves me. The kiddo is even planning to visit me today, so I am pretty happy about that.

But most of all, I feel that I have hope for tomorrow. Sure, the odds are I'm going to have a heart attack and die in a year or two (everyone knows I'm the least lucky guy on the friggin planet) but for today, I feel like I may beat the odds. Today, I look forward rather than backwards. It's a good feeling.

Opening Day is April 2nd

My New York Yankees, aka The Evil Empire, are ready for the season. And on April 2nd they take on the Tampa Bay Devil Rays to get it going.

Opening Day is probably the best day of the year. It is the official sign that winter is over, sure, but it is more than that. It is a day of hope. My team, no, every team, has a perfect record. No player has struck out with a runner on third, just as no two strike fastball caught a bit too much of the plate and was dropped in for an inning stretching single. Every team from the lowly Pirates up to the highly rated (and much hated) Boston Red Sox has hopes for the season.

Opening Day, in a way, is a metaphor for life itself.

It is a new beginning. And while we may not all reach the ultimate goal, a World Series Championship for the Yankees, whatever we desire for the rest of us, we all approach it filled with hope. All the errors of last year, the bloops and blunders, mean nothing on Opening Day. Just as our mistakes of the past mean nothing. Sure, A-Rod may have to deal with the memories of last year. This is just as I have to handle the many disappointments of my last few years. But Opening Day wipes the slate clean, for A-Rod, and for me.

Here's hoping for a great season for the Yankees from the new and improved crotchety old man.

Welcome to the new and improved crotchety old man

So far, I have embraced my new attitude of being positive and looking for good things for about 12 hours.
Woofreakinghoo. My life is like a nonstop party right now. It is all lollipops and rainbows. I just saw a unicorn grazing outside in my yard.

Ok, this new attitude isn't really working for me right now. I've heard of "fake it 'til you make it," but don't know if I have it in me. I'm not a big fan of putting on a happy face when I'm friggin' cranky. But I'm trying it. I'm committed to it.

I'l start with a short gratitude list.

What 5 things am I grateful for having in my life?

1. My honey
2. My friends
3. My car
4. My kid
5. I still have my foot, more or less.

Pretty pathetic, but it's a start.

Funny that I was able to come up with 101 things that pissed me off with no problem, but 5 things that make me happy was a struggle.

*sigh*

Peeling Onions part 6

The next installment in the saga aka "What the hell is up with this whiney puke, today?"

This little tune is bouncing around in my head tonight:

Some things in life are bad,
They can really make you mad,
Other things just make you swear and curse,
When you're chewing life's gristle,
Don't grumble,Give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best.
And...Always look on the bright side of life.[whistle]
...
Life's a piece of shit,
When you look at it.
Life's a laugh and death's a joke it's true.
You'll see it's all a show.
Keep 'em laughing as you go.
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.
And...Always look on the bright side of life.

I have no idea why that was in my head, but it was contributing to keeping me awake.

So, anyway, I have been reading and watching (yeah, I watch about 15 hours of TV per day, sometimes more) and lately, it seems that attitude has been mentioned frequently as a part of the healing process. It's probably been there all along, but I'm just noticing it lately. Maybe that is where the song came from.
Nevertheless, I'm still not healing, and it seems sometimes like it is getting worse.
It is hard to look on the bright side of life, but I'm trying. It has been suggested I put my emotional baggage, my stuff as it were, in a trunk and shove it out in the shed. I'm trying, because when I keep it here next to me, I go through it every day, and get that shit all over my hands.

So, I guess this is a positive blog entry. I'm trying to be more positive in my life. I'm going to start to look for the good in situations. I'm going to stop being a self-loathing, cranky old man. For today.
Worrying doesn't help, and it sure as heck makes things worse. So, I'll just wait and see what happens.
Next week is my birthday, and it is kind of funny. I was reminded today that over 25 years ago, I was told I had maybe 4 years to live, and 10 at the outside. Apparently, the doctor thought that would scare me into walking the straight and narrow. Instead it sent me on a narrow path straight to a bar.
I don't know what would have worked, but I do know telling me I was going to die was meaningless. It made me party even more. I was pretty unhappy with my life, so dying sure wasn't a negative outcome. Especially if I could do so after a good night at the bar.
I think what frustrates me most is that I have, and continue to try to do better, yet get knocked on my ass anyway.
For today, I'll get up and continue to move ahead. Slow progress, even immeasureable progress, is still progress.

That's my goal for today.

South Park

This is one of my all-time favorite shows. It is unbelievably topical as the lead in time for the show is days, not weeks or months like with other animated shows.
But what is most surprising is that while topical, the shows stand up to the test of time. That is, I can watch an old episode and it is usually every bit as funny as the day the show first aired. And what is the best part of the show is that it seems to get better every season. Sure, the animation is terrible, but the writing is as tight as ever. And, unlike other shows that have been around for years, no new characters have emerged. No new best friends named Ernie, and no Ted McGinley.
While Butters has had a greatly expanded role, he is still a bit player compared to Kenny, Cartman, Stan, and Kyle.
And Timmy and Jimmy appear just often enough that we don't get tired of them.
I really thought that after Chef left the show, there would be a drop off, but, no, the show just keeps on rolling along.
What I like best about the show is that new characters come in, like Towelie or Mr. Hanky, and then they disappear. Towelie was an awesome character, and they easily could have made him a regular, but it would have changed the dynamics of the show. Mr. Hanky was in a few episodes early on, but he hasn't been seen in quite a while. Again, this is a positive as the show is about the adventures of the 4 boys and their friends. Ike, the parents, Mr./Mrs. Garrison, Mr. Mackie, Mr. Slave, and so many others are featured in an episode or two, and then get back into an ancilliary role. The show stays fresh without the confusion of so many characters. This formula that worked for the Simpsons, and they are in year 16 or so.

I look forward to many more years of enjoying South Park.

And I know they will remain Ted McGinley free.

Has 24 Jumped the shark?

First, of course, it should be defined what is jumping the shark?
Directly from the jump the shark.com website, here is the definition:
Q. What is jumping the shark?
A. It's a moment. A defining moment when you know that your favorite television program has reached its peak. That instant that you know from now on...it's all downhill. Some call it the climax. We call it "Jumping the Shark." From that moment on, the program will simply never be the same.
The term "jump the shark" was coined by site founder Jon Hein & his college roommate of 4 years, Sean J. Connolly, in Ann Arbor, Michigan back in 1985. This web site, book, film, and all other material surrounding shark jumping, are hereby dedicated to "the Colonel."
The aforementioned expression refers to the telltale sign of the demise of Happy Days, our favorite example, when Fonzie actually "jumped the shark." The rest is history.

And there you have it.
Any time Ted McGinley, the patron saint of jumping the shark shows up, you know that the show has jumped. Not that Ted isn't a fine actor (see Revenge of the Nerds, one of the TV Sherpa's all-time favorite movies) but when he shows it is because the show is on the way out. Whether he is the TV equivalent of an EMS or a mortician, I'm not sure. But I do know when Ted shows up, it is a matter of time until the show ends.
I haven't seen Ted on 24 (yet) but I have seen the indications that 24 may have jumped the shark. And that herald is named Ricky Schroeder. I still like the show. It is still exciting, and I remain a big fan, but Ricky Schroeder?
The writers killed off the guy who played Curtis, and replaced him with Ricky Schroeder. And Ricky plays a mean, doesn't play by the rules type tough government agent. I just can't accept this. I'll watch the remainder of this season, but this will probably be my last. It is only a matter of time until Ted McGinley shows up as Jack's romantic rival for wait... Jack has no romantic interests because they have killed off everyone who has ever snuggled with him. Except for that one woman who didn't know he was Jack. And she hasn't been around for a while.
Maybe she is now living with Ted McGinley.

I am making it official.

24 has jumped the shark.

What am I cranky about today?

I wake up, and I'm in a pretty good mood. I'm as shocked as you are. But it is just a matter of time until someone or something pisses me off.
I was watching the news, and it was reported that a school janitor (in his 50's) raped an 8 year-old girl multiple times over the past month or so. WTF?
8 years old? Rape is heinous enough, but an 8 year old? This proves once again that rape is a crime of violence, not one of passion.
When I worked at the Job Corps, I taught a course I called sex and drugs 101. I don't remember what it actually was called, but basically, I taught young adults about sex and drugs. It wasn't a how-to course, but instead it gave them information to stay safe and healthy.
One part of the course involved giving them a test, and one of the questions on it concerned rape. One of the answers indicated that if a woman dressed a certain way, she was "asking for it." Believe it or not, many, if not most, honestly answered and believed that rape was inevitable (perhaps even justifiable) if a woman dressed provocatively. Most surprisingly, this was the answer given by both sexes. When I questioned the women, especially, I was shocked when they confirmed that yes, hootchie mamas should expect to be raped because of how they dressed. WTH?

These were women saying this. Women who were around 20. Not kids who wouldn't know any better, but young adults. Some had kids of their own.
It made me very sad that these women, most of whom had such a sense of bravado, considered themselves to be... hell, I don't know what they considered themselves to be. But they did know that if they dressed "sexy" they should expect to be violated.
This was an attitude that one may have expected to find in the 1930's, not in the 21st century. But, there it was, right in front of my face.

Apparently, the attitude continues as an 8 year old was raped. Maybe she was dressed up, and turned the piece of crap on. I just feel dirty typing that.
This makes me angry, then so very sad.
No child should suffer from abuse, sexual or otherwise.

We need to be more aggressive as a society in dealing with such predators. I can almost guarantee that this isn't the first time this man has violated a female, and most likely not the first child.
*sigh*

Words are so inadequate at times.

Where you at?

I lived through the 60's where everything was "cool."

It was a universal term that just fit any situation. Everything was either cool, or not cool. No problem and cool became the most used word in our lexicon. And I was cool with that.

Then sometime in the late 80's or early 90's everything became "excellent." Curse you Bill and Ted!
Excellent was used to describe everything, replacing every single adjective in the English language. It even had degrees. Things could be most excellent, although I don't remember things being less or not excellent. Excellent never did acquire the level of "cool."

And somewhere in between, the kiddie set was indoctrinated with the acceptance of paucity of language by those ridiculous little incestuous blue critters from France, the Smurfs. The Smurfs just reinforced among our youngest and most vulnerable linguists that it was ok to have the verbal skills of an infant. Why develop a decent vocabulary when "Smurfy" described every situation? Have a Smurfy day, you are looking quite Smurfy, and of course, this is quite Smurfy.

And now today, the rap culture is creating an entirely new set of words and meanings.

Bling? What is that? Is that better or worse than bling bling? I have no friggin idea.
And currently, a relatively new commercial is airing. It is for a cell phone that tells one where the party one is talking to is located. I have no idea why anyone would want this feature. But the conversation is basically, "Where you at?" "I know where I'm at, where you at?" It goes on for the lenghth of the commercial with this inane crap.

When Meucci (don't believe that bull about Bell) invented the telephone, I do not believe for a minute that he ever envisioned his method of communication would ever be used for such trivial crap as this. Sadly, this is what it has devolved into.
A bunch of nearly illiterate morons, speaking what can barely be considered English, chatting endlessly about nothing.

So, what am I ranting about?

I suppose it's just that language is taking another kick in the head. New words constantly come into being. We need them because we constantly invent new stuff. Ancient Greeks and Romans didn't have computers, cars, jets and Big Macs, so we needed to name them. And gradually, our language became more developed and colorful.
It seems that now it is just getting stupid. Put any words in any order and try to figure out WTH the speaker is trying to say. I'm not saying that we all need to speak the Queen's English, but at least we should all get on the same friggin page.

*sigh*

People in My Path

I'm not what would be considered an overly religious guy. I do believe in a Higher Power, who I refer to as God. I also somewhat follow the rules of Christianity. Ok, not all of them, just the ones I like.
But I do like to go to church on Sundays and some holidays, and when I can't, I tune in on TV. I also like to watch some of the TV ministers. I have even sent in money to a few that I found really helpful. One that I really enjoy is Joel Osteen. I try to watch him at least once every Sunday, and to be honest, sometimes his message is so good, I listen to him more than once.
Today, his message was really appropriate to my situation. He spoke that God sometimes puts people in our path who become an important part of our journey.
I was especially interested in this sermon because I have a friend who I have known for about a year who has become very dear to me. I truly believe this person has been put in my path by a Higher Power. On a regular basis, this wonderful person gives me so much inspiration and encouragement. I truly feel that I am not worthy.

In fact, it is funny. A lot of people have been very good to me. I have friends who I talk to on a regular basis. And, the most interesting part is that the overwhelming majority are friends I have made in the last relatively few years. Not that I don't have friends that I have known for decades, but I rarely interact with them. I could pick up the phone and talk to them any time, but it kind of bothers me that they have not reached out and called me. I wonder why.
Maybe, as today's sermon suggested, it is not important to think about this too much. Just realize that more great people are in my path, and just accept it.

For today, I will act as if I am worthy to have all these friends and be happy that they are in my path.