Monday, November 10, 2008

First Greenland, and now Quizno's

I reached out to Greenland in friendship, and they slapped my hand away. I'm done with them. They don't want to visit my blog--fine. Be that way.

I have a new mission. I am determined to get reparations from Quizno's. I was wronged, and I demand satisfaction.

I guess you could say


This Means War!!!!!

What, you may ponder, has turned me from my usual slightly crotchety self into a seething mass of anger and day old chicken lips?

Quiznos. Grrrrrr. Photobucket

Last week, the Crotchety Old Lady decided to stop at Quiznos to pick up lunch for us. Yes, the home of the "more meat" subs. That was their advertising for years.

I chose the turkey, and she went with a salad because she likes to watch her girlish figure.

I only wanted tomatoes on mine, so it should have been no problem.

I received a sandwich whose filling could be called, at best, turkeyish. Couple that with a few paper thin slices of tomato, and you had my lunch. Ok, it was cheap, as they are trying to compete with the Eat Fresh folks at Subway. But the only way they could have given me less meat would have been to just rub turkey on the bread.

"More meat?" Than what, a bread and mayo sandwich? I guess it had more than that. But barely. And now, I'm just slightly annoyed rather than my usual mellow self. Stop snickering.

Anyway, the Mrs. gave me the receipt and asked me to call Quizno's and register a complaint as the check has a phone number right on it to speak to a friendly Quizno's customer service rep to let them know "How we are doing."

It also offered a website, but I know those things are annoying, especially since I was in the mood to yell, and typing really hard doesn't matter.

I dialed the number, and it said I had to dial a different number. Usually during these messages, I get distracted by something shiny and just robotically dial the number to get the super secret Quizno's number to complain. But today, I was on top of my game, so I heard the entire message. It costs $5.49 to get the super secret number.

So, in essence, it would cost more to complain about my crappy sub than the crappy sub cost to begin with.

I then went the online route, and took about 10 minutes to tell them about the crappy sub that took less than 10 minutes to eat. And because they slyly word the responses by the end I was nearly apologizing to Quizno's for their mediocre sandwich. Bastages.

I left my number and asked to be called back. I'm going to demand full reparations. I want a free sandwich for all my readers, a full apology, and


I'm watching you Quizno's.


Paul Eilers said...

Is this another paid product post? :)

We live in a college town, so there's a Subway and a Quizno's near our house. We frequent them both on a regular basis, but I prefer Subway.

Let us know when you hear back from customer support! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Da Old Man said...

@ Paul: I don't do paid posts. If I'm annoyed at a company like Quizno's, it's because they did me wrong.
But if Subway wants to give me free sub cards for my readers, I'd do that because I always work hard for youse guys.

TheFLy said...

Ooh, if you will, Ill have a Turkey Ranch and Swiss. Im not hoping you win this case, my stomach is grumbling. Its tired of Taco Bell and chili beans from a can.

buzz buzz

TheFLy said...

typo in the previous comment, haha. I meant to say "Im now hoping you win your case with Quiznos"

A New Yorker said...

I have a feeling you're gonna get that free sub when I get my FREE CHOCOLATE? ;-P

shyne said...

How frustrating is that, crotchety!!!!
What drives me nuts is seeing commercials for sandwiches that are full of good things and then get the sandwich which is half of what it's supposed to be.
Next time I go to Subway (no Quiznos here), I'm bringing a picture of an advertised sandwich and tell them I want mine to look exactly like it....I'll even bring a ruler!

Hope you get a free sandwich out of them!

Chat Blanc said...

You go Crotchety!! I'm soooo going to implement a plan NOT to eat at Quizno's this week. (unlike the other weeks of the month where I'm just too lazy to make the trip to one of their locations.)

Unknown said...

This sounds like our Bruegger's bagel shop. It's close to work, which is why we go. But depending on who makes your sandwich, you might get Meat, or you might get Meat Vapors sprayed onto the bread.

Donnie said...

Good luck. I just hope that they don't mail you another Quizzie in an attempt to satisfy your turkey craving.

Anonymous said...

In preparation for your one on one, person to person contact that you will easily get, with no numbers to press or music to listen to, I give you the following words that will no doubt help you with the mexican you will be speaking to:


Hijo (ee-ho) de (day) Puta (poo-tuh) - Son of a b*tch

Mierdo (me-air-doh) de (day) torro (tore-o) - Bull sh*t

Pendejo (pen-day-ho) - just a fun all purpose word

Cabron (ka-brone) - B*stard

Hope this helps.

I once got home with my tastey hamburger from White Castle (Krystal) and was in such a hurry to eat it that I was half through when I realized they'd forgotten the meat.

Da Old Man said...

@ The Fly: White Castle visited my blog when I complained about them, and I am sure Quizno's will get in line. BTW, White Castle is the finest purveyor of burgers in the western world, even if they do have a sort of laxative effect on me.

@ Lauren: Even as you read this I know at least 3 winners have let me know they are enjoying some fine Dove chocolates that they won. I believe your Super is winner # 4.

@ Shyne: I'm hoping for 100 free sandwiches to share with my friends. And a shrubbery for me.

@ Chat: Quiznos delivers here. Since they are in walking distance, I usually send Mrs. C. explain it's good for her character and figure to get me my sub.

@ Jenn: We had a Bruegger's around here that went under. Not sure if it was the sandwiches or the 150 other bagel shops in the gourmands paradise that is Central NJ

@ Don: Who knows what they are going to do. It's noon here, and I still haven't heard from them. What could be more important than my turkey sandwich complaint?

@ Dana: My choice of foreign languages to cuss in is Italian. Though, I usually prefer good old American cussing.

Swirl Girl said...

Did you get if for $5.00 as advertised?

You could get 1/2 an actual turkey for $5.00 at your local mini-mart.

Of course, you'd have to wait 5 hours to cook it...

Da Old Man said...

@ Swirl Girl: It was 5 bucks. But, I don't shop price, or at least I expect if a price is lowered to meet the competition, then I should be told the quality or quantity is lowered, too. This thing strikes me as being misleading.

Anonymous said...

LOL Old Man...sorry, I know it's not funny but you tickled my funny bone. I hope you get your due reparations. I actually love Quiznos and have never had a problem with them...but I would if they tried to skimp my meat!

p.s. Woot! Got my candy --thank you!

Da Old Man said...

@ Angie: It's ok. I can deal with that purveyor of bad lunches.
Glad you got the candy. I'm starting to get annoyed with the P.O.

Anonymous said...

I'm stunned, Crotchety. Shocked!

Why? Because the Quizno's here in Little Rock kicks so much ass that they ought to be required to get a license for it.

Well, uh, you know what I'm trying to say...

I can always rely on a meaty sandwich there. Perhaps they're just shortchanging you folks in New Jersey. Perhaps they hand out so much meat to us Arkansans that they've got to make the difference up somewhere.

Perhaps they realize they couldn't get away with that kind of crap in Arkansas. We've all got shotguns and we're notoriously cranky when ripped off by The Man.

Sandee said...

I don't know what happened with Greenland. I've never been to Quizno's and I'm guessing I'll never go now. Sorry you had such a bad experience. I love it that you actually have to pay for that super secret number. That keeps the complaints down doesn't it. Have a great day. :)

Da Old Man said...

@ The Hawg: I believe they are just trying to take advantage of my good nature and even temperedness. New Jerseyans are famous for that, you know. The Sopranos was actually about a group of guys in Wisconsin...Oh wait, I got them confused with Happy Days.

@ Sandee: I'm sure the fine folks at Quuiznos will see the error of their ways and make it up to me.

eve cleveland said...

Old Man..
Hey, Hon. I hate all fast food in a hurry. But at least Quizno's ignores me. Subway likes to pepper me with myriad questions and then judge me because I do not need creative control over my sandwich.
I don't eat at places like that because I want to, I'm just hungry and want to not be hungry quickly.

Bradley said...

I'm fortunate enough to live one block from a Quizno's that has new owners. They replaced a pretty lousy bunch of employees.

I understand your pain.

Da Old Man said...

@ Eve: My thoughts exactly. I think

@ Bradley: I live in the "golden triangle" of sub shops.
All about a couple blocks away are Quizno's, Subway, and Blimpie. So Quizno's better step lightly.

Unknown said...

Wow, sorry to hear of your experience. Luckily, Quizno's is amazing around here (then again, the only thing I ever order is the veggie sub... and I hate tomatoes). It sure beats Subway...which puts a sprinkling of vegetables on a limp bun, actually calling it a 'sub'. Hell, Subway doesn't even have mushrooms... or quacamole!
... I'm hungry now.

Vylat said...

Your sad tale reminds me of a "Curb Your Enthusiasm" episode on TV with Larry David. The one where someone ate some of the shrimps from his Chinese take-out order.

The Hussy Housewife said...

Don't mess with your Meat! I hate that basically are paying for bread/mayo/lettuce sandwhich. They then spray it with turkey flavor.

I hope you give it to them..then could you call Subway too??

MYM said...

They should give you a franchise. That would be fair.

Da Old Man said...

@ Shadow: Quizno's used to have a really good veggie sub. But they don't carry it in my shop, so I switched to turkey.

@ Plantbuddy: I understand the feeling. I feel violated.

@ Hussy: So far, no word from Quizno's today. I have a lot of free time. I will continue to press them for justice.

@ Drowsey: Then I would have to work. I'd prefer either a couple lifetime passes, or a hundred free subs certificates to give away to my readers.

Lipstick said...

Poor Crotchety!!! Well, that just shows you what happens when you dare to deviate from sandwiches made by Mrs. Crotchety.

Da Old Man said...

@ Lipstick: True. I would have gotten a proper sandwich if she made it.

Janna said...

On the bright side, you are (probably) the first blogger ever to coin the phrase "day old chicken lips".

Surely that must be worth something.

Chunks of Reality said...

OMG I LOVE the picture of the cat demanding the shrubbery!!! It really made me laugh...thank you so much! :)

And one more OMG...I cannot, CANNOT believe how expensive your Entrecards advertisements are! I wanted to request an advert and swooned when seeing the price!

You are a popular old man. I'll keep checking and saving my peanuts to advertise with you one day. LOL :)

Anonymous said...

Are you serious there is a charge to large a complaint....WTH how is that customer service?

I understand we are in a tough economy but that all sounds crazy. I know you will get reparations!

Da Old Man said...

@ Janna: I would hope I'm the first. It's my contribution to the lexicology of bloggers.

@ Chunks: It's up and down. Check back and it will likely drop to something normal.

@ Bridget: TY. I want justice. :)