Saturday, September 02, 2006

If you can't drive it, park it

It seems as if every day, I find another reason not to go out on the highways of my beloved state of NJ. I don't expect everyone to have the driving abilities of professional NASCAR driver. But, when I am behind a car and the lane has a green arrow pointing the way the driver in front wants to go, why, oh why, can't he or she GO? Is it the first time they have ever seen one of these arrows? Did they get their license within the last 15 minutes? Did they just arrive from Lithuania? How freakin' hard is it to turn on a green arrow?

OK, now I'm on a roll. I drive the speed limit. I don't need an SUV driven by someone who can barely see over the freakin' steering wheel to be up my ass. What is up with that?

Mom and a 3 year-old need a friggin' assault vehicle to pick up the dry cleaning and a Happy Meal? What are they expecting to encounter on the highway-- the Iraqi equivalent of the 81st Airborne? The Terminator? Godzilla?
And I will bet dollars to donuts that Mom can't park the behemouth. I've been in parking lots and seen first hand Soccer Mom trying to turn a Suburban around and get it into a parking space. The USS Intrepid had fewer problems docking in its NYC port. And, on the off chance Soccer Mom is able to turn the beast around and head towards a parking space, does she understand that those white lines serve a purpose? They aren't to decorate the lot. The idea is to park between the lines. And not just any random combination of lines. Pick two and try to stay between them. I realize that this is asking a lot, but maybe even park evenly so that another car can fit into the space next to Soccer Mom without fear that when Soccer Mom returns, she will open the door of her assualt vehicle and scrape the crap out of the car next to her?

I'd also be really pleased if the jerks driving pickups with crap in the back like rocks and sand would at least make an attempt to cover the stuff so it doesn't blow all over the place while they drive mindlessly down the highway.

And I haven't even gotten into the jerks who drive along the shoulder or pass in nonexistant lanes. Just because you can squeeze through, that doesn't make it a 4 lane road. Get a friggin' clue.

I'm done. I feel better.